How Well Do You Own Your Capacity?

I'm ba-ack! Back from the trip of a lifetime, that is. For the past three weeks (less a half week of travel time) I was in South Africa with a group of friends, taking in the sights, sounds and experiences of a world that is so different from the one in which I usually live, in so many ways. While I was there to rest and relax and take in new experiences, I did keep notes on a number of things -- a number of lessons, if you will -- that I knew I'd feel called to write about and share. So, for the next few weeks, I trust that you'll indulge me in extrapolating my learnings and offering them to you, to use as you see fit. 

Our trip was divided into three distinct components, each of which had its own rhythm, feel and magic to it. The last component of our time was a much-anticipated safari -- an experience of being in "the bush", at the beautiful Inzalo Lodge (https://www.inzalolodge.co.za) where we got to participate in two game drives a day, heading out into the wild, keeping our eyes peeled for wildlife and learning from our masterful guide about anything and everything related to this space. 

We were fortunate to see "the big 5" during our time there (lion, elephant, rhino, buffalo and leopard) as well as several other animals -- the giraffes were incredible, and the warthogs disarmingly cute (trust me). The whole experience was awe-inspiring. I can actually imagine going back and have to keep reminding myself that there are other places in the world that I also want to see! For what it's worth, I will say that with its variety of experience, its depth of culture, with the juxtaposition of so many lifestyles and experiences, the phrase "heaven on earth" kept looping through my brain. The whole thing was blissful.

One of the wild creatures that we saw was guinea fowl. These are little birds, sort of chicken-like in appearance and they just made me laugh. I generally saw them in groups, usually running on the road ahead of our vehicle, in a seeming attempt to get away from us. It was rather cute to watch and the laughable part was when our guide said "guinea fowl forget that they can fly". 

At first, I thought he was kidding; but as I watched them a few more times, I saw what he was talking about. These birds can definitely fly; they just generally don't. Anytime our vehicle came upon them, rather than take to the air to get out of our way they would run frantically ahead of us, for quite a while, eventually veering off the road and into the brush alongside -- or, flying for a few seconds at maximum before settling in the brush. Our guide couldn't tell us why they did this; and it got me thinking. 

How often do I forget about a skill or capacity I have, and act as if I can't do what's needed? How often do I choose an action out of what I can only assume is panic, rather than taking a split-second to choose a more effective course of action? I hate to admit it; but I think I do it more often than makes sense. 

Sometimes I default to asking my hubby to do something for me rather than doing it myself (even though I can).

Sometimes, I ask for someone's opinion before choosing a course of action rather than trusting my own wisdom.

Sometimes, I downplay or outright ignore my own successes rather than standing solidly in my expertise and credibility.

Sometimes I allow my fear of appearing foolish or less-than-polished stop me from doing what I CAN do, even though I may not be able to do it expertly.

In all of these cases -- unlike the situation with the guinea fowl -- I do know what gets in the way, and it's not momentary panic. It's fear, plain and simple. I have such a fear of being judged, of looking bad, of getting things wrong, of appearing arrogant (this is a big one for me), that I will sometimes just stop myself from doing what I know I can and need to do. 

Admitting this is hard, especially in this public forum. Because I know better. In admitting these foibles, I'm admitting that I, too, sometimes play small even though I know that playing small can hold me back. 

Here's the thing:  I know I'm not alone in this. I know many others play their own version of this game. So, let me ask you: how and when do you "forget" that you are capable? How and when do you play small? And what will it take for you to decrease the number of times you do that?

These are questions that I myself am pondering in the wake of my South Africa trip. I know that there's some stuff coming up in my life that is going to require me to stand squarely in my own knowing, my wisdom, my expertise. It's time to let my fears go -- or at least, not let them rule the show. The fact is, I am a very capable human. And you are a very capable human. So, let's be capable together, knowing that the world needs us to own our capability, more than we own our fear. Will you join me?