Another Take on Gratitude
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!
While those of you who live in the US have another 6 weeks to go before you mark Thanksgiving, we in Canada do so this weekend. I realize I’m not sure what other nations around the globe have a thanksgiving celebration; I will have to do some research. Having said that let me share that for me, Thanksgiving equates to autumn, harvest and a segue into cooler weather.
I realize that Thanksgiving celebrations at this time in history are tainted a bit (a lot?) by the legacy of colonialism. As we grow as human beings and learn to extract lessons from various historical events, there is a way that what was once held with joy and celebration can start to be weighed down by the weight of responsibility and even some sadness. My personal take is that it’s important to hold both experiences – the joy as well as the sadness—and allow both to be true. It does not serve us to either celebrate and ignore hurtful legacies or to wallow in the damage done and never celebrate at all. When it comes right down to it, thanksgiving is about expressing gratitude, and that can be done even as we acknowledge past wrongs.
So, here’s what I know about gratitude: it’s easy to give thanks for the stuff that I like, the experiences that serve me well, the material things that surround me. The challenge is to give thanks for the things and experiences that don’t exactly feel warm and fuzzy. I mean, is it actually possible to be thankful for the hardships in life? Is it possible to give thanks for the pain and the sorrow and the ickiness that shows up in various forms?
I actually believe it is. I can’t honestly say that it comes easily to me, but I can say that it is doable. The trick is to look for the hidden gift.
Here are a few examples:
When I experience blood sugar crashes, which happen from time to time due to my long-term Type-1 diabetes and feel BLECHY to say the least, I am able to give thanks that I can still feel them, that I can still wake myself up if they’re happening while I sleep. This isn’t true for all folks with type 1 diabetes. It is true for me, and it is a gift.
When relationships “end” due to conflicting values or priorities, or hurtful behaviours, or whatever reason is at play, there’s no doubt that I am saddened by the sense of loss, the potential experience of betrayal, and the feeling that I may have been played for a fool. I can still be thankful, however, (albeit after a bit of time has lapsed) for the memories and experiences that I had with the person in question.
When my body is in pain, I have been able to give thanks for the fact that the pain is pointing to something that needs my attention – and I’ve noticed it. Yay, me!
When the power has gone out due to a storm, or a downed power line or whatever, I can actually give thanks (after I rant a bit about the inconvenience) for the enforced downtime. Also, for candles. There is undeniably something magical about sitting quietly in the space of candlelight.
When I have a last minute cancellation of any sort, as frustrating as it might be, I can give thanks for the gift of “reclaimed time” which might allow me to work on something else, or just enjoy an unexpected tea break.
You see how it goes. The ability to be grateful is about being able to find the gift.
Here’s the thing: finding the gift doesn’t mean ignoring the challenge or the hardship. This is not about living in denial. Both get to be true. It’s becoming blatantly obvious to me, that we do ourselves and those around us a dis-service when we ignore any aspect of the whole truth. It’s important that we hold space for more than one take on an experience.
So, here’s my invitation to you: no matter how hard life is right now, no matter how disgruntled you’re feeling, find a nugget of a gift for which to give thanks. Don’t ignore the hardship – just widen the lens of your experience a bit, so you also see the gift. If you need someone to help you with this, enlist the support. And then, from this space of being able to see more than one truth, be grateful for that. Being able to hold space for the WHOLE experience, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful is truly something to hold with gratitude.