Don’t Just Stand There…

…bust a move…actually, bust a pattern.  It seems as though this is my theme for the week.  Pattern-busting.  And it’s an interesting paradox of challenge and ease all at the same time.  Which, as a person who subscribes to the basic premise that life is meant to be lived with ease, poses some interesting opportunites right off the hop

I know as well as anyone else that you cannot do what you’ve always done and expect to get different results.  It’s just  not a reasonable expectation.  If you want something to be different, you’ve got to take a different approach.  I also know that the if you want to break a pattern you’ve simply got to make up your mind to do so.  I believe this with all my heart: decide to do things differently, and you will do things differently.

What I’m realizing is the importance of the “with all my heart” piece; if you (or I) really want to break a pattern and replace it with a new one, we have to decide that’s what we want, and moreover we have to commit to it fiercely so that when the default patterns get set to do what they’ve always done, our commitment will over-ride the patterning.  In other words, a wishy-washy decision won’t cut it.  It has to be one that is rooted in fierce commitment.

So, what patterns are you looking to change?  Doesn’t matter if they’re big or little, hugely life-altering or moderately life-enhancing.  Whatever the pattern is, how committed are you to changing it?  If your answer is anything less than 100%, you’ve got some explainin’ to do, my friend.  Actually, forget the explainin’ and start explorin’.  What’s stopping  you from being 100% committed?  What fears to do you need to address?  What issues do you need to resolve?  What’s it going to take for you to fully commit to busting whatever pattern you’ve identified as a block to the life you want?

Here’s the other thing I’m playing with.  What if I actually don’t have to figure all that stuff out in order to be 100% committed?  What if I can trick my brain into believing that I’m 100% committed?  I think there’s a way.  It’s called:  using affirmations.  In other words, if I create an affirmation that I recite repeatedly, to the effect that “I am 100% committed to changing x”, my subconscious will believe it.  And then I’ll be able to bust my pattern without wasting time.

Bottom-line:  I am 100% committed to busting patterns that don’t serve me, in a most expedient way.  Starting now.  Will you join me?

What Side of the Fence Are You On?

You know, there’s a lot that depends on your answer to the title question.  To begin with, your perspective can be drastically different from one side to the other.  And as a result, the choices that seem “right” can change as well.  What seems like the right choice on one side, can seem totally wrong on the other.

Why am I bringing this up?  Because I think it can be way too easy to stand in judgement and assume that my perspective in any given moment is the absolute right one.  And while it might be right for me, given my circumstances and posture at the time, it doesn’t mean that it’s aboslutely right for anyone, anywhere at any given time.

Embracing the idea that perspective counts for a lot when it comes to decision-making, can really liberate  your thinking.  It opens up possibilities, not the least of which is the possibility that you and I can view things differently and it’s okay.  We can choose different things and it’s okay.  Heck, we can even choose to disagree, and IT”S OKAY!

Bottom-line:  know which side of the fence you’re on, understand that your perspectives and ideas come from this side, and allow others to enjoy their side.  And be open to the idea that you can change sides whenever you want.  You’d be amazed at what becomes possible.

Life Balance Part 2

How Do I Create My Life to Feel More Balanced?

In the last issue of Women of Today, I addressed the topic of defining life balance.  For those who didn’t get a chance to read it, the critical points were these:

• A balanced life looks different for different people
• Balance is a direction, it’s not a destination
• A “balanced life” does not mean a “perfect” or “stress-free” life

By way of recapping and bringing you up to speed, I invite you to take a few moments and get clear on what YOUR balanced life would look like.  How would your life be different than what it currently is?

Having gained some clarity on what your balanced life would look like, it’s now time to shift this picture of your life into the reality of your life. Often people balk at this point; it’s one thing to imagine a life that feels more balanced, to talk about it and dream about it.  It feels like a whole other ball game, however, to actually create it.  Why?  Because creating a new life for yourself means leaving the life you know behind.  This may seem obvious, but beyond the simplicity of the statement is also the fear that it carries; change can feel scary. Let me assure you, however, that change doesn’t have to be scary, and that you absolutely can start living the life of your by following some simple steps.

Step One: Know what’s important to you.  It amazes me how so many people struggle to articulate what they really value in life.  Often, people are able to share the ideals that they were taught to value.  My question, however, is what do YOU value?  Your answer might be the same as what you were taught; and it might not.  The key to figuring this out is to detach yourself from any fear of judgment that you might have.  People are often afraid to share what they value, because they’re afraid that someone will mock them, belittle them, tell them they’re wrong.  The fact, however, is that values are not morals.  Rather, they are what’s important to you intrinsically.  What has you feel totally jazzed and alive?  These are the things you value, and the values held by one person may be totally contrary to another.  Some examples of values might be honesty, wealth, connecting with others, solitude, or spontaneity, to name a few.  So, grab a piece of paper and start listing the values that you hold dear.

Step Two: Recognize that you always have a choice.  Once you’re clear on your values, it becomes imperative that you understand that you always have choices in your life.  To take this a step further, there is a distinction between FEELING like you don’t have a choice, and the actual REALITY of not having a choice.  You see, the former situation might happen a lot – you may feel the conflicting pull of other people’s values that leaves you feeling like you don’t have a choice.  But the latter situation – the REALITY of not having a choice, does not exist.  That’s right, you always have a choice.  Your choices might be hard ones; but they’re still choices.  It’s important to understand this, because once you recognize that you have the opportunity to make choices in every moment of every day, you can start to make the choices that align with what you value.  It’s about being empowered enough to make your choices consciously, rather than simply moving through life in default mode.

Step Three: Find a new, empowering perspective.  I often reframe this step as “separating facts from reality”.  What people often don’t realize is that facts can be taken and put together to create different realities.  Take the case of Jennifer and Wanda:  both women have $500 in the bank, and $400 in monthly expenses.  Jennifer looks at these facts and says, “Hmmm…only $100 left over; I guess I’ll skip the movie this month and just stay home and clean.”  Wanda, on the other hand, says “Wow!  $100 left over this month; I’m going out to join my friends for a fun girl’s night out!”.  Do you see how they’re creating different realities from the same basic facts?  I get that this is a fairly simplistic example; yet the core truth is profound.  Each of us makes choices based on a certain perspective that we hold, which we call our reality.   What’s your reality?  How’s it serving you?  How might you reframe it to be a more powerful, well-serving alternative?

By putting these three steps into practice on a regular basis, you will soon experience the liberating feeling of living life on your terms.  And this is, ultimately, what a life of balance is all about.  You will know what you want in your life, be able to choose those things moment to moment, and you will look at your life in a way that allows you to see the possibilities.  So a balanced life really is within your reach if you truly want it.  The question to ask is:  how badly do you want it?  Find the answer to this question and you’ll be well on your way towards experiencing the ever-elusive state of balance.