When the Answer Eludes
As a coach, one of the fundamental premises upon which I operate is that as human beings, we all have our own answers. In other words, no matter the question, you know the answer — sometimes you just need to dig a little to unearth it. That is the premise. One of the things I’m encountering this week, however, is the feeling of “not knowing” — which is disconcerting given my fundamental premise. I mean, if I have my own answers, how come I can’t find them? It’s a bizarre scenario to be in, let me tell you.
What I’m realizing is that sometimes, answers aren’t all that accessible. For whatever reason, they’re buried deep. They’re camouflaged. They’re silent. So what are you to do? Particularly as a leader, the one who’s supposed to have the answers, to be all-knowing, what do you do when the answer is elusive? Well, here are 5 strategies to implement; at the very least, they’ll be a starting point. And, at their most successful, they’ll open the solution floodgates:
- Ask for help. Enlist the support of a colleague or mentor. Sometimes, an outsider will be able to see what you’re missing.
- Move around. Get your blood flowing, move your body and watch your mental processes start to move as well. Answers can start to flow from there.
- Change perspective. If you’re sitting down, stand up. Facing the wall? Move to the window. A fresh perspective can illuminate answers previously hidden from view.
- Let it go — the question that is. Stop thinking about the problem at hand, put it aside and come back to it later. Sometimes, letting go of a question allows the answer to emerge with ease when you least expect it.
- Make it into a game. Gather a few cohorts, present the problem at hand and have fun discovering answers. Switching the “problem” into a game changes the energy — and oftentimes, things are so much easier when the energy is fun.
Bottom-line: even leaders come up against situations in which the answers are elusive. You simply can’t know it all, all the time. Or perhaps, more accurately, you can’t access it all, all the time. In those moments, there are strategies to try. And when you do, the answers will flow.
When do you find it hard to access answers? When does the world seem a little foggy to you? And how do you cope? Would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to leave them here or email me at info@stellarcc.com.
Leadership Check-In
It’s Friday, it’s the end of the first full week of 2011. Hard to believe it passed so quickly — and yet, that’s what time does, right? It passes. Sometimes, given that time seems to pass quicker than you’d like, you can become so caught up in tasks and activities that you forget to check in and get your bearings. Getting accurate bearings, however, is essential to being able to achieve whatever it is you’ve set out to achieve.
So, I want to invite you to take a moment right now and check in. Based on what you accomplished during this first week of 2011, how are things shaping up? Did things unfold as you anticipated? Better? Worse? What do you need to do, how do you need to be going forward, in order to have 2011 be the year you want it to be?
These are the questions that merit being asked at any point on your leadership journey. Transition points are wonderful opportunities for asking questions like these — the end of a day, a week, a month, a project — and, they can be asked whenever. The point is that you’ve got to take stock from time to time. Whether your leadership takes the form of being at the helm of a large corporation, the chair of a committee, or the head of a household, the only way you’ll be able to lead as effectively as possible is if you know where you’re at, relative to where you’re headed.
Bottom-line: taking stock is essential to your leadership effectiveness. So check in; evaluate; regroup as necessary; and keep on keepin’ on. Happy leading!
When You Can’t Read the Signs…
…feel them. That’s right, instead of worrying about reading the signs that the universe is trying to send you, feel them in your being. You are a powerful receptor and conveyor of information, particularly information from the universe. I know from my own experience that every answer you seek to every question you have can be accessed in your body somewhere.
Play along with me for a moment. Sit or stand with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Close your eyes (okay, you’re going to have to read this paragraph in its entirety before you do the exercise!). With your eyes closed, take 3 or 4 deep breaths. With each exhale, feel any tension you’re holding or anxiety your feeling leave through your toes and dissolve into the ground beneath you. Now take your right hand and put it over your heart, or your forehead or your stomach – wherever it is that you feel most connected to your power. Now ask whatever question you’ve got on your mind. Be still. Pay attention to your body and feeeeel the answer. Can you feel it? I assert that you can. The challenge now is for you to learn to trust it.
Whatever your question is/was you’ve now been given an answer. What will happen if you follow your guidance? So often, as human beings we rely only on what we “hear”; while there is nothing inherently wrong with hearing, what I want you to get is that there are other ways to access the answers you seek. Utilizing all of your senses will allow you to source your answers quicker.
So go ahead and play with this notion of feeling. Have some fun with it. At the very least, it’ll lend some variety to your day. And it may even open you up to having your questions answered more expediently. Happy Friday to you!
Life Balance Part 2
How Do I Create My Life to Feel More Balanced?
In the last issue of Women of Today, I addressed the topic of defining life balance. For those who didn’t get a chance to read it, the critical points were these:
- A balanced life looks different for different people
- Balance is a direction, it’s not a destination
- A “balanced life” does not mean a “perfect” or “stress-free” life
By way of recapping and bringing you up to speed, I invite you to take a few moments and get clear on what YOUR balanced life would look like. How would your life be different than what it currently is?
Having gained some clarity on what your balanced life would look like, it’s now time to shift this picture of your life into the reality of your life. Often people balk at this point; it’s one thing to imagine a life that feels more balanced, to talk about it and dream about it. It feels like a whole other ball game, however, to actually create it. Why? Because creating a new life for yourself means leaving the life you know behind. This may seem obvious, but beyond the simplicity of the statement is also the fear that it carries; change can feel scary. Let me assure you, however, that change doesn’t have to be scary, and that you absolutely can start living the life of your by following some simple steps.
Step One: Know what’s important to you. It amazes me how so many people struggle to articulate what they really value in life. Often, people are able to share the ideals that they were taught to value. My question, however, is what do YOU value? Your answer might be the same as what you were taught; and it might not. The key to figuring this out is to detach yourself from any fear of judgment that you might have. People are often afraid to share what they value, because they’re afraid that someone will mock them, belittle them, tell them they’re wrong. The fact, however, is that values are not morals. Rather, they are what’s important to you intrinsically. What has you feel totally jazzed and alive? These are the things you value, and the values held by one person may be totally contrary to another. Some examples of values might be honesty, wealth, connecting with others, solitude, or spontaneity, to name a few. So, grab a piece of paper and start listing the values that you hold dear.
Step Two: Recognize that you always have a choice. Once you’re clear on your values, it becomes imperative that you understand that you always have choices in your life. To take this a step further, there is a distinction between FEELING like you don’t have a choice, and the actual REALITY of not having a choice. You see, the former situation might happen a lot – you may feel the conflicting pull of other people’s values that leaves you feeling like you don’t have a choice. But the latter situation – the REALITY of not having a choice, does not exist. That’s right, you always have a choice. Your choices might be hard ones; but they’re still choices. It’s important to understand this, because once you recognize that you have the opportunity to make choices in every moment of every day, you can start to make the choices that align with what you value. It’s about being empowered enough to make your choices consciously, rather than simply moving through life in default mode.
Step Three: Find a new, empowering perspective. I often reframe this step as “separating facts from reality”. What people often don’t realize is that facts can be taken and put together to create different realities. Take the case of Jennifer and Wanda: both women have $500 in the bank, and $400 in monthly expenses. Jennifer looks at these facts and says, “Hmmm…only $100 left over; I guess I’ll skip the movie this month and just stay home and clean.” Wanda, on the other hand, says “Wow! $100 left over this month; I’m going out to join my friends for a fun girl’s night out!”. Do you see how they’re creating different realities from the same basic facts? I get that this is a fairly simplistic example; yet the core truth is profound. Each of us makes choices based on a certain perspective that we hold, which we call our reality. What’s your reality? How’s it serving you? How might you reframe it to be a more powerful, well-serving alternative?
By putting these three steps into practice on a regular basis, you will soon experience the liberating feeling of living life on your terms. And this is, ultimately, what a life of balance is all about. You will know what you want in your life, be able to choose those things moment to moment, and you will look at your life in a way that allows you to see the possibilities. So a balanced life really is within your reach if you truly want it. The question to ask is: how badly do you want it? Find the answer to this question and you’ll be well on your way towards experiencing the ever-elusive state of balance.