Learning to Challenge Safe Spaces
As many of you know, much of my work includes the facilitation of workshops, leadership and team development, as well as individual and team coaching.
Some of this work I do on my own.
Some of this work I do in collaboration with others.
All of this work, I do with a view to creating a better world.
In the interest of sharing my vision, let me say that for me a better world means a world where all voices are heard (see last week’s post), where all lives are valued, where growth is encouraged and power isn’t held by any one group at the expense of others. Some might consider these lofty aims; I consider them necessary to humanity’s evolution.
As I engage with individual clients and teams, I often find myself “creating a container” as it were. Essentially, I invite folks into the creation of a space that will serve our collective experience. This is how we ensure that everyone can participate fully and take responsibility for the environment in which such participation happens.
When getting curious about what folks need as the hallmarks of their container, what often gets named as a “must have” is safety. While the request can be framed in lots of ways, the essence is always some version of “I need a safe space.”
When I first started doing this work, I would simply acknowledge and hold these requests as valid without any further discussion. These days, I find myself pushing back a bit. Because I think our collective understanding of “safety” doesn’t serve us well. Before you rise in mutiny, let me explain.
A couple of years ago, I was introduced to an amazing poem by Micky ScottBey Jones, called “Invitation to Brave Space”. You can google it if you feel so inclined. The poem makes a distinction between “safe space” and “brave space” and points to how the former doesn’t serve us in our growth or our desire to live fully. In fact, the poem names that “safe space” isn’t possible, especially in the way that our society holds it. Usually, such named safety is about comfort. And you and I both know that growth – evolution – requires less comfort and more discomfort.
With this subtle but powerful distinction in mind, “brave space” is what I’m going for these days. I want to create spaces where we can all name what we are feeling, what we are longing for. I want spaces where we call each other forth, even as we feel the shakiness of our individual and collective nerves. I want the sort of space that allows us to feel brave and bold and curious and compassionate, in equal measure. I want the space that is less about safety and comfort and more about bravery, boldness and open silence. I want spaces where all of us can co-exist, in our less-than-wholeness.
These spaces will not feel comfortable and ergo, they may not feel safe for some individuals. But imagine what might be possible if we all knew, that even in our discomfort, there was room for us? That we might feel uncomfortable but we would still be ALLOWED? Imagine what we could create and what we could become if we could stretch beyond mere safety, and into the space of bravery?
I think it’s time for us to be brave.
Brave enough to be curious.
Brave enough to challenge our beliefs.
Brave enough to speak, and brave enough to stop speaking.
Brave enough to take up space, and brave enough to allow others to take space.
Our world needs more genuine bravery. The kind of bravery that will help us grow. The kind of bravery that will allow us to work for better, together. The kind of bravery that is about putting aside power over others, and using power in service of others. It’s time for each of us to let go of being comfortable, and step into being brave.