Stop Looking for the Good

I sat with the kernel of this particular blog post for several hours before I decided to write it. I knew in my heart what I wanted to say, but I was afraid that it would garner a negative response from many of my readers. I am also afraid that my words might get twisted out of context, undermining the core of my message. Then I decided to throw caution to the wind and just say what I am feeling called to say, which is this: we need to stop "looking" for the good in our world. Now before you come railing at me in mutiny, let me try to provide some nuance and context to my words. 

Let me start by saying that I woke up this morning (the morning that I'm writing this) to about 6 inches -- maybe a bit more -- of snow. 

SNOW, on the 1st of November. 

SNOW, when Halloween was literally just yesterday. 

SNOW without any palpable sense of "easing into winter". 

Needless to say, I'm not a fan of snow. I find it cold and dreary for the most part, and generally speaking it makes the whole "going out in the world" for any reason a more trying experience for me. 

As I sat with all my grumbling inner voices, I heard an echo of my former self reminding me to "look for the good". As a recovering practitioner of what I now see as toxic positivity, I used to be one of those folks who would generally skirt past whatever ick or hardship lay in my way, in favour of the proverbial silver lining. Not a bad way to be in the world, right?

I've come to think differently in my recent years. Because the thing is, some things, some experiences, some events aren't inherently good. And looking for the good in those circumstances is actually an energy-sucking exercise in futility. For the record, I'm not saying that snowfall itself is bad. In the past, however, rather than allow my feeling of "blech" to be allowed, I would have gone looking for "what's the good thing about snow" and by denying my honest experience, I was creating more ick than I realized. 

You see, snowfall aside, there are definitely some scenarios in which "looking for the good" is futile. Some things are, in fact, bad (if we want to apply a binary approach to whatever it is we are looking at.)

Deliberately causing harm to another. 

Stealing.

Being given a terminal diagnosis.

Spreading rumours about someone. 

All of these are -- or at least feel -- bad.

I know; we could banter for a bit about more nuanced language than "good versus bad". My point is less about the adjectives at play, however, and more about how we ourselves are approaching any given scenario. And what I've been learning is that when I tell myself that I have to LOOK for the good in what feels overwhelmingly bad, I can find myself in a bit of a quandary; because by my self-imposed standards, whatever it is I am facing FEELS BAD. And denying that, is not helpful. 

So, what is helpful? Or perhaps more accurately, what would be more helpful than looking for the good in a circumstance or situation that feels overwhelmingly bad?

Where I'm landing these days is here: instead of looking for the good, it's better if I create the good. Or at least create something good. 

Admittedly, creating something good requires some energy. My experience is that creating good requires a bit less energy, however, than looking for the good. I'm not having to search for something that feels elusive. I get to create something REGARDLESS of what is right in front of me. 

Snow on the ground? I could create a snowman, or snow angels, or I could help my neighbors as we all shovel our driveways.

Somebody I loved just passed? (My Dad's passing has been on my mind a lot lately, so that's where this is coming from). I could create a collage of photos, I could make some of his favourite foods, I could make the time to go visit where his ashes are buried.

Just failed an assignment or exam? I could create the time to have a conversation with my teacher, or with a classmate -- not necessarily for the purpose of changing the result, but maybe for the purpose of deepening my understanding of the content. Or maybe, I could go create something entirely unrelated by way of expending some energy -- a batch of muffins, or a favourite soup or even a painting. What I create need not be directly related to the "bad" thing at all. 

I think part of the reason I am called to write this today, is that with everything happening in our world -- so much homelessness, so much conflict, so much polarization -- looking for the good feels like an act of absolute futility. Creating something good, however? That feels doable. It's something I can do, something I can wrap my head around, even as the "bad" continues to exist.

Ideally, it would be great if the good I create can directly counteract the bad, whatever that might be. Even if the good I create isn't directly related, however, it puts good energy into the world. And I'm a big believer in the power and effectiveness of good energy.

Bottom-line: there may be a way that looking for the good can at times feel too wishy-washy a concept. Some might even say it's idealistic. I say, if you can look for the good and find it, great. Go for it. And, if for some reason looking for the good is becoming too much to do, try creating something good instead. Creating good things, good experiences, good energy always serves the world well.