Feeling Derailed? It Happens

So, I got some news this morning that I wasn’t at all expecting.  Furthermore, it isn’t the sort of news that I would want to expect.  The specifics really don’t matter, at least not for the purpose of this blog.  What matters is the fact that this unexpected news — the equivalent of a curve ball — has me feeling derailed.  That’s right, derailed, as in thrown off my track.  And so, as any good coach would do, I find myself going to the place of curiousity — curiousity about how to be with derailment.  I mean, when a leader feels derailed, what do you do with that in order to not have “derailed” define you from hereon in?  How do you ensure that “derailed” doesn’t become your permanent state of being?

Well, here’s what I’ve come up with, and I think this list — while probably not exhaustive — is a good start.

1. Let “derailed” be okay, at least for while.  Give yourself permission to feel derailed, and don’t beat yourself up for it.
2. Lean in to your support system.  The people you trust, whether they’re family, friends, colleagues or professionals, find them and share with them.  Don’t try to be in this place completely alone.  Don’t isolate yourself.
3. Give yourself the gift of time.  You’ve been taken off the track for a reason.  Stay off for a while — and notice what’s here in this space.
4. Breathe.  And then breathe again.  Derailment can leave you scared and anxious, and therefore breathing in a shallow sort of way.  So get conscious and breathe deeply.  It’s a stress-reliever you know.
5. Get the facts.  Whatever news you’ve gotten, don’t let your mind make up a story that’s too far-fetched.  There’s a human tendency to get a piece of information and run with it.  Don’t.  Flesh that info out, make sure you’ve got facts, not assumptions.

Once you’ve moved through these 5 steps (and they don’t have to be done in any particular order; in fact, some may be repeated as necessary) start to move back on to the track, whatever that is for you.  It might actually be a slightly different track than you were on originally.  And, the point is to get moving again.  Punctuate your movement with moments of revisiting each of the above steps.  And slowly but surely, my guess is that you’ll be zipping along as required again.

Bottom-line: derailment is bound to happen.  It can be frustrating, scary and confusing — and there are ways to navigate through it with ease.  These 5 steps are a start.  Here’s to the gifts of derailment, and to getting back on track.

Someone’s Walking With You

One of the things that I’ve been taught — or at least that I’ve assimilated as a belief somewhere along the line — is the idea that nobody can walk my journey for me; I’ve got to walk my journey on my own.  At first glance, and indeed when I look at my life, I can see how this can be construed as the absolute truth.  I mean really, I cannot walk your life’s journey, nor can you walk mine.  The challenge with this belief, however, is the often-made extrapolation that you must, therefore, walk your journey entirely alone.  What I’m coming to realize in a really big way is that this is far from the truth.  While it may be true that only I can walk my path, it is equally true that I never walk alone — I’ve actually got a support team walking with me.

I’m not trying to be all religious here.  I am, however, trying to draw your attention to a spiritual truth that overrides whatever you may hold as religious beliefs.  The truth is this:  the universe as a whole has always got your back, and you are surrounded — by virtue of the fact that you live in a world of human beings galore — by people who can walk alongside you and help you, if you’re willing to enlist them on your journey.  This is a vital point to understand because, when you realize that you are not alone, you also realize that you’re capable of more than you might do on your own.  Working with a team is guaranteed to get you greater results than when you fly solo — when you look at all successful people you quickly realize that nobody is successful on their own.

So, here’s what needs to happen.  No matter what you consider your life’s purpose to be, it’s time for you to recognize that as you move to fulfill this purpose, you do in fact have people in your corner to support you, and it is essential that you lean in and grab their energy for support .  If this isn’t immediately obvious to you, don’t fret.  Keep your eyes and ears open and on the lookout for your supporters, let go of any who are obviously non-supporters in order to make room for your team, and keep moving forward.  Feel the support that it naturally around you, and move ahead.  That’s the way to accomplish whatever it is you’re up to in this world.

Bottom-line:  you are not alone, even when you’re walking your path to infinity.  Life is good.

Stop Making Yourself Alone

I know, 2 blog posts in one day — what’s up with that?  But I’m feeling moved to write, and I’ve learned to honour the gentle nudges of the universe.  And the nudge right now is to share with you a learning from last year: nobody is ever alone.  Let me explain.

There have been many times in my life when I have felt alone.  Indeed, there have been some times when I have felt more than simply alone, I have felt completely isolated.  In recent years this is something of an occupational hazard — I work from home, self-employed — you get the picture.  But even outside of work stuff, there are moments where I feel — indeed when I tell myself — that I am in this game of life on my own, that there’s nobody in the game with me, or at least nobody in my playing zone.  Can you relate?  I’m guesing that you can.  And what I learned last year is that, the whole “I’m alone” thing is a crock — it really is.

You see, we live in a world of millions — actually billions — of people.  Therefore, unless you’re living as a hermit in the midst of the desert or the rainforest (and I will concede that this is possible), you are likely within a few minutes reach of somebody’s physical presence, if not their energetic presence (e.g., phone, internet, etc;).  Which means that you can always reach out to somebody, somewhere.  This is an important thing for you to know.  Because when times get tough or things get overwhelming, there seems to be this fairly human tendency to pull inward and withdraw, which leads to a sense of isolation — and oftentimes, being alone in these cases doesn’t serve well.  The irony of this human tendency is that it’s counter-productive.  In moments of overwhelm or difficulty, what’s often needed is the strength and company of others.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that “alone-time” is a bad thing.  Indeed there are plenty of times when a few moments of solitude can serve you really well.  It can be a chance to sort things out, regroup, get grounded.  But there does come a point where you absolutely must reach out and find the human connection that can support you in getting through whatever’s going on.  Instead of making yourself alone, it’s time to make yourself connected.

Now, I know there are some of you saying but I AM alone — people around me are too busy, my coworkers have their own things to deal with, my family doesn’t understand (besides they live too far away) and on and on.  And here’s what I want to offer you, at the risk of sounding uber-philosophical:  even when the human beings in your life seem to vanish from your presence, the universe (use whatever religious term fits for you here — God, Jesus, Spirit, Allah) is right beside you.  That’s right, the universe has got your back; erego YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, no matter what is going on for you.  For me personally, the moment when I realized this, was absolutely liberating and life-altering.  I still have moments where old patterns kick in and I try to convince myself that I’m in this on my own.  And then I remember that I’m not.  Andt he beauty is that when I remember this — when I get that at the very least the universe is in my corner (which seems a pretty big deal, actually) — then I am able to find the strength, courage and wisdom to reach out and connect with whoever is available.  Then, I’m not alone.  And that’s a good thing.  So I invite you to share in the experience of connection — stop making yourself alone.