Diving Into The “Difficult Conversation” Pool
I have found myself having many difficult conversations lately. By “difficult”, I mean conversations rooted in a difference of opinion, conversations about controversial topics, conversations about things that matter deeply to me. Not surprisingly, these have included conversations about race, about health, and about advocacy. In speaking with others, I know that I am not alone.
By definition, difficult conversations are challenging. They are tension-filled. There’s emotional charge. There often seem to be conflicting values at stake. Difficult conversations are not fun.
In light of all of these things, there is a way that we tend to steer clear of difficult conversations at all costs. We talk about the weather. We chat about vacation plans. We gather together and play games and discuss anything but the things that might take us into discomfort. We are taught, after all, to keep the peace. Don’t rock the boat.
There’s a time to rock the boat, however. And for much of the world, boat-rocking time has arrived. Keeping things status quo has not served us well. Trying to be diplomatic and gentle has not advanced our society, or our workplaces, or our social circles as far as we would like to believe. So it’s time for a new approach.
Let me be clear: I’m not suggesting we engage in armed combat; peace is a big value of mine (like, it’s HUGE). And, there is a way to dive deep into the pool of difficult conversation without drowning ourselves through combat. In other words, it’s not a question of “boat rocking” or “sinking”. There is a middle space. Diving into ocean depths need not be destructive; in fact, it can be peaceful, beautiful and rich. Peace and difficult need not be mutually exclusive.
As I look at the world around me, what I know is this: until and unless we are willing -- as a collective -- to dive into the conversations that matter, the difficult ones, the challenging ones, we will not make much headway. We will not dismantle systems of racism. We will not have workspaces that feel totally safe. We will not enjoy true peace. We will not create space of genuine inclusion. I hear so many of us claiming to value these things. If we are sincere in this claim, then we need to start having the conversations that will help us get there.
Bottom-line: it’s time to start having the conversations that matter, regardless of how challenging they might feel.