Moving Forward When Things are Scary

The world feels like a scary place these days. I don't think I'm alone in feeling this. As distanced as I am from some of the physical atrocities happening around the globe, as "safe" as my immediate world is in so many ways, there is an overarching air of concern, uncertainty and -- to be quite frank -- "scariness" everywhere I turn, in some way, shape or form. 

Some of the scariness is about what's missing in the world: homes for all, equity and inclusion for all, sufficient resources for all. 

Some of the scariness is around what's present in the world: discrimination towards some; violence towards others; weapons combined with hatred in so many spaces.

And some of the scariness resides in my own mind: the things I imagine or conjure up when I'm in a "catastrophizing" space.

To top it all off, tomorrow is Halloween. Halloween is an occasion that I've always had a bit of a wariness toward. Overall, I don't mind it. It can be filled with fun experiences -- the opportunity to dress up, to try on alter-egos, to collect candies and chocolates and treats. But then there's this wariness I've got because there's the inevitable discovery of razor blades in apples, or sugar candy that's been replaced with drugs, or other horrors. No matter how much fun I might be having, these horrible possibilities exist in the back of my brain. 

When I find myself feeling confronted by fear, when things feel overwhelmingly scary, the question that arises from a place of "helplessness" of sorts is some version of "how the heck do I keep going?" or "what's the point?". I know; it almost seems fatalistic. In these moments, I remember the words of Fred Rogers who reminds us to look for the helpers. The exact quote is as follows: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” 

There's a reassuring truth in these words. When I look around, no matter what is happening, there are always people helping. And that helping energy restores my faith in humanity and in possibility. And this restoration of faith can help me move forward. 

Here's the thing: "looking for the helpers" is not about ignoring the tragedy or horror or scariness that is happening around us. It's not enough to find the helpers, and turn a blind eye to the scary stuff, acting as if the scary isn't happening. Instead, I must acknowledge the reality of whatever is scary even as I find relief in the presence of helpers. My personal take is that, once I allow myself to feel the grounding that comes from finding the helpers, then I can find my way forward to whatever is beyond the scary, and this might include me becoming a helper myself.

Bottom-line: sometimes, the world feels scary, and almost overwhelmingly so. When this happens, it is quite tempting to curl up in a ball, or turn a blind eye and retreat into a cocoon of comparative safety. It's actually not all that helpful, however. Instead, it serves us well to look, with intentionality for that which isn't scary -- namely, the helpers. When we can see the calm and safety that is evident in the energy of helpers -- without denying the scariness that is present -- then we can find our way forward. Scary will always be present. My experience, however, is that there will always be helpers -- otherwise known as safety -- present as well; we just need to look for them.