An Anchor? Or a Dead Weight?

Today’s blog entry feels like it’s going to be a metaphor-filled one.  Not a bad thing — I just can’t let go of the nautical visual.

When it comes to living life on your terms, my personal perspective is that having an anchoring belief can serve you really well.  After all, the business of living life really can feel like being on a storm-tossed sea at times.  And knowing that you’ve got a solid anchor keeping you safe — keeping you from drifting too far out — can be reassuring to say the least.  That being said, I’m getting curious about the difference between an anchor and a dead weight.  Both are heavy, both will keep you from drifting, both will prevent you from venturing too far.  The former, however, feels like it serves in some way; the latter, feels like it holds you back, right?  So this has me asking:  are your anchoring thoughts really anchoring?  Or are they holding you back, stopping you from moving forward?

I guess what I’m realizing is that an anchor can actually be both.  Given it’s weight, an anchor can absolutely hold you back, keep you from moving to calmer seas as it were.  In light of this, the important thing isn’t the anchor so much (at least not in this moment); the important thing is being certain that the sea you’re anchored in is actually the sea that you want to be in.  If it’s not — if you’re floating along in a sea of negativity and lack — then it may be time to cut your ties with the anchor that has you stuck.  In the context of life, such an anchor is most likely a limiting belief, a paralyzing thought.  Letting go of this thought or belief is what will allow you to move to another sea altogether — a calmer, bluer, clearer sea.  And once you’ve found a new sea, you can anchor yourself with a new thought.

So I guess this leaves me asking the following questions, both of you and of myself:  what sea are you anchored in?  How’s that working for you?  And if it’s not working the way you want, how willing are  you to release the anchor-turned-dead-weight and find a new anchor?  What I know for sure is that sometimes, you’ve got to let go of  an old anchor before you can sail a new sea.

Forget “Careful”- Be CLEAR on What You Wish For

You’ve all heard it said at least once in your life:  be careful what you wish for.  What I’ve learned over the past few weeks, however, is that wishing for something is less about caution and more about clarity.  And maybe that’s actually what was meant when the adage was first pronounced.

You see, several days ago I declared an intention — namely, to release from my life all that wasn’t serving me in terms of beliefs, baggage, etc;.  It’s been fun, for the most part, as I’ve allowed limiting beliefs and ideas come to the surface and let them go.  What I’d forgotten, however, is that all emotional and spiritual “stuff” in our lives does have a physical complement.  So as I’ve been having fun letting go of stuff emotionally, what I’ve had to put up with is a physical purging as well.  Not quite as much fun — and, it is what it is.

The perspective I’m choosing to stand in as my stomach experiences these gut-wrenching (literally) pangs is that all of this “letting go” is serving me well.  I will come out on the other side of this experience feeling better overall.  And in the meantime, all I’ve got to say is “Ouch.”  And note to self:  sometimes what’s good for me doesn’t feel so great.  You gotta love life’s paradoxes.

Release It or Embrace It?

Had the realization last week that there’s a limiting belief I’m holding on to.  I know, we’ve all got these limiting beliefs that hold us back.  What was frustrating for me last week, however, was the fact that I thought I’d dealt with this particular belief a long, long time ago.  I actually thought I had released it and moved on.  It would appear that what happened instead, is that I dealt with an aspect of it, and the belief itself stuck around to rear its head another time (last week, as it turns out).

Anyway, after my initial frustration, I got to thinking.  Did some exploring with trusted friends and colleagues, and connected with my own intuition as well through meditation and such.  As a result, I arrived at a new question to hold:  what if my attempts to release the limiting belief are actually working against me?  What if it’s not so much about releasing it, as it is about recognizing it and moving forard anyway?

In Rick Carson’s book Taming Your Gremlin (his term for that inner voice that keeps you stuck), Carson talks about first noticing the gremlin and then playing with options.  There’s no releasing that’s necessary.  In fact, it’s almost as though a sort of “embracing” is actually what needs to happen in order to move on with whatever it is that’s calling you.

Now, let me be clear.  This isn’t about giving  your limiting belief unnecessary power in your life.  Instead, I believe that it’s about recognizing the belief absolutely, and then moving past it.  Sort of like when you go for a walk or a run in the neighborhood; if there’s a vehicle blocking the sidewalk, you don’t waste energy or time trying to move the vehicle.  Instead you notice it and move past it in whatever way keeps you moving towards your ultimate objective.  The same principle applies to limiting beliefs.

So, I’m going to stop trying to release this particular belief.  I’ve named it and I know it’ll keep popping up.  When it does, I’ll acknowledge it again — just like that car blocking the sidewalk — and keep moving forward.  I really do think that’s the actual way to keep moving along.

Ditch the Box

That’s right; today I’m all about ditching the box.  Actually, most days I’m about ditchign the box.  Today, I’m going to write about it.

We’ve all heard about “thinking outside the box”, which essentially equates to getting creative.  In my book, The Control Freak’s Guide to Living Lightly, my co-author and I talk about getting out of the box and taking others out of the box — in other words, being cautious about the limits that you put on yourself and others.  Recently, I heard a colleague ask, “but what if the answer you’re looking for is IN the box?”  And here’s my answer:  it’s time to break the box apart, and then ditch it.

When you break the box apart – pull the sides away – anything that’s inside will be visible.  You can take what you need, discard what you don’t, and then lose the confines of the box altogether.  Why is this important?  Because, boxes of any sort limit our human experience.  The minute you start to put limits on what you wil and will not, do and don’t, you build the walls of a box and limit yourself from seeing what else might be possible.  And you start to live ina world of “either/or” as opposed to a world of “both/and”.  I’m not going to say more about “both/and” here, because I’m going to write about that in next month’s newsletter article.  (As an aside, you can subscribe to that on the homepage of my website, www.stellarcc.com).

Bottom-line:  when you start to feel limited, when you start to feel stifled, when you start to feel breathless, it’s time to recognize that the box you’re in is holding you back.  If you can’t ditch the box altogether, at least make it larger — give yourself room to grow into your full potential.  Boxes just aren’t environments in which anything — ideas, animals, people — survive or thrive.  Period.

How Is Knowing Your Limits Limiting You?

I’ll bet the title question has you just a little stumped.  Maybe perplexed.  And maybe not.  Regardless, the idea of limits is what we’re going to explore in this month’s issue of LAUNCH.  More specifically, we’re going to look at limits in the context of how you create your life.  Before we go there, let’s recap:  so far in the “new year, new story” series we’ve talked about using the phrase “the end” as a tool to stop the repetitious old story that tends to cycle through your brain when you’re going through life unconscious of your thoughts; then we talked about the importance of being strategic in your use of the word “should” – using it as minimally as possible, thereby ensuring that you rid yourself of any unnecessary burden.  And finally, we explored the issue of personal responsibility, particularly as it relates to the somewhat nebulous quality of feelings.  Having done all that, and before we go any further, I want to invite you to pause for a moment and notice what’s different in your life now?  Three months into this new story of your life, what changes are you noticing in the way you interact with the world?  What are you finding easy?  And what remains a challenge?  Just notice, take stock, and then move on.  There’s definitely more to explore.  So let’s begin.

One of the things that is important when you set about to create the life that you want for yourself, life on your terms, is for you to know your capabilities, your passions, your talents, and your limits.  Sounds like a lot when put this way, but really it’s about knowing what your strengths are so that you can “leverage your best and ditch the rest.”  Indeed, you’re most effective in the creation of anything — but particularly in the creation of life on your terms — when you know where your particular assets lie.  Here’s the kicker though:  while knowing your strengths can serve you well, being aware of your limits can actually hold you back.  Why?  Because you start to create a story that is filled with limitations.  Phrases like “I don’t do…”, “I can’t do…”, “That’s just not my thing”, “I’m not into…” actually form boxes in which you start to live.  In my experience the actual fact, however, is that while you may not like certain things, while you may prefer a specific way of being, if pushed to the wire you actually COULD do a lot of what you tell yourself is impossible.

So what?  So this:  rather than thinking about your “limits” in terms of “can’ts” and “won’ts” (“I can’t do”, “I won’t do”), you are truly better served by thinking along the lines of “I could do, and I’d rather not”, or “I don’t like to do, but I could if I tried”, and similar phrases.  My personal belief is that anyone is capable of most things when presented with the right set of circumstances.  Let me give you some examples:  I consider myself a fairly non-techy person; computer lingo often baffles me, and I’d really rather not engage in tech-related projects.  That being said, I now have a bi-weekly podcast, which requires me to use techy gadgets.  Granted, I have a fabulous producer who does most of the background work in terms of making the series available to subscribers, but one of my stories until recently was “I don’t do tech-stuff”.  Clearly, while I may not like it, I can in fact do it!  Here’s another one: I’ve always considered myself to be lacking in natural physical strength — never really been on a sports team in my youth, walking was fine as long as it was warm and sunny and I could walk slowly, and coordination was noticeably sub-par, at least compared to those “natural athletes” in my world.  So the story I created was that “I don’t do physical activity.”  Well that’s a real crock — because I do go to the gym, I do lift weights (albeit reluctanctly) and I am capable of physical exertion, to the point that I’ve started training to run a marathon next year.  Once again, my story that I’m not capable of athleticism was stopping me from exploring my range of options.  Is athletic ability a natural strength of mine?  I don’t think so.  But does it mean that I can’t access it at all?  Nope.  It’s actually there, and I CAN access it, if I really want to.

So, what do YOU really want?  And what’s it going to take for you to step outside the perceived limits you’ve set for yourself and expand your range?  Because that’s what this is really about:  giving yourself permission to play with a full range of capabilities, skills, and options.  It’s about playing outside the box and stretching your comfort zone, making “I can do anything” (or at least, “I can do most anything”) your default statement, and then choosing what you will do without limitation.

Bottom-line:  while you may have a preferred set of strengths, skills and aptitudes that you like to use, while you may have passions that light you up more than others, having these doesn’t necessarily preclude you from BEING ABLE to do other things.  You may not choose to do other things — and you’re still capable of them.  Anyone is capbable of anything under the right circumstances.  Know your limits, and don’t let them limit you.  Instead, get comfortable with your full range of potential, and live into that.