Making Room for Difference

Confession: I have been sitting here for the better part of two days, trying to write this post. My heart is heavy, my brain is confused, and my entire being is living in this tension of "I need to do something" and "I don't know what to do". 

By the time you read this post, I suppose it's possible that the situation occurring in the middle east will have de-escalated -- this is my hope; or maybe it will have escalated -- this is my fear. I don't know. I do know that I have some thoughts to share about the conflict, and these thoughts aren't necessarily complete. They are just thoughts that are simmering; and they are thoughts that may help some of you, or they may annoy some of you, or perhaps some of you will be indifferent. I don't know (which is a state of being that I do NOT like). 

Anyway, here goes. 

The biggest thought that keeps recurring for me when it comes to conflict of any sort, is this: what keeps getting us in trouble as humans is our collective insistence on binary thinking. You're either good, or you're bad. You're either right, or you're wrong. You're either anti-Hamas, or antisemitic. What I am learning is that our ability to live in harmony requires us to find a more nuanced approach to relationship. "Either/or" thinking is not serving us well. There are very, very few situations in which a binary is actually the whole truth. We need to -- like we actually NEED to -- find a way to make room for more than one truth.

For me, I am not supportive of Hamas (or any terrorist group); and I am in favour of Palestinian lives being saved.

I am not antisemitic; I am against state-sanctioned violence that is (in this case) being perpetrated by the Israeli government. 

I am not wanting anyone to ignore atrocities that have been perpetrated; I am wanting us all to stop interacting with versions of "the last one standing wins" and move instead to a space of being in meaningful dialogue. 

At the core of all of these statements above is the fact that I am anti-violence.  Like, vehemently so. I strongly believe that violence has yet to solve anything in our world in a meaningful, sustainable way. And yet, violence abounds. So, how do I -- or you, or anyone -- make room for all of this?

There is no easy way forward. Oh, how I wish there was. But there isn't, and what's needed -- on a global level, for sure, but also at the smaller systems levels of family, and community, and relationships in general -- is a willingness to make room for difference. A willingness for all of us to see one another, human to human, WITHOUT NEGATING DIFFERENCES.

You see, it's far too easy to gravitate towards how we are all the same, to simply stop at the "we're all human; can't we just along?" sentiment. The problem with that -- the problem with stopping at the fact that we are all human -- is we don't make room for difference. And when we don't make room for difference, nobody actually feels like they have a space where they fully belong, warts and all (unless they're part of accepted, dominant culture -- this is how oppression is created). 

When we don't make room for difference, people feel unseen, unvalued, and unwelcomed. And it's not enough to see difference in and of itself; instead, in addition to seeing it, we must make room for it and see the value in it. In all of it. 

These are the thoughts that have been swimming around for me for quite a while now; I find myself sinking into this belief more deeply in the face of what's happening in our world. I hear folks asking, are you pro-X or pro-Y? And for me, it's not that simple. 

Many of you are likely familiar with the acronym VUCA as it relates to the world. VUCA stands for Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity. We live in a VUCA world -- a world that is filled with nuance and subtle distinctions. This means we must address issues and concerns with nuance and subtlety. We can't see everything the same; we can't go around with a metaphorical hammer and act as if everything is a nail. That just leads to mass destruction. 

My bottom-line this week is this: we have to let go of either/or thinking. We have to stop imagining lines in the sand and folks being on one side or the other. We need to start creating circles of belonging, and the way to do this is to make room for difference. That's all I have for now. That, and a prayer that somehow, we will collectively find our way forward before we destroy each other.