The Question that Stumped Me
I love having conversations with folks. Not just cursory conversation, but deep, meaningful conversation. The kind of conversation that requires a bit of thought, where answers often evoke more questions. Whether these conversations happen at home, over the phone, via some online platform like zoom or in a bustling coffee shop, it doesn’t matter. These conversations leave me feeling enriched, more often than not.
Last week, I got to have one of these conversations, this time with a colleague who I met about a year ago, give or take a few months. This individual doesn’t live anywhere near me, and we met in an online course. We’ve stayed connected through social media, and had arranged to have a “zoom tea”, a chance to connect and converse despite the physical distance between us.
As we landed in the virtual space and opened the conversation, this person astutely named that although we feel like we know each other, we really don’t. And their opening question to me was this, “What do you do for fun?”
Seems like a benign enough question, right? You would think so. And yet, it actually stumped me.
I mean, it’s not like I DON’T have fun in my life, I do. But I couldn’t actually articulate anything that felt 100% true. There are lots of spaces and experiences in which I have fun, but what do I actually DO for fun? In the moment, I named things like reading, and walking along the beach, and being in conversation. And there’s a truth in these answers, for sure. But the question has been living in my brain ever since, wanting to find answers that feel truer. I think what I’m realizing is that it has been quite a while since I’ve consciously done something purely for the fun of it. There are lots of experiences that result in me having fun, but that fun is often a happy by-product of the situation.
So, what are the things that I do – or can do – for fun? I think, to answer this question, I need to define what FUN is for me. What are the qualities that have me recognize something as FUN?
Laughter
Movement
Connection
Giddiness
Energy
Lightness
Spontaneity
There may well be other qualities, but this feels like a good start. When I hold these qualities as markers of fun, and scan my life for experiences of fun, here’s what I come up with:
Being creative is fun – painting, cooking, writing, baking
Moving is fun – dancing, bowling, playing 2-pitch baseball, skating (none of these are things I do well, AND, I totally have fun when I do them)
Doing something without any forethought is fun – jumping into the car, cranking the tunes and going for a drive, an impromptu lunch date with my hubby, having friends drop by unannounced and hanging out for a bit
playing games can be fun – trivia nights, board games (jenga, anyone?), charades
meeting up with a friend or loved one for ice cream in the summer is fun
As I started typing this list, I am aware that there are lots of things I can do for fun. And over the past few years, a few things have caused fun to move out of my line of sight, as it were:
the pandemic
my Dad’s death
increased caregiving responsibilities for Mom
my own health needs
changing business/work landscape
In other words, while my responsibilities have increased (which, to be clear, is not a bad thing), I’ve been so focused on doing what needs to be done that I haven’t given FUN a whole lot of thought. Any fun I’ve been having has been coincidental as opposed to intentional. As a result, when I am asked “what do you do for fun?” I can’t actually answer that. I’ve lost touch with fun, and it’s time to reclaim it. Given that 2023 is my year of reclamation, this actually makes sense, doesn’t it?
Bottom-line: sometimes, when you’re not intentional about it, your relationship with FUN can become strained, just like any other relationship that isn’t cared for. The solution is to reorient yourself to fun. Get clear on what fun is, how it looks, and how you might re-engage with it. Turn your attention toward fun, and start creating fun in your life. My sense is that with everything going on in the world, we could all stand to have a little more fun.