How Are You REALLY?

You know what makes the question “how are you” so hard to answer? The juxtaposition of many feelings at once.

Think about it: you are asked “how are you”, and the default answer is to say “fine”. Or “good”. Or something equally benign. And we go to the benign, because often how we are actually doing or feeling is pretty complicated. There’s usually a lot going on.

Today alone, in any given moment, I have felt a combination of happy, sad, tired, overwhelmed, excited, joyful and angry. All. At. Once.

Part of me wants to buy into the myth that this is a function of being a woman. I know, however, from talking to various men and male-identifying folks in my world that this has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do with being human. We humans are a complex, feeling species.

The challenge with this, particularly in the professional setting is that things are often moving quickly. We don’t have time to really “investigate” how we are feeling. So, when we are asked how we are, the default, benign response seems reasonable.

If you remember from my last post, however, reasonable doesn’t always serve well; instead, “real” is where it’s at. And, in light of this, I want to give you a simple structure to use to help keep it real, without taking a whole lot of time.

Fill in the blanks:

My mind is _______________.
My body is ______________.
My spirit is _______________.

Close your eyes if it makes it easier. Either way – eyes open or closed – what this activity does is give you access to the different aspects of yourself, so that you can more accurately gauge how you actually are.

Now, I know: the word “spirit” feels a little woowoo. Give it a chance. This isn’t about religion or dogma. This is about checking in with ALL of you, noticing and dissecting the complexity of how you are, so you can gain clarity for yourself, and in turn for everyone else.

In this moment, my mind is tired (just led a workshop), my body is hungry (lunch wasn’t big enough) and my spirit is heavy (refer to last week’s post). In 30 minutes or so, my answers may be different. Regardless, what I know is that these answers are far more accurate than any blanket answer I might provide.

This week, as you go about your work and your days, I invite you to strengthen your capacity to check in with your whole self. Give yourself permission to scan your being and understand how you REALLY are. And then, without judging the information you glean, let yourself go about your day, until you check in again.