Adversity into Opportunity

There’s a fabulous story — a parable of sorts — told by Mary Sullivan.  In it, she likens human beings to carrots, eggs and coffee beans.  She notes that all three are subjected to boiling water — the equivalent of life experiences.  Carrots will turn to mush the longer they’re submerged.  Eggs, will turn hard on the inside.   Coffee beans, however, transform the water itself so that it becomes coffee — a tasty, warm beverage.  So here’s my question:  as a leader, do you look at your circumstances and make excuses? Or do you take what you’ve got and transform it?

Here’s the thing:  if you look at your circumstances and use those to constantly explain and excuse why things aren’t working, you’re an excuse-maker and not very effective as a leader.  You probably tell yourself that you’re simply explaining the reality of the situation.  And while on the surface this may seem true, there is another truth, which is this:  you’re not seeing past the “reality” of what is, to the “opportunity” that might be.  If, however, you’re able to look at challenges and notice the opportunity within, if you’re able to take lemons and make lemonade, if you’re able to use your skills to transform the supposed adversity into a situation that actually works for all concerned, then you’re in your leadership groove and truly leading.

So, how do you transform adversity into opportunity?  How do you avoid getting stuck in a constant analysis of what isn’t working, and shift yourself to the place of making things work?  Simply put, you hold the following question ALL THE TIME:  “What’s the opportunity here?”  And, you find people in your life who can work with you in the transformation process.  So, for  example, if you feel like you’ve been dealt an unfair hand, given team players who are less skilled than others, or find yourself confronted with “negative attitudes” ask yourself, what’s the opportunity here — what can I create?  If you feel like you’ve been thrown into the deep end of the pool with no life jacket, or if you’re surrounded by people with more experience and you’re feeling insecure, ask yourself, what’s the opportunity — what can I learn?  If you’re feeling misunderstood, like those around you don’t understand your vision, ask yourself, what’s the opportunity — how might I communicate?  When you look for the opportunity, you will find it.  And then, you’ve got to seize it.

Bottom-line:  your job as a leader is to transform situations and circumstances so that what appears to be filled with adversity actually reveals itself as an opportunity.  And if doing this on your own seems daunting, know this:  you are not on your own.  Real leaders — the most effective leaders — lead with support.  Find your support system, then transform adversity into opportunity.  That’s what makes the great ones great.

Leadership & Confrontation

“I don’t do well with confrontation.”  It’s amazing to me how often I hear this phrase, or similar ones.  My clients, , my family, my friends, my colleagues — in every realm of my life, there appear to be a myriad of people who claim this as their truth.  It’s as though there’s something about “confrontation” that must be avoided.  And at first glance, I can see why.  Confrontation by its very nature is “in your face”; there’s always an energy of accusation on the one hand, and then defense on the other.  This sort of dynamic is anything but fun, admittedly.

All that being said, however, one of the things I know for sure is that confrontation can nearly always be reframed as “opportunity.”  When you consider the circumstance of someone having wronged you in some way — let’s say your friend has been taking advantage of your generosity — you could certainly confront them.  The implication when you do so is that you will vent, express your anger in a manner that’s somewhat forceful, and then expect an apology in return.  This would be the confrontational approach.  The opportunity in this circumstance, however, is to express your frustration with the express purpose of

a)  having your friend understand the impact of her behaviour, and

b)  exploring how the circumstance might change to everyone’s satisfaction.

In other words, in order to change confrontation to opportunity, you need to switch your intention from mere venting to resolving the issue at hand.

As leaders, situations of confrontation will arise more often than you might like.  Whether you’re a leader in the workplace, in your neighborhood, in your family or anywhere else, there will be times when things seem awry, when feelings get hurt, when situations need to be addressed.  If you come at these scenarios with the basic intention of venting, it will not be pleasant.  If, however, you shift your focus from confrontation to opportunity, you will always be able to have an experience that serves all concerned.  So really, confrontations can be seen as opportunity in disguise.

Sleepless in Strathroy

Really, it could be sleepless in anywhere.  For whatever reason true, rejuvenating sleep has eluded me for several weeks now (could actually be a couple of months if I think about it).  And I could try to figure out why — as in “why can’t I sleep?”.  But I’m deciding not to put my energies into that particular funnel.  Instead I’m coming at it from “what am I meant to be doing with this extra time?”  It’s a slightly different spin, that feels a little more productive to me.

Now, while I haven’t yet figured out what the universe wants me to do with this extra time (and admittedly, trying to think at all requires a bit more effort when one is sleep-deprived!)I do know that I have been afforded the opportunity to think and contemplate in relative silence.  Since the rest of the world around me is asleep (with the exception of the family hamster who remains commited to his nocturnal nature), I have the opportunity to let my mind wander without the distraction of daytime noises, whatever they might be.  And for someone who can be easily distracted by the noises around her, this opportunity is rare — and therefore a good thing.

So, what “sleepless equivalent” are you dealing with right now?  In other words, what circumstance might actually be an opportunity in disguise in your life?  And how will you utilize it?  Bottom-line:  you really can make most circumstances work for you, if you really want to.  In the case of sleeplessness, if nothing else, it’s a great reason for me to slow down for a bit.  Which I think I will.

How Is Knowing Your Limits Limiting You?

I’ll bet the title question has you just a little stumped.  Maybe perplexed.  And maybe not.  Regardless, the idea of limits is what we’re going to explore in this month’s issue of LAUNCH.  More specifically, we’re going to look at limits in the context of how you create your life.  Before we go there, let’s recap:  so far in the “new year, new story” series we’ve talked about using the phrase “the end” as a tool to stop the repetitious old story that tends to cycle through your brain when you’re going through life unconscious of your thoughts; then we talked about the importance of being strategic in your use of the word “should” – using it as minimally as possible, thereby ensuring that you rid yourself of any unnecessary burden.  And finally, we explored the issue of personal responsibility, particularly as it relates to the somewhat nebulous quality of feelings.  Having done all that, and before we go any further, I want to invite you to pause for a moment and notice what’s different in your life now?  Three months into this new story of your life, what changes are you noticing in the way you interact with the world?  What are you finding easy?  And what remains a challenge?  Just notice, take stock, and then move on.  There’s definitely more to explore.  So let’s begin.

One of the things that is important when you set about to create the life that you want for yourself, life on your terms, is for you to know your capabilities, your passions, your talents, and your limits.  Sounds like a lot when put this way, but really it’s about knowing what your strengths are so that you can “leverage your best and ditch the rest.”  Indeed, you’re most effective in the creation of anything — but particularly in the creation of life on your terms — when you know where your particular assets lie.  Here’s the kicker though:  while knowing your strengths can serve you well, being aware of your limits can actually hold you back.  Why?  Because you start to create a story that is filled with limitations.  Phrases like “I don’t do…”, “I can’t do…”, “That’s just not my thing”, “I’m not into…” actually form boxes in which you start to live.  In my experience the actual fact, however, is that while you may not like certain things, while you may prefer a specific way of being, if pushed to the wire you actually COULD do a lot of what you tell yourself is impossible.

So what?  So this:  rather than thinking about your “limits” in terms of “can’ts” and “won’ts” (“I can’t do”, “I won’t do”), you are truly better served by thinking along the lines of “I could do, and I’d rather not”, or “I don’t like to do, but I could if I tried”, and similar phrases.  My personal belief is that anyone is capable of most things when presented with the right set of circumstances.  Let me give you some examples:  I consider myself a fairly non-techy person; computer lingo often baffles me, and I’d really rather not engage in tech-related projects.  That being said, I now have a bi-weekly podcast, which requires me to use techy gadgets.  Granted, I have a fabulous producer who does most of the background work in terms of making the series available to subscribers, but one of my stories until recently was “I don’t do tech-stuff”.  Clearly, while I may not like it, I can in fact do it!  Here’s another one: I’ve always considered myself to be lacking in natural physical strength — never really been on a sports team in my youth, walking was fine as long as it was warm and sunny and I could walk slowly, and coordination was noticeably sub-par, at least compared to those “natural athletes” in my world.  So the story I created was that “I don’t do physical activity.”  Well that’s a real crock — because I do go to the gym, I do lift weights (albeit reluctanctly) and I am capable of physical exertion, to the point that I’ve started training to run a marathon next year.  Once again, my story that I’m not capable of athleticism was stopping me from exploring my range of options.  Is athletic ability a natural strength of mine?  I don’t think so.  But does it mean that I can’t access it at all?  Nope.  It’s actually there, and I CAN access it, if I really want to.

So, what do YOU really want?  And what’s it going to take for you to step outside the perceived limits you’ve set for yourself and expand your range?  Because that’s what this is really about:  giving yourself permission to play with a full range of capabilities, skills, and options.  It’s about playing outside the box and stretching your comfort zone, making “I can do anything” (or at least, “I can do most anything”) your default statement, and then choosing what you will do without limitation.

Bottom-line:  while you may have a preferred set of strengths, skills and aptitudes that you like to use, while you may have passions that light you up more than others, having these doesn’t necessarily preclude you from BEING ABLE to do other things.  You may not choose to do other things — and you’re still capable of them.  Anyone is capbable of anything under the right circumstances.  Know your limits, and don’t let them limit you.  Instead, get comfortable with your full range of potential, and live into that.