Stretch or Stagnate: There’s Pain Either Way

So, I’ve been experiencing the joys of stretching lately.  I say this with tongue in cheek.  I can’t honestly say that I feel a whole lot of joy in the stretching, at least not inherently; instead there’s a good deal of pain.

And I’m not talking about physical stretching here, the kind that you associate with exercise.  Instead,  I’m talking about the mental stretching required for me to move to a new level in my business.  It’s the entrepreneurial way, I believe.  Continual stretching, growing, evolving.  And stretching — the sort of stretching that’s actually going to get you to a new level — inherently involves pain, to a certain degree.  Not unbearable pain.  But enough pain to be uncomfortable.  I guess that’s the actual feeling — discomfort.

The alternative to stretching is to stagnate.  As in “stay where you are, maintain the status quo.”  The challenge is that stagnation is painful as well.  It’s painful because you don’t grow, evolve or shift in any way.  Instead, you atrophy, slowly but surely.  And who wants that?  I don’t know; maybe some do.  My sense, however, is that leadership requires growth, stretch and evolution.  And so, pain — or at least discomfort — goes hand-in-hand with effective leadership.

There are payoffs, I know it.  The experience of success, of accomplishment, of vision made manifest.  And, you’ve got to stretch, go through the pain and discomfort, before you can experience the gifts.

Bottom-line:  as a leader you’re going to hit a point where you’ve either got to stretch or stagnate.  There’s pain either way.  But only one will get you where you want to go.  Stretch with me?

Sure, You’re Great; Now Strive for Better

Plateaus and standstills.  Everyone hits them.  You know you’ve hit at least one over the course of your lifetime, those times where you feel like you’ve accomplished whatever you set out to do, you’ve reached your goal, you’ve celebrated and now there’s a sense of stillness and uncertainty around you.  “What’s next?” seems to be the question that hangs over you at all times.  In these moments, the great leaders know that even while they own and celebrate their greatness, it’s time to set new objectives and strive for better.

Leadership doesn’t end once a goal is achieved.  If anything, one might argue that great leaders step into the limelight in the time and space between the accomplishment of one goal, and the movement towards a new goal.  The space in which you decide what’s next, that’s where your leadership is really needed.  It’s time for you to model what it means to reach for the next great thing, whatever that might be.

Bottom-line:  inspiring leaders strive not only for great, but for greater and greatest.   In order to be at your leadership best, you need to constantly stretch beyond great, and model the same for those you lead.   You’ve got to be willing to hold the question, “How can I make this better?” even when things are pretty darn good.  That’s how you know you’re stepping into inspiring leadership.

Walking to the Edge

“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have

And step into the darkness of the unknown

Believe that one of the two will happen to you

Either you’ll find something solid to stand on

Or you’ll be taught how to fly!”

~Richard Bach

I woke up this morning wondering about “edges.”  Not sure why.  And the question really was around what they are — as in, what are the edges from which I’m holding myself back?  And what would happen if I pushed myself towards them, just a bit more?  This curiousity prompted me to do a google search about “edges” — which led to me finding the above quote by Bach.

I’ll confess:  I’ve never read Jonathan Livingston Seagull — and I understand that Bach is the author of said book.  I believe it’s a classic, and yet, I don’t really feel a call to read it — at least not yet.  I do feel a call in this moment to explore the edges of my world a bit.  To figure out what the edges are, and to get really close to them — if only to find out what’s out beyond them.

Now, I don’t think I’m completely unaware of the edges.  I don’t feel like I’m playing it altogether safe in my world.  And, I do have a sense that perhaps I’m playing it safer than I need to be.  I may well be closer to the edge than some, and I could go closer still — this is what I’m feeling in my core.

My sense is that moving to the edges of your life, whatever those edges might be, challenges you to be ever-so-slightly uncomfortable in your own skin.  And this sort of discomfort, I believe, is what will allow you to grow into all you’re meant to be, do all you’re meant to do.  So how do I move closer to the edge?  Believe it or not, I’ve actually got a physical experience of this — a couple of years ago I did a high-ropes course that required me to walk right to the edge of a very narrow plank — and jump off!  The plank was about 30 feet up in the air.  And while I was totally secured with ropes and harness, as I was walking, there was a very deliberate act of will that was required on my part.  There was one member of my group who was able to walk as naturally as if the plank was on the ground.  For me, I had to take one deliberate step at a time, reminding myself that I was held and safe, and then when I got to the edge, I chose to leap towards a trapeze (as opposed to into “nothing”).  So if I apply this learning to my current question of “how do I walk to the edge”, here’s what I extrapolate:

1. walk deliberately
2. one step at a time
3. remember that you’re actually safe
4. know that even when you can’t see what’s there, you’re jumping towards something
5. keep your focus — whether on the edge, or your feet, or what’s next — keep your focus

The edge is not a bad place to explore, when you know you’re held and supported.  Going to the edge is what will allow you to experience all of your life.  Going to the edge doesn’t have to be dangerous — and it will stretch you.  Find your way to the edge.  My sense is that it might even be fun.

Feel the S-T-R-E-T-C-H!!!

So, while yesterday there was a sense of stuckness and restlessness for me, today is all about movement and stretch.  Woke up with the inspiration to “just do it” already — complete some follow-ups, take some risks, step boldly as it were.  It’s all great.  Had a concrete goal as well, to put some finishing touches on a workshop — which I did.  And what I’ve been noticing is that, moving out of the restless place, while it absolutely required me to “notice, allow and shift” as I suggested yesterday, it also requires me to stretch.

Now here’s the interesting thing that I’m learning about stretch:  I can stretch to different degrees.  Sometimes, it’s just a wee bit of a stretch.  At other times, it’s a real, effort-filled, dear-Lord-can-I-really-pull-myself-that-far sort of stretch.  And both serve.  Both have me move beyond whatever self-imposed limits I’ve created, and both stretches have me create space for what I couldn’t necessarily have anticipated showing up.

In a leadership context, this feels really important for me to remember.  As a leader, I need to constantly be aware of how I might stretch, what I might stretch into, what I might create.  Red flags for me are when I hear myself imposing limits — or even notice myself acknowledging limits.  Those limit-noticing moments are also opportunities for me to ask, “what’s the stretch here?”

As anyone who’s ever done any physical activity of any sort knows, stretching is a good thing.  It limbers you up, gets you ready, and allows you to do what would otherwise have been beyond you.  The same principle applies in the leadership game.  If you’re really going to bring your leadership vision to life, you’ve got to stretch.   A little stretch here, a big stretch there, whatever sort of stretch — just stretch.  M-O-V-E yourself into those spaces that seem like they’re off limits; challenge yourself, even just a little bit.  When it comes right down to it, at the end of the day, those little stretches all add up to one big leadership expansion.  And as a leader, that’s exactly what I’m going for.

How Is Knowing Your Limits Limiting You?

I’ll bet the title question has you just a little stumped.  Maybe perplexed.  And maybe not.  Regardless, the idea of limits is what we’re going to explore in this month’s issue of LAUNCH.  More specifically, we’re going to look at limits in the context of how you create your life.  Before we go there, let’s recap:  so far in the “new year, new story” series we’ve talked about using the phrase “the end” as a tool to stop the repetitious old story that tends to cycle through your brain when you’re going through life unconscious of your thoughts; then we talked about the importance of being strategic in your use of the word “should” – using it as minimally as possible, thereby ensuring that you rid yourself of any unnecessary burden.  And finally, we explored the issue of personal responsibility, particularly as it relates to the somewhat nebulous quality of feelings.  Having done all that, and before we go any further, I want to invite you to pause for a moment and notice what’s different in your life now?  Three months into this new story of your life, what changes are you noticing in the way you interact with the world?  What are you finding easy?  And what remains a challenge?  Just notice, take stock, and then move on.  There’s definitely more to explore.  So let’s begin.

One of the things that is important when you set about to create the life that you want for yourself, life on your terms, is for you to know your capabilities, your passions, your talents, and your limits.  Sounds like a lot when put this way, but really it’s about knowing what your strengths are so that you can “leverage your best and ditch the rest.”  Indeed, you’re most effective in the creation of anything — but particularly in the creation of life on your terms — when you know where your particular assets lie.  Here’s the kicker though:  while knowing your strengths can serve you well, being aware of your limits can actually hold you back.  Why?  Because you start to create a story that is filled with limitations.  Phrases like “I don’t do…”, “I can’t do…”, “That’s just not my thing”, “I’m not into…” actually form boxes in which you start to live.  In my experience the actual fact, however, is that while you may not like certain things, while you may prefer a specific way of being, if pushed to the wire you actually COULD do a lot of what you tell yourself is impossible.

So what?  So this:  rather than thinking about your “limits” in terms of “can’ts” and “won’ts” (“I can’t do”, “I won’t do”), you are truly better served by thinking along the lines of “I could do, and I’d rather not”, or “I don’t like to do, but I could if I tried”, and similar phrases.  My personal belief is that anyone is capable of most things when presented with the right set of circumstances.  Let me give you some examples:  I consider myself a fairly non-techy person; computer lingo often baffles me, and I’d really rather not engage in tech-related projects.  That being said, I now have a bi-weekly podcast, which requires me to use techy gadgets.  Granted, I have a fabulous producer who does most of the background work in terms of making the series available to subscribers, but one of my stories until recently was “I don’t do tech-stuff”.  Clearly, while I may not like it, I can in fact do it!  Here’s another one: I’ve always considered myself to be lacking in natural physical strength — never really been on a sports team in my youth, walking was fine as long as it was warm and sunny and I could walk slowly, and coordination was noticeably sub-par, at least compared to those “natural athletes” in my world.  So the story I created was that “I don’t do physical activity.”  Well that’s a real crock — because I do go to the gym, I do lift weights (albeit reluctanctly) and I am capable of physical exertion, to the point that I’ve started training to run a marathon next year.  Once again, my story that I’m not capable of athleticism was stopping me from exploring my range of options.  Is athletic ability a natural strength of mine?  I don’t think so.  But does it mean that I can’t access it at all?  Nope.  It’s actually there, and I CAN access it, if I really want to.

So, what do YOU really want?  And what’s it going to take for you to step outside the perceived limits you’ve set for yourself and expand your range?  Because that’s what this is really about:  giving yourself permission to play with a full range of capabilities, skills, and options.  It’s about playing outside the box and stretching your comfort zone, making “I can do anything” (or at least, “I can do most anything”) your default statement, and then choosing what you will do without limitation.

Bottom-line:  while you may have a preferred set of strengths, skills and aptitudes that you like to use, while you may have passions that light you up more than others, having these doesn’t necessarily preclude you from BEING ABLE to do other things.  You may not choose to do other things — and you’re still capable of them.  Anyone is capbable of anything under the right circumstances.  Know your limits, and don’t let them limit you.  Instead, get comfortable with your full range of potential, and live into that.