When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough

I am a big fan of Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. It’s a small, simple work that highlights four basic tenets for enhancing how we interact in the world: “be impeccable with your word”, “don’t make assumptions”, “don’t take things personally” and, Always Do Your Best. 

The upshot of this fourth agreement is that we must each strive to do our best at all times, knowing that our best is not a static marker but an ever-changing condition. Moreover, we must accept that nobody can ask more of us. If we have, in fact, given our best then there is nothing more to be done. 

Although I have embraced the inherent wisdom of this particular agreement (as well as the other three) and while I strive to abide by the message, I find myself bumping up against a particularly challenging realization these days. Sometimes, my best is simply not good enough.  

It’s really hard for me to type that. And, the fact is this: as capable as I am, as strong as I am, as willing as I am to push myself, sometimes my particular BEST is insufficient for what I hope to achieve, attain, create or do, either personally, professionally, or both.  

This highlighted part is, I think, a key point. It’s my own expectations that I’m failing to meet. Even if I’m falling short of the expectations of others, if I’m concerned about it is because meeting their expectations is ultimately my own expectation. I want to underscore this point because here’s what I know: my own expectations I can adjust.  

It may be that I need to set the metaphorical bar lower.

It may be that I need to have a conversation with someone and discuss how we collectively change desired outcomes.

Or, maybe we leave expectations exactly as they are and I simply ask for help. 

What just happened for you as you read that? Did you rush right by it? Dismiss “asking for help” as a fine strategy for others but not necessary for you? Throw your hands up in despair and wonder where exactly you would turn for such help? 

Confession: that last reaction is often mine. Not professionally. Professionally I can dance in the whole “ask for help” arena pretty well. Not perfectly, but well enough. Personally, however, it’s a foreign concept. And, it gets in the way of me being able to achieve the results I want in my personal life (which then, if I’m not careful, has impact on my professional life).  

I’m sharing this candidly because I really want to highlight this: the key to success in any form, in any arena, is to recognize that even your best efforts require the help of others to amplify impact. In other words, true success is achieved by asking for help that supports you in creating whatever it is you’re striving to create.  

If you’re anything like me you likely appear quite competent. Which can be a double-edged sword. When you are competent and you ask for help, sometimes folks don’t believe you need it. They think you’ll figure it out. (And you probably do). So, you may have to ask more than once. You may have to get loud about it. You might have to be insistent. Let yourself go there. Don’t go to the place of “fine then, I’ll do it myself”. When you do that, you expedite your trip to the land of burnout and exhaustion. Trust me on this. 

Bottom-line: sometimes, your best just isn’t good enough. This is not an accusation or reason to feel shame. This is what it means to be human. When you find yourself in those very human moments of realizing that your best isn’t enough, take a breath. Then, ask for help. Ask more than once if need be. There’s something about being humble enough to ask for and accept help that takes your best and amplifies its impact. When you can ask for help, your best becomes more than enough.