Lessons from the Edge of Burnout
Never in my life did I think that I would experience burnout. Two weeks ago, however, that is exactly where I found myself; not in the depths of burnout, admittedly, but standing right on the edge. The realization hit me like a metaphorical tonne of bricks (thank goodness – otherwise I am sure I would be out for the count).
At first, I found myself feeling shame and despair. I wanted to crawl into a bit of hole, and not just because of the overwhelming fatigue. I mean, I work with clients on AVOIDING burnout. I consider myself – and am seen by many – to be a master at self-care. How the fudge did I end up in this space?
Well, the answer is simple: while I am indeed good at self-care, the truth is I haven’t been doing a great job of balancing my own self-care with the care I provide for others. In other words, even though I take care of myself, I care for others MORE. I don’t put my needs ahead of anyone’s. I always think of and do for others first. And while that sounds very noble, it’s a recipe for overextension, especially when caregiving is an ever-present part of my life. Erego, I inadvertently boarded a train to the land of caregiver burnout.
As soon as I realized where I was standing (and I’m still kicking myself for the fact that it took so long) I chose to take a week off. In its entirety. It wasn’t exactly enough; but it gave me a chance to begin replenishing yourself.
I slept;
I read (just for the fun of it, not for learning);
I ate good food;
I connected with a few friends to restore my sense of connection;
I let myself feel a variety of emotions (and to express them as well);
I journaled – a lot.
There are a few lessons I learned from this experience. In no particular order, here’s what I want you to know (so you can pull yourself back from the brink sooner than I did):
1. Boundaries mean nothing if you don’t actually hold them. Remember the Seinfeld episode around reservations? When Jerry says to the rental car agent, “you know how to take a reservation, you don’t know how to keep it?” There’s a similar lesson here: once you create a boundary, you have to actually hold it. If you carve white space in your calendar, don’t fill it. Boundaries are meant to be non-negotiable.
2. Ask for help. More than once if necessary. From different people if need be. People cannot help you if they don’t know you need help. While nobody wants to be seen as the “squeaky wheel”, the truth is the reason it “gets the grease” (you know the cliché) is because it’s metaphorically voicing its concerns. Be the squeaky wheel. It’s better than being a rusted one.
3. When caring for others – as a leader, a friend, a family member, whatever – know that you cannot be more invested in their care than the people you are helping. That’s a recipe for burnout if I ever heard one.
4. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, “the best way to care for others is to first care for yourself.” Figure out what you need; what parts of you need caring for. Honour those. And know that you’re not being selfish; by doing so, you will be better able to care for those who matter to you (assuming they want to be cared for).
Bottom-line: slipping into the space of burnout can happen if you’re not paying attention. Self-care is a concept that requires your ongoing attention. You can’t be half-hearted about it. If you are someone who is responsible for the well-being of others – and if you’re a leader in any capacity, then you definitely hold such responsibility – you MUST take care of yourself first and foremost. Care for yourself, so you can care for others. This is my new mantra going forward.