Leaders are People Too
I’m here at the official end of my work week, looking back with gratitude and curiousity at what has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride, to say the least. Ups, downs, twists, turns — these are the directions that my journey has taken this week, ending with a bit of goodness to sort of “round it all off” if you will.
While hurtling along on this thrill ride, I’ve found myself dealing with the whole spectrum of emotions: everything from sadness and anger, to joy and gratitude. There’s even been a bit of wonder in there. And what I noticed is that a lot of people, myself included, had difficulty at times being with that whole emotional range. When I stood in the place of possibility, curiousity and optimism, most people were fine and comfortable hanging around. But whenever I succumbed to the realm of sadness, anger or grief, all the “fixer-genes” seemed to come out — nobody wanted me to be in that space, and if I was going to be there, then they were going to leave. It was as though I wasn’t allowed to experience that particular quality of emotion.
Well, here’s what I want to say — to myself ,to my chorus of saboteurs, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and heck, even to those of you who’ve never met me: leaders are people too. By which I mean that everyone, no matter who they are or what they’re trying to achieve in the world has ups and downs, joys and sorrows, fears and quandries. And furthermore, everyone is allowed to have these, to experience these, to be with these,and to move forward when they’re ready.
This isn’t about perfection or imperfection. This is about getting, really understanding, that a complete life is marked by a complete range of experiences. EVERYONE will experience joy, fear, sadness, anger, frustration, curiousity and whatever else you can think of. Leaders, followers, optimists, pessimists, realists — everyone. And when they do, there’s something to be said for simply allowing the experience to be, for bearing witness and standing alongside the person, rather than running to fix or trying to move them along.
Speaking (well, writing) as someone who’s just felt my world rocked by fear — as someone who doesn’t often get this scared — trust me on this. Leaders are people too. And sometimes, that’s all you need to know.
The Point of Power is Right Now
You know, this is something I’ve been aware of for a while now…and yet, it still catches me off guard from time-to-time. It’s as though I’ve spent so many years either analyzing the past or trying to manipulate the future, that the business of staying right here in the present moment can be more than a little challenging. Let’s face it; for me it can be down-right paralyzing!
I believe I first read this phrase, “the point of power is right now”, in one of Louise Hay’s books. But I’ve since been confronted by variations on this theme wherever I turn. A number of recent “daily affirmations” have pointed to this universal truth; several authors which I’m currently reading have expounded upon this. And I guess what I’m coming to realize is that there really is no way around it — no matter what I want, no matter what I long for, no matter what I’m trying to change in my life, I’ve got to do it from present-moment energy. Looking backward keeps me stuck, and fast-forward motion has me spin my wheels.
One of the questions that arises for me out of all of this, however, is how to blend the past and future so that I can truly leverage the power of the present. I mean, I know that I can learn from past experience. And I know that to some degree I have to know what I’m heading towards in the future. So how do I do these two things, without losing my toehold on the present moment? These are the questions I’m dancing with now. And even as I write them, I have an energetic sense that the answer lies in the here and now. Go figure.
I guess the bottom-line is this: peace, contentment, happiness, joy — all of this stuff is to be found in this moment. So, ultimately, if those are the things I’m wanting, then right here right now is where I’ve got to hang out. I’m gonna give it a try.
Allowing the Emotions to Flow
The human condition is characterized by a spectrum of emotions. Everything from anger and sadness to joy and exhilaration can be experienced by one and all, regardless of age, gender or ethnicity. When it comes right down to it, your ability to feel all of these emotions is what distinguishes you from other living creatures.
This ability, however, is often seen as a bit of a curse. While humans can, in fact, experience any and all of these emotions, the tendency is to only allow a few of these to be okay. Generally speaking, people are more inclined to allow feelings such as joy, excitement, happiness and love, while trying to avoid or stifle emotions such as sadness, fear and anger. Why is that?
Well, one reason is obvious…the feelings that arise with sadness, fear and anger are less pleasurable than feelings of happiness, joy and love. Given the choice most people would naturally lean towards the joyful end of the emotions-continuum than the sadness end. The challenge, however, when you only allow one end of the spectrum is that you actually start to deaden yourself to life as a whole. There’s a way in which, denying the feeling of any one emotion lessens your ability to truly feel other emotions.
To paraphrase Deepak Chopra, life is an experience in contrasts. If you truly want to feel happiness — and appreciate it — then you’ve got to be willing to feel sadness — and appreciate it. Now admittedly, trying to appreciate sadness or anger or fear can be challenging. Sometimes, when feelings such as these get overwhelming, it can be difficult to determine what to do with the emotion. You need to take care not to let it cloud your judgment and move you to make harmful choices. That being said, when you can allow yourself to simply be with the sadness, to feel the anger or fear, more often than not, it will dissipate and naturally give way to more pleasant feelings. In other words, allowing the emotions to flow — whatever those emotions are — can actually move you to genuine happiness, joy and excitement quicker than trying to stifle them ever will.
The bottom-line is this: despite our social conditioning to deny certain emotions in favour of other ones, it actually serves our experience best when we can embrace it all. There actually is room for it all. And all emotions serve, when you allow them to flow and be without judgment.
Opening Yourself to Joy
Joy. Today, I’m feeling called to write about joy, and more than that, to experience it, to savour it. Of course, even as I feel called to joy, I find myself getting curious about what it means. I mean, I know what it feels like, I know what I feel as the quality of joy. But what is it outside of myself?
Free Online Dictionary defines “joy” as “intense or especially ecstatic or exultant happiness” — yeah, that works for me. And when I think about how others describe their joyful moments, I feel like this definition works for them too. There is something that goes beyond mere happiness that is found in the quality of joy. Joy is happiness enriched, heightened, and magnified. In other words, it’s like the best of happiness, concentrated. Yummy.
One of the things that I find myself currently curious about, is the “how” of things, in this case, “how” to experience joy. I mean let’s face it, some moments are joyful, others are not, some are in between. And while I do hold as truth the idea that all moments are inherently good, even when they feel icky, I’ve gotta confess, I do prefer joy — I am human after all. So if I can find out how to experience more of the joy, I’d like to do that.
A couple of years ago, when I was engaged in a leadership course, one of my journal entries explored the nature of joy. And I remember writing something which still feels like a paradoxically simple yet profound realization: the key to experiencing joy can be found in the acronym of the word “joy” itself. “J.O.Y.” can be used as an acronym for Just Open Yourself — and my experience, when I bother to examine it and contemplate it, reflects this instruction.
When I just open myself to life experiences, when I stand in a state of openness to the world around me, I inevitably invite and experience more joy in my life. In truth, I experience more of everything when I open myself to the world — and joy becomes part of that. I guess what I’m realizing is that, in order to experience more joy, I must open myself to all of life, knowing that experiencing joy requires me to experience more of life as a whole. The condition of being joyful, implies and indeed requires an openness of heart — and openness to all that life has to offer, so that joy can be experienced fully.
My bottom-line today is this: you can’t open yourself to only one aspect of life. When you move through life in only a semi-open state, you only experience a semi-life. In order to experience life unequivocally, you must open yourself unequivocally and see that all of experiences, even the icky ones, lead to joy in some measure. Just Open Yourself. Joy is yours when you do.
Have You Laughed Today?
Seems like a relevant question I think. Certainly it’s as good as any other question I might choose to begin a blog post with. And for me, what makes this the question of the day is the re-realization that laughter really is a good thing.
They say that laughter is the best medicine. And I gotta say, it’s definitely more tasty and palatable than some of the meds I’ve taken in my lifetime. And I know for a fact that the most excrutiating tension headaches can be relieved by a good, deep belly laugh. You know the kind of laugh I’m talking about; the laugh that comes about when you’re watching great stand-up comedy — nothing crude or offensive, just pure humour.
When was the last time you laughed like that? Have you laughed like that today? Heck, have you laughed at all today? And I’m sorry folks, but a gentle giggle simply isn’t good enough. I’m talking about a good, whole-hearted laugh.
Now, admittedly, when you’re in the throes of brain-draining work, it can be hard to see the need for laughter, let alone find something at which to laugh. The thing is, though, I think it’s important to bring on the laughter before the “need” for laugher arises. That moment when you’re caught in the vortex of brain-draining work is exactly when you need to release some tension, before it gets caught in your shoulders or stomach or manifests as that aforementioned tension headache.
Not sure how to laugh? Granted, forcing a laugh can be tricky. So let me share something I discovered this morning. You know the song “There’s a Hole in the Bucket”? It’s the song where Henry wants to get some water, notices a hole in the bucket, asks Liza what to do, and thereafter ensues a whole back-and-forth banter of how to deal with the hole in the bucket, which goes in a circular fashion until they’re back at the point where there’s a friggin’ hole in the bucket. sesame Street did a great skit of this when I was a kid. Anyhow, what I discovered is that, if you sing this song with a certain amount of inflection you really can’t help but laugh. It’s just not possible to be stoic in the face of the pretzel that gets created in this simple song 
Need more strategies? Buy a joke book and keep it on your desk, subscribe to a joke-a-day website (there’s got to be a few online), keep a copy of your favourite sitcom on DVD nearby, or better yet, as Cheryl Caldwell says “ask a 5 year old to skip; it’s hilarious.”
I guess what I know for sure is that kids can find a way to laugh at almost anything. And laughter is contagious. And laughter is the best medicine. So it behooves us to reconnect with our childlike wisdom and joy and laugh a little. When it comes right down to it, a day without laughter is bound to be less than fulfilling. Dem’s my two-cents worth.