How Well Do You T.H.I.N.K.?
“Think before you speak.”
This is an adage that has been around for a long time. It’s often used as a reminder to each of us to be more deliberate and intentional in our speech, particularly in the context of relationships. The wisdom applies beyond relationships, however. And “speaking” isn’t just about what we articulate verbally. What we write, our facial expressions can all be more meaningful when we engage in a bit of forethought.
What is forethought?
Essentially, it’s about slowing down and using specific filters. It’s remembering that just because an idea pops into your head, it doesn’t necessarily have to be articulated. When filters aren’t used, it’s very likely that you will say what you don’t mean, or something that isn’t necessary.
So, what are the filters that you can use?
Years ago, I discovered the acronym T.H.I.N.K. -- probably on a facebook post, although I’m not sure of the source -- and I confess that I find it very helpful. In a nutshell, before speaking you are well-served when you ask yourself:
Is it TRUE?
Is it HELPFUL?
Is it INSPIRING?
Is it NECESSARY?
Is it KIND?
What I like about this series of questions is that they provide a really concrete way to apply the whole “think before you speak” ideal. The acronym tells you exactly what you need to be thinking about, in order to determine whether or not something is worthy of speaking.
Ideally, as you apply these filters to your words – whether spoken, or written (e.g., email or text) – you’ll pass all 5 filters. The challenge lies in the fact that things like “kindness” can be subjective. So the question to ask in that case is, is it your intention to be kind? Or are you speaking to be mean, malicious or otherwise hurtful? If it’s the latter, then whatever you want to say should probably find another outlet – like your journal. Or, you can speak to your awareness that your message may seem harsh, and articulate your intention to mitigate any potential pain.
The other filter that can pose a challenge, is that of “inspiring”. I’m not sure that everything that is articulated can be – or should be – inspiring. But perhaps, if it passes though all of the other filters (true, helpful, necessary and kind) then it becomes inspiring.
There will definitely be times when things get messy, even with the use of these questions as filters. Despite your very best efforts and intentions, your messages may land in a way that you don’t intend. Or maybe you’ll find yourself in a situation when you just forget to use the acronym. In and of itself, this isn’t a problem -- so long as you take responsibility for that and work to clean up the mess, as it were. And even as you’re cleaning, reverting to these questions as your frame of reference will be extremely helpful.
Bottom-line: as a human being, when you T.H.I.N.K. before you speak, you help to build a safe container for folks to interact. You set the stage and create the space for meaningful, helpful dialogue to transpire in the face of any and all challenges. Think before you speak; this age-old wisdom has survived the test of time because it works.