What Do You Do With Mistakes?

I’ve got a confession to make.  One of my personal challenges is in dealing with mistakes.  Anyone who knows me, knows this to be true.  I make mistakes as well as any other human being.  I even learn from them pretty well.  What I don’t do well is move on from them.  My historical tendency is to dwell on them and beat myself up for months to come, even after I’ve learned the inherent lesson.  And what I know is that this whole “dwelling on mistakes” thing, doesn’t serve.  It doesn’t serve me, because it keeps me playing small, and it doesn’t serve others because I hang back and don’t show up as all of me.  And while I’ve got a little voice inside my head that would love for me to believe that I’m unique in this tendency, what I’m realizing as I look at the world around me, is that there are plenty of you who subscribe to the same modus operandi.  So I’ve got a challenge for you (and for me):  let’s stop the insanity! (Sorry Susan Powter, I’m borrowing your line for this article!)

When I first started contemplating what I wanted to be different for 2011, letting go of the “beating myself up” habit flew to the forefront of my brain.  What hasn’t yet crystalized for me is the “how” — although I’m having plenty of opportunity to explore the methodology.  As a start, I’ve created a mantra that I’d like to share with you.  My request is that you tweak it and use it to serve your own growth and learning.  Why?  Because I believe that both you and I can show up in the world better, live our purposes better, serve our family, friends and colleagues better, when we can simply learn from our mistakes and not allow any residual junk to taint our future choices.  So here’s the mantra:

“I learn from my mistakes; I accept responsibility for my choices without beating myself up for the errors I’ve made; I move on with grace.”

It might seem a little long.  I suppose it could be more than one mantra if you’d like to split it up.  Use it however it works best for you.  As leaders, you will make mistakes.  Heck, as humans — leader or not — you’ll make mistakes.  It comes with the job.  The trick now, as I’m realizing afresh, is to model moving on with grace.  It can be done.  It can be learned.  And doing so will serve your leadership — and your followers — well.  Here’s to moving on!

Building the Risk-Taking Muscle

How comfortable are you with making mistakes?  If you’re like most people, you’re probably not a big fan.  I mean, nobody really likes to get things wrong.  And yet, if you want to be an effective leader, you’ve got to be willing to risk making mistakes.  And more importantly, perhaps, you’ve got to be willing to learn from those mistakes.  When you’re unwilling to risk making mistakes, when you’re so hung up on getting things right and making things look good, inevitably you play small.  And real leaders, great leaders, the leaders who have impact do NOT play small.

What’s the big deal with mistakes?  Perhaps the better question is what’s the big deal with perfection?  So many people — including those of you who aspire to be leaders — aim for perfection.  And while perfection might be praise-worthy to some degree, getting things right, right out of the gate, denies you the opportunity to learn, stretch, grow and play your biggest game.  Leadership is all about playing as big as you possibly can, and showing up in this really big way requires you to risk getting it all wrong –and learning from that, so that as you continue to risk whatever it is you choose to risk, your learnings guide your choices.

Bottom-line:  if you want to lead, you’ve got to get comfortable with taking risks, making mistakes, getting things wrong so you can get things right.  You’ve got to expand your world — you’ve got to play a big game.  And to play the big game, you’ve got to build your risk-taking muscle.  Time to get working out!

5 Steps to Dealing with Blind Spots

Yes, it’s true.  Even leaders have blind spots.  One of the things I’m discovering is that these blind spots are often self-induced.  Why?  Because it can be oh-so-easy to buy into the myth that, as a leader, you must somehow know it all.  Which means you can walk around with the idea that there’s nothing you can’t handle.  Which, in turn, can very quickly lead to the place of not admitting when you don’t actually know the answer to something.  In other words, you end up being actually unable to see when you’re floundering, or about to flounder.  Blind spot.

What is it about our society that puts this pressure on leaders?  What would become possible if leaders were allowed some latitude, allowed the opportunity and given permission to get things wrong, make mistakes like anyone else, admit to their shortcomings?  Would these in anyway diminish their leadership abilities?  My guess — and actually, my experience — is that it wouldn’t.  My guess is that having leaders own and acknowledge their blind spots — even allowing others to point out blind spots and support leaders in circumventing them — would actually enhance leadership ability in the long run.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  leaders who are allowed to be human — and perhaps more importantly, leaders who allow THEMSELVES to be human — are actually the leaders who lead effectively.

So, all this being said, how does one deal with blind spots?  What strategies can be used to acknowledge and then move around these areas?  Here’s my  5-step system:

1. Surround yourself with trustworthy people who will, in a non-judgmental, completely supportive way, point out when there’s something you’re not seeing (a blind spot).
2. Become familiar with your own voice of judgment so you can recognize when it starts speaking, and then turn your attention to the voice of reason which allows you to make mistakes.
3. Let go of having to be perfect — in fact, celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities.
4. Remind yourself that some of the greatest leaders in history made mistakes — and achieved victory by moving past those.
5. Once in a while, shut your brain off and act from the heart — the heart’s blind spots aren’t nearly as debilitating as those of your brain.  In other words, your heart will rarely steer you wrong.

Bottom-line:  blind spots exist.  That’s all there is to it.  Whether you’re a leader, a follower, or someone who hasn’t yet found your place in the game of life, you have blind spots.  Trust me.  And, owning them and knowing that they’re simply part of the deal is critical.  Once you’ve done that, you can take steps to navigate over, through and around them.