Redefining How We Hold Choice
We are all at choice, all of the time.
You’ve probably heard or read a version of this statement at some point in your life. Understanding how much choice you actually have can be simultaneously liberating and scary. If you and I are truly always at choice – at choice about who we are, how we show up, what we do – there’s a whole level of responsibility that can be overwhelming, you know?
Overwhelm aside, what I have come to understand about choice is that there are a number of subtleties, truths and nuances about the concept that go way beyond versions of the trite “we have all, always got a choice.” As issues of diversity, equity and inclusion come more and more under scrutiny, how do we hold the idea that “we are all at choice?”
I have a few thoughts around this. In no particular order, here are a few of those subtleties and nuances that I would invite you to ponder:
Yes, we are all at choice, all of the time. That being said, the choices available to each of us are not the same. Those who are marginalized (for whatever reason – ability, race, poverty, age, sexuality, etc;) do not have the same access to the choices as someone with privilege. And while everyone deals with their own version of hardship at some point, the choices that allow folks to overcome hardship are wide and varied. In other words, while we are all at choice, don’t assume that the choices available to you are available to everyone. What worked for you, may not work for another.
The choices you are aware of can be informed by both fear and hope. In other words, when you are afraid you will see a certain set of choices in front of you, and when you are hopeful you become aware of others. Notice what is driving your choices; is it hope? Or is it fear? The former will feel more liberating, the latter more restrictive.
Choices matter. And you can make them consciously or by default. Even in those moments when you feel like you’re not choosing, you actually are. The choice to NOT choose, is a choice in and of itself. When you choose consciously, you are likely to feel far more empowered than not.
The choices you make – whether conscious or not – tell those around you who you are, what matters to you, what you think of yourself. In the words of Albus Dumbledore (yes, I’m quoting from Harry Potter) “it is our choices that show who we really are, far more than our abilities.” The fact that you consider yourself to be kind means nothing if you do not choose to act with kindness.
If there is something that you are wanting to be different in your life, then you need to make different choices – and yes, those choices must be made from what’s available to you. You may not have the resources or capacity to make the change (whatever it may be) RIGHT NOW, but you can make a conscious choice to do something that puts you on the path that aligns with the choice you actually want.
I could probably keep going, but I will stop here. What I’m wanting you to get is that even when you feel like you don’t have a choice, you actually do. FEELING like you don’t have a choice is not the same as ACTUALLY not having one. The former is an illusion; the latter is what’s true when you let yourself be conscious.
Bottom-line: as the world grapples its way towards more equity and inclusion for all, I think redefining how we hold CHOICE as a construct is important. Know that we all have choice; know that the choices available to each person are different based on a variety of circumstances. And, whatever you do, get clear on who you are, how you want to show up, what you want, and then make your choices align.