Creating and Holding Space
Alright, I'll say it: the last month has been CHALLENGING, for so many people, on so many levels, myself included. The feeling of being challenged has made its presence felt in a variety of ways; everything from disrupted sleep patterns, mental fog, a sense of overwhelm, relationship tensions -- you name it, it's present. And as I said, it's not just me that's going through the "challenge" of the moment. I see it all around me.
The good news is that I'm not alone.
The not-so-good news is that it can feel like challenge is EVERYWHERE.
And when challenge is everywhere, finding reprieve can seem next to impossible.
What I know for sure is that at this time in history, at this moment in the world, part of the collective sense of challenge is the backdrop of what's happening in the world at large. I mean, unless you've been living under a rock (and I kind of envy you, if you have), you know that:
there's major conflict happening in the Middle East, in Ukraine, and in other parts of the world
tensions are rising as individuals and groups grapple to dismantle historic inequities
the aftermath of the Covid pandemic is being felt and folks are trying to recover
regular, everyday challenges are happening alongside all these big challenges
These tensions are impacting us all as folks attempt to find their footing and make sense of it all. For me, as I sit with all that is around me, I've been struck by a need to hold space: for self, for other, for everything and everyone.
What does it mean to hold space?
The way I see it, holding space is about nothing more and nothing less than being with another or others in the mess of whatever is present. These days, I have had opportunity to hold space for both my Jewish friends and colleagues and my Palestinian friends and colleagues. (That's right; I have friends in both demographics.) I have held space for friends and family who have been navigating grief. I have held space for myself as I, too, have sat with grief and sadness and uncertainty.
Holding space is about being with whatever is here-- often challenging, maybe heavy, and. not exclusively so -- for the express purpose of creating connection, witnessing and being witnessed, and leaning into the truth of not being alone.
You see, so often when there is challenge, there is a simultaneous sense of isolation.
Sometimes that isolation is very real.
Sometimes it is self-inflicted and/or imagined.
And always, it is confronting.
Humans are not meant to live and breathe and navigate the world in isolation. And yet, so many folks feel isolated, especially when the going gets tough.
A common cliche would have us believe that "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." While there is a modicum of truth in that cliche -- tough folks do tend to get stuff done, even and especially when things around them are tough -- there is wisdom in knowing that that the expectation of "being tough" can be over-rated. Moreover, at some point, even the tough folks must learn to slow down, to pause, to hold space, to be with the messiness of the tough stuff before finding their way through to meaningful solutions.
With so much heaviness in the world around us, I believe we all need to learn the importance and the skill of holding space. In holding space there is stillness, there is no solutioning or problem-solving. Holding space can feel pointless in that it only requires us to BE with one another. But it is in that being -- being together, being seen, being held -- that we can actually find strength for whatever it is we are facing.
Bottom-line: it can be really tempting to move around in the frenetic space of problem-solving and solutioning, especially when the world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket. And while solutioning is necessary to move forward, before we source solutions, we need to hold the stillness. Hold the space. Hold it for yourself; hold it for others; hold it for all of us. Let's learn to hold space for each other, together, so we can all find our way forward, together.