Stretch or Stagnate: There’s Pain Either Way
So, I’ve been experiencing the joys of stretching lately. I say this with tongue in cheek. I can’t honestly say that I feel a whole lot of joy in the stretching, at least not inherently; instead there’s a good deal of pain.
And I’m not talking about physical stretching here, the kind that you associate with exercise. Instead, I’m talking about the mental stretching required for me to move to a new level in my business. It’s the entrepreneurial way, I believe. Continual stretching, growing, evolving. And stretching — the sort of stretching that’s actually going to get you to a new level — inherently involves pain, to a certain degree. Not unbearable pain. But enough pain to be uncomfortable. I guess that’s the actual feeling — discomfort.
The alternative to stretching is to stagnate. As in “stay where you are, maintain the status quo.” The challenge is that stagnation is painful as well. It’s painful because you don’t grow, evolve or shift in any way. Instead, you atrophy, slowly but surely. And who wants that? I don’t know; maybe some do. My sense, however, is that leadership requires growth, stretch and evolution. And so, pain — or at least discomfort — goes hand-in-hand with effective leadership.
There are payoffs, I know it. The experience of success, of accomplishment, of vision made manifest. And, you’ve got to stretch, go through the pain and discomfort, before you can experience the gifts.
Bottom-line: as a leader you’re going to hit a point where you’ve either got to stretch or stagnate. There’s pain either way. But only one will get you where you want to go. Stretch with me?
Learning to Respond
Have you ever had it happen where you’re presented with a piece of information that sends you for a spin (metaphorically-speaking, of course)? You know, a curve ball of sorts. You’re going through your day tickity-boo when, out of nowhere, you get a call or an email that gives you information that you either didn’t need, didn’t want, or has you confused in some way. I know it happens to me from time-to-time. So I know it happens to you (my opening question really was a rhetorical one!).
What do you do when that happens? This is something I’ve been playing with — consciously and deliberately — this week. What I notice from my own experience, and I’m willing to bet that it’s true for you as well, is that your instinct is to dive in and address the issue at hand RIGHT NOW. There’s a way that you just react. Right? Of course you do. It’s what your mind is trained to do. What I’m working at doing — and in turn inviting you to do — is start RESPONDING instead. You know, take a moment (or 5 or 10 moments), breathe, re-read or re-listen to the information. Remove whatever emotional charge you hear or experience. And then, from a truly grounded space, respond.
I know, I know, sometimes there isn’t time to get grounded. Well, what I’m learning is that getting grounded actually doesn’t take a lot of time. The time it takes to draw a single, deliberate breath will do it. In that moment you can release yourself of any emotion, anchor yourself in a solid way, and respond.
Why is this important to leadership? Because everyone around you needs you to be grounded in the way you show up. When you react, you’re likely to say or do something you’ll regret. Something that’s not congruent. Something that’s based on inaccurate perception. You’ll hear insinuation where there may not be any, you’ll sense accusation that may not exist, you’ll feel mal-intent that’s really not there. And if you react to those things, you’ll end up creating a situation that doesn’t need to get created — a situation that flies in the face of whatever your leadership vision is.
Sometimes, you will react, no doubt about it. And yet, if you can get more deliberate about RESPONDING to whatever shows up, you’ll definitely lessen the reactionary fallout. It may be challenging to give yourself the time to respond vs. react. But knowing that it only takes a moment, it’s a moment that’s definitely worth taking. So go ahead. Breathe; then respond.
Leadership & Letting Go
Woke up this morning, came downstairs, powered up my computer and contemplated on what to write in this blog today. As I waited for things to boot up, I did a quick scan of my email box. In there, I found a notification that indicated someone had unsubscribed from my newsletter mailing list. And it’s someone I know. Someone who I believed was getting value from being connected with me and plugging in to my business world. The email removal request was surprising — and, I’ll admit it, it hurt just a bit. Until I remembered something: her choice to remove her name from my email list is about her, her needs, and where she’s at; it’s really not about me.
I mean, yes, it’s probably fair to assume (and I really try not to assume if at all possible) that for some reason she’s no longer getting value out of my publication. It may even be that she’s purging a whole lot of things from her life at this moment, and my newsletter happens to fall within the scope of all of that. Regardless, however, I can’t dwell on the fact that she’s removed herself. I can, if I wish, determine the reason why and see how I might address that need. And, her need may in fact have nothing to do with me, or it may not be something that I can meet. This is actually where I need to stay really clear on what I do and don’t do, have confidence in the value I bring to those who remain within my database, and truly lean in to the wisdom of the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Her reason or season may simply be up; and I need to allow that to be okay.
Believe it or not, I can see the implications for leadership in this little experience. Sometimes, as a leader, you can become attached to certain people. You can begin to think that they’ll be in the picture forevermore. And the result is that you can have difficulty letting go when you need to let go, which means you’ll stagnate a bit. Leadership requires you to be willing to let go — either by your own choice, or by virtue of the fact that the person in question realizes that their path is taking them elsewhere. Your job as leader is to not take the changes or leavings personally, anchor yourself in what your about, tweak if need be, and continue to move forward.
Bottom-line: effective leadership requires you to learn how to let go with grace. It’s part of the whole deal. It’s the only way you can keep moving forward to whatever your vision is. You need to trust that letting go and the accompanying changes serve the big picture. And you’ve got to let go with grace so you can lead without stagnating.
Effective Leaders Know How to Share
“If I don’t do it myself, it won’t be done properly.” As a leader, if you subscribe to any version of this belief — the idea that it’s got to be done by you and you alone — then you are not leading effectively. You are leading — probably holding a vision, moving towards a specific objective — but you are failing to recognize that success requires a team approach. Ask anyone who’s made it big in any industry — even in individual sport — and you’ll discover that they’ve enlisted the help of others to get them to the pinnacle of their success.
This can seem counter-intuitive, I know. If you hold a leadership position, then the buck stops with you, so-to-speak. And that sort of responsibility can lead to a sense of needing to do everything yourself. However, the most effective leadership strategy involves a shared approach to the task at hand. There’s a willingness to inspire and empower others to support you in achieving the objective — and even a willingness to let them find their own approach to what needs to be done. In other words, effective leaders do not micromanage.
If you’re a leader, and you’re feeling the weight of your role in any way, shape, or form, I would invite you to look at your approach to leadership. Are you holding the responsibility solely on your shoulders? If so, it’s time to start divesting yourself of the burden. Because shared leadership is where it’s at.
Learning to Shine the Light
Believe it or not, you’ve got a metaphorical light that you’re shining all the time. I’m not talking about your inner goodness here. I’m talking about a flashlight of sorts, a lens that allows you to see things clearer. Generally speaking, you shine the light outward — keeping your focus on where you’re headed and sometimes exploring what’s hidden in the dark corners. Shining the light in this manner ensures that your path is always illuminated, at least enough that you can follow it.
What I know is that sometimes, however, you’ve also go to shine the light inward. This can be a daunting process for some. When you shine the light inward, you basically allow yourself to see what you’re wanting, what you’re fearing, how you’re pushing yourself and how you might be holding yourself back. Shining the light inward gives very little room for illusion. And yet, shining the light inward from time to time, is what allows you to then shine the light outward with a clearer sense of purpose and direction.
I often find that this time of year lends itself to introspection of this sort. As the current year winds down and the new year prepares to dawn, I get to ask myself questions related to my dreams and desires, my choices, my actions. I get to clarify what it is I want, and determine whether or not I’m committed to creating and achieving whatever that is. As I get clearer in this way, the choices that I need to make become more apparent as I then shine my light outward.
Bottom-line: no matter what your leadership purpose or vision, it behooves you to turn your light inward from time-to-time and be sure that what’s going on “inside” lines up with the paths you’re illuminating “outside.” Introspection is a good thing. And this time of year can provide the perfect opportunity for you to get clear.
Effective Leadership and The Secret
Several years ago, the movie “The Secret” was released and the self-help world hasn’t been the same since. Some loved the movie and the concepts it put forth; some hated it; very few were unaffected. I myself was resistant to watching the movie for the longest time, primarily because the title didn’t resonate with me. From all I had heard, it seemed like a misrepresentation — there was nothing secretive at all about the content, as far as I could tell. Packaging it as “The Secret”, however, was a brilliant marketing move. After all, who doesn’t want to be privy to a secret?
All that being said, I did eventually watch it. I’ll even admit that I bought a copy of the movie for my own periodic reference. And, having watched the movie several times, here’s something I want you to know: “The Secret” as presented is incomplete. That is what I find most frustrating about the package. A critical element has been left out, and as a result, many people are no further ahead in the manifestation and achievement of their dreams and goals. “Ask, Believe, Receive” is put forth as the general sequence required for one to bring dreams into reality; however, these three steps alone will not work without one critical piece — action.
“Asking” and “Believing”, when combined, can essentially be equated to visualization. Based on the sequence as presented in “The Secret”,once you ask and believe, receiving should come about naturally. There needs to be an element of action, however, that follows the asking and believing — simply visualizing is not enough. Dreams do not become reality as a result of staring at a picture. Period.
So, what are the implications for leadership? As a leader, you’ve got a vision, I guarantee it. There’s something you’ve got your heart set on creating, achieving, doing. Taking time each day to visualizing that thing, whatever it is — see it, imagine the details — is essential. And, equally essential is taking some action towards the achievement of that goal. The action doesn’t have to be monumental; it can in fact be small in comparison. But it does need to be taken. Examples of small, but definite actions include:
- share your dream with someone — tell people what you’re striving for
- do some research
- develop a plan (business plan, 3-year plan, building plan)
- connect with people who can support you
These are simple examples of small but concrete actions. Taking action that directly relates to whatever it is you’re striving to create is what will bring your dream to reality in the end.
Bottom-line: visualization is good. You need to visualize because you need to know what you’re striving for. So go ahead, ASK for something and BELIEVE that you’ll get it. Before you can actually RECEIVE what you’re asking for, however, you’re going to have to take some ACTION. Action always preceded the actual receiving. That, my friends, is the real secret.
Take a Deep Breath, and BEGIN AGAIN
So, when I first started writing this blog post, my content was going to revolve around dealing with the myriad of ideas that flow my way on any given day. It seemed like a suitable subject; the last few weeks I’ve found myself to be inundated with a whack of ideas — a never-flowing stream of ideas — and determining what to entertain has felt challenging. So I started — and finished — writing that post, and hit “PUBLISH”, only to realize that while I was typing, without my cluing in, my internet connection had been lost. Which meant that my entire blog post, which I assumed was being automatically saved as I typed (which is what usually happens), was lost. Gone. May as well not have been entered at all. Very, very frustrating.
What I realized, once I got over my initial frustration, was that this sort of thing happens. Sometimes, it looks like my experience did — you lose something you thought you had. Or, you can’t find it. Or in other variations of the theme, a client you were counting on decides to go elsewhere. Or something you wanted to buy is out of stock when you get to the store. Plans you were looking forward to fall through. Life is filled with supposed set-backs, curve balls, surprises. However you frame it, these things can throw you off, at least momentarily. The question is, what do you do with that experience?
Well, it feels to me like I’m learning and relearning this lesson a lot. Which I’m guessing is a good thing. At the very least, it allows me to pass my learnings on to you. In this context, I could easily have decided that the universe didn’t want me to write a post today, and let it go. I think it would have been a valid course of action, and I could have moved on to other items on my to-do list. Alternatively, I could have thrown in the towel and decided that I should just go back to bed and take the day off. A little extreme possibly, but still an option. Thirdly, I could have tried to recreate the original article; indeed I did try that for about 2 minutes, but when the frustration got to be unbearable, I let that idea go too. What I did choose to do in the end, was take a deep breath (actually, 5-10 deep breaths), and start again. As I allowed myself to entertain the idea of starting fresh, as I let go of the need to rewrite what I had written the first time, new ideas and possibilities opened up. I felt my anxiety dissipate, and found that I could move on. It wasn’t in the direction that I originally anticipated, and it was okay. It was more than okay. It got me unstuck.
Bottom-line: having to begin again can feel ridiculously frustrating. My sense is that when you allow yourself to take a deep breath first, and then begin again, what you’re actually doing is clearing the space for new stuff. So while the title of this post would suggest that the emphasis is on beginning again, what I really want is for you to understand the importance of breathing through the process. The deep breathing is what will facilitate the beginning again, making everything come out alright in the end.
Leader? Follower? Can You Be Both?
I woke up this morning with a question in my mind: what’s the difference between a leader and a follower? Which quickly led to another question: can you be both a leader and a follower? For me, this blog provides a place for me to explore a bit and so, I’m going to see if I can’t sift through my thoughts to arrive at answers to these questions.
What’s the difference between a leader and a follower? As I hold this question and mull it over, it strikes as pivotal in some respects. What I know for sure is that being a leader is about so much more than holding a specific title. You certainly might be a leader by virtue of the fact that you’re a CEO, founder, president, chairperson, etc;. But the title’s not enough. Leadership is about vision, it’s about risk-taking, it’s about showing up and standing up and playing the game even when others are dropping out. Leaders are required to take a stand and invite others to stand alongside. Leaders have to be willing to get it wrong, in order to get it right (whatever “it” might be). In other words, a true leader cannot wait for the perfect idea at the perfect moment. True leaders put themselves out there when things are less than perfect, knowing that as they move forward, step-by-step, perfection will be attained.
Followers, on the other hand, don’t need to hold a vision, they need only subscribe to another person’s vision. Followers don’t need to risk taking the first step; instead they can follow in the footsteps of another. Followers can pull out of the game for a bit, take a breath, and then dive back in when they’re ready. All of this might make it sound like followers have got it far easier than leaders. And I think that this is a bit of a misnomer. Why? Because as a follower, you’ve actually got to exercise a bit of gumption. You’ve got to use your wits and ascertain whether the vision you’re subscribing to is subscription-worthy. As a follower, your role is to lend support to your leaders, and so you’ve got to know what support is required of you in every moment. You’ve got to be able to “read the play” so-to-speak. The role of follower is no less difficult than the role of leader; it’s just different.
So, can someone be both a leader and a follower? As I ask this question, a vision of flying geese comes to mind. What I remember about geese flying in formation is that they absolutely always have a designated leader. They also, however, have a system whereby, when the leader gets tired, the leader “steps back” and another goose takes the position of leader. So now, the follower is the leader, and the leader follows for a bit. In other words, while there is a definite leader and follower role to be held, when it comes right down to it which goose is the leader or follower isn’t nearly as important as all of the geese realizing that they’re on the same team, playing the same game, moving towards the same objective.
Bottom-line: every team needs a leader, and every team needs followers to support the leader’s objectives. More importantly, however, every team member — whether they are leader or follower — has to realize that the overriding fact is that they’re a team. The entity of team trumps the individual roles — at least when the team is all on the same page. So, leaders, followers, ask yourselves: are you on the same page? And if you’re not, how are you going to get there?
It’s Time to Stop Dragging Your Heels
One of the things that I find myself facing from time-to-time, is the challenge of dealing with people who seem to be dragging their feet. You know the type. They say they want something, but they don’t seem to be willing to do a whole lot about it. In the context of the work I do with leaders, this often takes the form of wishing — “I wish my team would work more cohesively” or “I wish I could reach my objective of hosting five retreats this year”. Wishing is a way of dragging your feet — especially if all you’re doing is wishing.
You see, as a leader, wishing in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. Wishes carry the seeds of dreams. And dreams can and do fuel leadership visions. That being said, when you allow yourself to stay in “wishing mode” without taking action of some sort, things do not evolve and shift. Nothing changes. You’re dragging your heels. And that does not serve leadership, ever.
Dragging your heels isn’t about moving and acting slowly. Dragging your heels is about not taking action at all, sometimes disguising the fact by pencil pushing, acting on the trivial, and leaving the big stuff until later. The only problem is that “later” never seems to arrive. And so the wish stays a wish and doesn’t become a reality.
Whether your leadership vision is about busting through the glass financial ceiling, launching a new product, or starting a global movement is irrelevant. With all leadership visions, there comes a point when you’ve got to move from the place of wishing and dreaming and take action. Without action of some sort — even small, baby steps day-by-day — your vision cannot become reality.
Bottom-line: we’re over 1/2 way through 2010. Whatever your leadership vision — or even your personal vision, stop dealing with the small tasks, hold the big vision, and take at least one step towards major action. Small steps lead to big steps, big steps lead to vision becoming reality. Stop dragging your heels.
The Wrapping’s Not Very Pretty, But…
…it’s definitely a gift. That’s what I’ve gleaned out of some of today’s experiences. For example: I had a meeting scheduled for this morning, and I was really looking forward to the productive brainstorming that I was envisioning happening. Unfortunately, my colleague and I ended up at two different meeting places due to a misunderstanding as to location. On the one hand, bummer — because I couldn’t share my ideas visually and receive ideas visually. On the other hand, great gift — because I was out of my usual workspace and got two degrees closer in clarity as to what I’m trying to create PLUS I got to enjoy a white mochaccino, one of my secret indulgences, while I waited.
Then, I came home to deal with an ongoing blood sugar roller coaster (this one’s been going on for a couple of days now). Bummer — because I couldn’t go for the run that I would’ve liked to experience — running when my blood sugar is wonky is just asking for trouble. Great gift — because it allowed me to slow down and breathe through a very healthy lunch meal.
Finally, I hit a creative wall in the middle of a project this afternoon. My brain actually stopped generating any ideas whatsoever. Bummer — because I felt like I was on a roll. Gift — because it forced me to reach outside of myself and enlist the help of some other folks in generating ideas, lean into community as it were. And community is always a gift.
Bottom-line: the day’s not unfolding as I might have envisioned it. And I know that that happens sometimes — it’s part of the leadership game. Heck, it’s part of the game of life. I realize that I could get all bent out of shape about it. Except that I also realize that the way it’s actually unfolding is better than what I originally envisioned. I’m needing to step into a new vantage point to see the gifts; and the gifts are there nonetheless. Pretty cool thing to remember, I think.