The Blog

Somewhere out there in the world is a quote, which has been attributed to many people in various forms, but here’s the one I came across most recently, and which I rather like:  “The opinion that other people have of you is their problem, not yours” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. 

When I first heard this a variation on this wisdom I know it resonated powerfully.  There was such freedom,  liberation and a confirmation of sorts in the idea that the opinions held by others were not as important as my own opinion of myself.  I can totally get behind the wisdom of that, you know? 

Since then, I’ve come to believe that the quote needs to be presented with a cautionary caveat; because sometimes, the opinions of other people do matter.  Here’s what I mean. 

Anyone who’s ever met me, or heard me speak, or read my ezine for some time likely knows that “surrender” is a big value of mine.  Like, BIG.  It’s something that I hold dear because I know, on a cellular level, even when my brain wants to disagree, that surrender is the ultimate key to success. 

Which may sound bizarre, I know, but hear me out.

Boundaries are important. You know it. I know it. We all know it.

Despite this universal knowledge, few folks are actually effective at drawing – and honouring – boundaries. This seems especially true in the realm of leadership.

Too many of the folks I interact with operate with a misguided notion that they must be available 24/7 to those whom they lead. There’s an unspoken sense that effective leadership means you are ready to answer any question, respond to any dilemma, brainstorm on any problem, whenever you are beckoned.

A text comes in as you’re heading to bed, you text back.

The phone rings while you’re in the middle of a meal, you answer it.

An email message gets delivered as you’re working on a project, your drop everything you’re doing and respond.

Someone knocks on your office door just as you’re shutting down for the day, you let them in.

All of this is done in the name of “availability”. After all, what leader wants to be UNavailable? If you’re truly committed to your leadership, being available is the name of the game, right?

Wrong.

“I’m so busy.”
“What a busy week.”
“Wow, you’ve been busy lately!”

These phrases and others like it are ones I hear regularly. Sometimes, I use them myself. Often these are said with admiration. Whether I’m working with my clients, catching up with colleagues, or visiting with friends and family, “being busy” is bandied about as a measure of success.

The thing is, busy-ness isn’t actually reflective of success. In fact, “busy” can be a success-inhibitor. Let me explain.