Stoking the Fire of Patience
Patience; they say it's a virtue.
Don't ask me who "they" are -- I have no idea, I just know that "they" say a lot of things, many of which are held up as nuggets of proverbial wisdom. In this case, the essence is that I need to be patient. And guess what? I'm finding it HARD.
Historically speaking, while patience has not been my strongest trait, I have generally learned how to be patient as needed. I know how to put on a mantel of patience in most situations, as it were.
Travelling? I can source patience.
Stuck in a drive-thru? I can crank up the tunes and wait patiently.
In line at an amusement park? I can tap into a little childlike exuberance and still be patient.
Waiting for medical results to arrive? I can muster a little patience.
In other words, I can generally be patient with situations and people outside of myself (generally is the key word here).
You know when I find it harder to be patient? With myself. That's right; I am not patient with myself. Which can be problematic, especially as I am on a steep learning curve these days.
I shared in my last post that I've taken on a new role. I am loving it.
It's challenging in the best of ways.
It uses all of my skills and strengths.
It has me growing.
And, there is So. Much. To. Learn.
Turns out that as much as I love learning, I don't love not knowing. You'd think those two would simply go together like peas and carrots. For me, though, they don't. Somewhere in my system of cells is the idea (a very mistaken one) that I even when I'm learning I should KNOW things by now. Which means:
I shouldn't have to ask people how or what to do.
I'm supposed to just have all information embedded in some part of my brain without ever having been taught.
I shouldn't be making mistakes.
I should ______________ -- and you can fill in this blank with whatever you want.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Believe me; I'm aware of the ridiculousness of it all. It has me asking, what exactly is going on? What's getting in the way of my patience? What's hindering my capacity to be patient with myself?
As I sit in this question, I know there are a few things at play. First, I have a bit of a perfectionist gene in me. It's not quite ultimate perfection but at least a need to get it right -- whatever "it" is -- and it needs to be right the first time.
Second, I don't like to disappoint people; I don't like to disappoint my boss, my team, my peers -- nobody.
Third, I want to be respected and liked; and somewhere in the back of my brain is a notion that people don't like or respect those who don't get it right (there's that crazy "it" again).
It's all enough to boggle the brain, you know? So, the question becomes, what to do? And the answer, as it turns out, is to really build this patience muscle.
So, this is the skill I'm building these days. I'm realizing that there are some tools and habits that can support me in this. In no particular order, here are the ones I've discovered:
slowing down
breathing deeply
celebrating mistakes
celebrating wins
asking for help
I'm sure there are other structures and tools to assist in cultivating patience with self. For now, these are my go-to aids. If you've got any others you can offer, I'd love to hear them. And if you are grappling with self-patience in any way, please know you're not alone. I'm sure we will find our way forward together.