Enough with Saying “I Don’t Know”
“I don’t know.”
This short little phrase has worked its way into our everyday vernacular to such a degree that for many people, it’s just a default setting. It’s their “go-to” answer. Literally, no matter what the question, the answer is “I don’t know.”
-“What do you want for dinner?”
-“I don’t know.”
-“How did you do on that test?”
-“I don’t know.”
-“What would you like to do when we go out tonight?”
-“I don’t know.”
-“How are you feeling?”
-“I don’t know.”
Honestly; it gets a little tiresome.
In and of itself, the phrase seems innocuous. The effect of using this phrase without conscious thought, however, is not so benign. In fact, it’s life-altering; and not for the better.
When you continually use the phrase “I don’t know” you essentially disempower yourself on a regular basis. You deny yourself the opportunity to discover, to learn, to gain knowledge. When you say “I don’t know”, you let yourself off the hook for doing something, for discovering something, for expanding your capacity.
Now, while there are definitely things that you “don’t know”, by virtue of being human you are incredibly resourceful. In other words, you have the capacity to find out, to learn, to discover, to know. Especially in this day and age, when information is so readily available, whatever it is you “don’t know” right now, can in fact be “known” sooner than you think.
So, what is it that gets in the way of you taking the time to “know”? I would assert that there are a couple of culprits at play.
Time. You tell yourself that you don’t have time to find out the answer, to think about the answer, to sit with whatever question has been asked, and so you default to “I don’t know.” And far too often, you get away with it.
Discomfort. Sometimes you have an awareness that the answer is an uncomfortable one, or that the answer will raise emotions that you’d rather not deal with and so, instead of owning and being with the discomfort, you default to “I don’t know.”
Fear. This is related to discomfort, and it’s different. Often, there’s a fear that the answer will cause an undesirable outcome – disappointment on the part of the questioner, or perhaps judgment. And so rather than risk those sorts of experiences, you stand in “I don’t know.”
Laziness. Heaven forbid you should actually invest of yourself – whether in time, or energy – to discover the answer. Often when you say “I don’t know”, you are absolved of the responsibility to find out.
Lack of presence. You’re so busy being “un-engaged” with what’s being asked, it’s just easier to say “I don’t know” and hope that the questioner moves on.
So what’s the key to moving past what I call “I-don’t –know syndrome?”
First, pay attention to your use of the phrase. Catch yourself using it, and challenge yourself to change it.
Second, ask yourself which culprit (named above) is at play. Get to the root of the issue.
Third, give yourself permission to take a guess. The answer you give may not be right, but it will be an answer. And it will get you past the stuckness of “I don’t know.”
Bottom-line: you know far more than you’re giving yourself credit for. If you want to really show up and play a bigger game, it’s time to access that knowing. Stop selling yourself short, and start living from the space of knowing.