Why Are You Holding On?

I’m back to work after a week’s worth of vacation.  I didn’t go anywhere particularly special.  I guess the new-fangled term for my particular type of vacation is actually “stay-cation” — I enjoyed a week around the house with my husband, just puttering around, tending to necessary household tasks that have been on the back-burner, watching movies, day-tripping — all simple pleasures.  It was wonderful.

One of the challenges I set for myself was to disconnect from the virtual world for the entire week.  No email, no facebook, no blogging, nothing.  I’ve done this before — but never when I’ve actually been home.  It’s one thing to leave your virtual behind when you’re away from home; it’s another thing altogether to be in the space where you usually get connected, and choose to not connect.  At first, it felt a little strange, I’ve got to admit it.  But after about 36 hours, I barely thought about it.  And it was wonderful to not feel attached to “checking in” every hour or so.  Very liberating.  And it created loads of space for ideas to flow naturally.  Which was a great thing.

The drawback, of course, was that I came back to hundreds (literally) of emails this morning! This, of course, meant that I had to devote some time to clearing, purging, prioritizing of emails.  And it provided me with the opportunity to notice just how many emails I get that I never actually read.  Newsletters, announcements, promotions, updates — you get the point.  Which had me ask the question, why am I on this list?  Why do I receive these particular emails?  Why am I holding on to this, when I never actually read these correspondences?

What I realized, and what I know for sure, is that it behooves everyone (leaders in particular) to check in periodically and purge.  Just because you’ve always received a particular correspondence, just because you’ve always been on someone’s mailing list, doesn’t mean that you have to continue to be.  If it doesn’t serve in some way — nurturing a relationship, providing valuable information, fostering a connection — it may well be time to be rid of it.  It may be time to let go.

Bottom-line:  sometimes, it serves really well to take a step back, disconnect, come back and notice what you actually want in your life.  The things that are of value — keep those.  The things that are just taking up space — ditch those.  Sometimes, you’ve got to stop holding on and let go.

An Anchor? Or a Dead Weight?

Today’s blog entry feels like it’s going to be a metaphor-filled one.  Not a bad thing — I just can’t let go of the nautical visual.

When it comes to living life on your terms, my personal perspective is that having an anchoring belief can serve you really well.  After all, the business of living life really can feel like being on a storm-tossed sea at times.  And knowing that you’ve got a solid anchor keeping you safe — keeping you from drifting too far out — can be reassuring to say the least.  That being said, I’m getting curious about the difference between an anchor and a dead weight.  Both are heavy, both will keep you from drifting, both will prevent you from venturing too far.  The former, however, feels like it serves in some way; the latter, feels like it holds you back, right?  So this has me asking:  are your anchoring thoughts really anchoring?  Or are they holding you back, stopping you from moving forward?

I guess what I’m realizing is that an anchor can actually be both.  Given it’s weight, an anchor can absolutely hold you back, keep you from moving to calmer seas as it were.  In light of this, the important thing isn’t the anchor so much (at least not in this moment); the important thing is being certain that the sea you’re anchored in is actually the sea that you want to be in.  If it’s not — if you’re floating along in a sea of negativity and lack — then it may be time to cut your ties with the anchor that has you stuck.  In the context of life, such an anchor is most likely a limiting belief, a paralyzing thought.  Letting go of this thought or belief is what will allow you to move to another sea altogether — a calmer, bluer, clearer sea.  And once you’ve found a new sea, you can anchor yourself with a new thought.

So I guess this leaves me asking the following questions, both of you and of myself:  what sea are you anchored in?  How’s that working for you?  And if it’s not working the way you want, how willing are  you to release the anchor-turned-dead-weight and find a new anchor?  What I know for sure is that sometimes, you’ve got to let go of  an old anchor before you can sail a new sea.

Big Gulp, Big Risk…Big Leap Forward

So, I did it.  For a number of weeks now I’ve been working on completing a survey of women leaders.  Actually, I’ve been working on it since early October, but then had to abort the mission for a little while when I got sick.  Once things got back on track, however, I kept moving along at a fairly steady pace, garnering participation from a wide array of women leaders, and noticing some interesting trends and issues for this demographic.

As I’ve entered into February, my goal is  to complete the survey in its entirety by month’s end.  Furthermore, I want to round out the survey by getting some higher-profile leaders to share their insights.  Why?  Because I want to be sure that my results do in fact pertain to the general pool of women leaders, rather than to a subset of women leaders (e.g., mompreneurs only, or committee chairs only).

So, this afternoon, I did it.  I took the big gulp, took what felt like a big risk (at least to me) and made one call that I’ve been putting off.  You see, I think speaking with Arlene Dickinson (one of the Dragon’s on the Canadian televisionn show, Dragon’s Den and CEO of Venture Communications) would give my survey some real “oomph.”  To me, she’s a pretty high profile leader, and to be able to pick her brain would be a privilege to say the least.  The risk for me lay not so much in picking up the phone, but in actually putting myself and my work in front of her, on the line so to speak.  I realize that if she doesn’t agree to participate, I could go to a lot of places with that.  In fact, my inner saboteurs could easily take me down the path of self-ridicule to the umpteenth degree.  That basic story is what stopped me for so long.

Having just made the call, however, I realized something afresh:  taking the big risk actually paves the way for me to move through an obstacle (or two or ten).  You see, now I can let go of the possible self-ridicule and choose something else.  Something more empowering and something that serves the bigger picture.  For example, I can choose to stand in the knowledge that nobody is off-limits to me — I can actually reach out and make requests of all sorts of people, regardless of what their answer might be.  I can choose to affirm over and over again that I am just one phone call away from talking to a “big wig” — which means that, really, I can consider myself a bigwig too (if I want).

Bottom-line:  sometimes, you’ve just got to take a big gulp, take the big risk and know that the result will be a big leap forward.  Trust me — the feeling’s exhilarating.

When “Right” is Disguised as “Wrong”

I’m sitting here this morning contemplating “what’s right” and more specifically, how one knows when something is right. For example, how do you know when a course of action is right?  How do you know when it will serve? These questions are arising for me as a result of having reached a crossroads of sorts, and being uncertain as to which path to follow.  I’m sure you can relate to the resulting sense of angst (but maybe I’m just assuming you can relate — maybe you’ve never in fact been in this situation!)

For many years I’ve held the belief that you know when something’s right because it feels right.  What I’m starting to realize now, however, is that sometimes you’ve got to move through a “feeling wrong” experience before things feel right.  The temptation in this scenario, of course, is to assume that the initial “wrongness” deems the whole course of action wrong.  My sense is that this sort of thinking actually sets you up for unnecessary slogging.

Here’s an example.  At this particular point in my life, in my career, I have numerous goals and objectives.  Most of these still ring true as things which I want to accomplish; those that don’t, well I’m in the process of letting those go.  The challenge I’m encountering is that my best-laid plans are going somewhat askew, due to a number of reasons.  In order to get back on track, I’m sensing that I’m going to have to ask for some help — specifically, asking people for resources which I sort of figured I would be able to access on my own.  For me, the notion of asking others for resources of any sort generally feels “wrong.”  And I could easily let this feeling of “wrongness” stop me from asking.  When I take a step back, however, and look at the big picture, what I realize is that by not asking for resources, I’m likely to waste time and energy that could otherwise be put into the achievement of my goal.  In other words, while there’s an initial sense of “wrong”, in the long run, this choice could actually be “right.”

The ultimate challenge, of course, is that in this game of life you can’t actually know if something’s right or wrong until you do it.  Sometimes, the things that feel right turn out to be mistakes, and the things that feel wrong actually serve in a way you could never have imagined.  The trick, I’m beginning to understand, is to lose the judgment of right and wrong altogether, particularly with respect to the outcome, and simply choose a course of action — and then choose again as necessary.  It’s imperative to stop being hard on yourself, judging yourself for “wrong” choices, and keep your eye on the ball at all times, whatever that ball is for you.

Bottom-line is this, best summarized by Don Miguel Ruiz’s 4th agreement in his book The Four Agreements:  always do your best.  Some choices will serve, others will not, and if you’re doing your best at all times, then you simply cannot hold yourself in contempt.  It really is all good.

Forget “Careful”- Be CLEAR on What You Wish For

You’ve all heard it said at least once in your life:  be careful what you wish for.  What I’ve learned over the past few weeks, however, is that wishing for something is less about caution and more about clarity.  And maybe that’s actually what was meant when the adage was first pronounced.

You see, several days ago I declared an intention — namely, to release from my life all that wasn’t serving me in terms of beliefs, baggage, etc;.  It’s been fun, for the most part, as I’ve allowed limiting beliefs and ideas come to the surface and let them go.  What I’d forgotten, however, is that all emotional and spiritual “stuff” in our lives does have a physical complement.  So as I’ve been having fun letting go of stuff emotionally, what I’ve had to put up with is a physical purging as well.  Not quite as much fun — and, it is what it is.

The perspective I’m choosing to stand in as my stomach experiences these gut-wrenching (literally) pangs is that all of this “letting go” is serving me well.  I will come out on the other side of this experience feeling better overall.  And in the meantime, all I’ve got to say is “Ouch.”  And note to self:  sometimes what’s good for me doesn’t feel so great.  You gotta love life’s paradoxes.

Time To Let It Go

Yup, 2nd blog post for today.  Some days are like that, I’ve got things to say and my blog provides the perfect outlet.  So here’s my latest “a-ha” moment to share with you.  Ready for it?  Here it is: before you can let something in, you’ve got to let something out!

This may  or may not seem like a profound thought to you.  And admittedly, it’s not a brand new one for me.  It’s interesting, however, how I am reminded of these things at various times.  And it would appear that it was time for me to be reminded that holding on to stuff, no matter what it is, doesn’t allow for other stuff to be let in.

I think what I’m most struck by in this moment is how this applies to emotional “stuff”.  I know, for example, that what I want in my life experience is as much joy as possible.  I get that I can’t be totally rid of sadness, anger, grief, etc; — life wouldn’t be complete without those things and indeed they are needed in order to provide contrast — that “full range of experience” thing that I’ve talked about before.  What I noticed today, however, is that in my effort to have more joy than not, what I sometimes do is try to squash (read as “deny”) the presence of sadness, fear, grief, anger rather than release it.  I sometimes forget that giving expression to an emotion is a way of releasing it, thereby creating room for what I really want.

So, what do YOU want in your life?  Whether you’re talking about something tangible or not, the truth is that you need to create space for what you want by letting go of what you don’t want.  So here’s my challenge to you – start letting things go and letting things out.  Create the space so you’ve got room for what you want.  I think it’s probably a more effective way to operate than trying to hold on to absolutely everything.  Letting go and being in the flow are essentially two parts of the same thing.  That’s my two-cents worth for now.