An Unexpected Way to Stay Out of Burnout

“How are you really?”

In a recent meeting that I attended, this was the opening question. The leader emphasized for all of us that the “really” was the important part of the question, and then we were sent into small groups to have a short conversation using this question as our prompt. The resulting dialogue was rich, illuminating and authentic.

This sort of authenticity and connection is important, especially these days as we all learn how to live and work in a post-pandemic world . Truthfully, I think authenticity and connection have always been important and they are both necessary if we want to create workspaces and environments that are conducive to productivity and growth. 

While reading a post about burnout recently, I was intrigued to learn that the cause of burnout isn’t simply overwork. When we dig into the topic and look at what leads to burnout, it turns out that LONELINESS is actually a significant contributor. I read the word “loneliness” and automatically think of disconnection and isolation. On the one hand this notion boggles the mind a bit; on the other, it makes perfect sense.

In our world, there is such a push for all of us to appear like we’ve always got everything together, everything handled, that we are always on top of our game. The truth, however, is that we are rarely in such a space of everything being completely in the zone. It’s not that it never happens; it’s just that often there’s at least one thing that is just a little off-track. This is normal. And yet, we try to emphasize all that is on-track, and at least minimize – if not completely ignore – anything that is off-track. When this happens, we all start to limit what we share; essentially we deny at least half of our individual truths when sharing how we are; this creates a false image and more importantly an unattainable vision. This doesn’t serve anyone well.

I’m not suggesting that we need to flip the tables and focus only on the things that are off-track. Instead, what I realized as I shared my answers to “how are you REALLY” and listened to the answers of others, is that when we can actually widen our metaphorical lenses, notice and share the whole of our experience, we create a space where we all feel more connected and less isolated. We recognize that the things that we feel most challenged by might actually be challenging for others as well. And from this space of shared experience, solutions and opportunities arise. 

There’s a Swedish proverb that says “shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow”. When we answer the question of “how are you” from an inclusive space, sharing all of what’s real and true, rather than providing an artificial all-encompassing “fine” (or whatever your equivalent is) you make time and create space for what is meaningful: namely, human connection. Whatever you are going through – good, bad, or ugly – human connection is what will keep you going. 

Bottom-line: knowing how you and those around you REALLY are is much better than only knowing the superficial answers. Share your joy; share your sorrow; share your whole truth. Feel yourself expand your sense of connection, and decrease the chance of settling into burnout.