It’s Time to Leverage Curiosity

In a world that seems to be getting more polarized by the minute, there can be a temptation to focus on our similarities as humans in the hopes that we can pull together instead of apart. The drive behind this makes sense: if we focus on our similarities, then perhaps we can recognize and appreciate how alike we are; surely this would minimize the level of disagreement and turmoil that exists in the world, wouldn’t it? One would think so; and yet, the truth isn’t quite so simple.

For what it’s worth – and putting the issue of simplicity aside – I want to assure you that I am a big proponent of peace, harmony and connection. In my experience, it feels easy to have these things – connection in particular – when I can see how I am similar to another. In a world that is starting to understand the importance of connection and belonging, it seems logical that we would look to our similarities as a means to fostering such experiences. 

There’s a flaw in this line of reasoning, however. When we are only able to connect around similarities, when we ignore or otherwise diminish differences, true belonging doesn’t happen. Connection (of a sort) definitely increases, but true belonging is still unattainable when we only emphasize similarities. There’s an unspoken message along the lines of, “we can connect around similarities, but differences aren’t allowed.” It’s a subtle but powerful message, and one that doesn’t actually create the outcome that we claim to desire. 

In order for true connection and belonging to be present, there must be space for both similarities and differences. The ways in which I am different must be as welcome as the ways in which I am similar. There must be room for ALL of me in a space that espouses belonging in the truest sense of that word. Admittedly, this can be hard. 

How can I make room for someone whose values are diametrically opposed to mine?

How can I make space for someone who has had a completely different lived experience?

How can I include someone who doesn’t speak my language, is from another culture, is from a different religious background, etc; etc;?

The key to success in this arena lies in a willingness to use a particular skill. It’s a skill that every child has (until they don’t). It’s a skill that is so simple to use that it’s easy to overlook its validity. The skill is curiosity. 

Now, admittedly, the curiosity must be genuine. In order to be able to entertain the possibility of making room for difference, I have to be willing to be sincerely curious about the person (or people) who are different from me. I have to be willing to let go of what I (think I) know, and ask questions with a view to understanding. This level of curiosity requires a commitment and energy that I may not always have. If I can source the energy, however, to be curious whenever possible, then I can open the door to a fuller experience of belonging, one that includes the entirety of each individual who is striving to belong.

Full transparency: as much as I know this, I am not perfect at this. I’m still wrestling with the limits I experience to this capacity of creating room for everyone. It’s hard to be curious when someone’s expressed views feel dangerous to me, when our values feel misaligned or when I feel like I, myself, am not welcome. That being said, what I know for sure is that if I can keep working this curiosity muscle, if I can strive to make room for differences, then I might just find a way to create deeper connection and truer belonging. And if ALL of us can do this, then the world will be a better – more inclusive – place.