Red Light, Green Light
“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
In the last little bit I’ve written a couple of blog posts that have dealt with “action” — the necessity of taking action, however small, in order to reach an objective. As I awoke this morning, however, I heard a question along the lines of “but is it non-stop action?” As I pondered this for a bit, I realized that there is a way that “action” needs to be buffeted by “stops”, periods of rest, in order to keep moving with any degree of energy and clarity. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Life being what it is, there are some natural “stops” built into our circadian rhythm. Sleeping is the most obvious “stop.” Less obvious are moments like sitting down to eat a meal; technically, you’re still doing something and yet, it is an opportunity to put your current “task” aside, and fuel yourself for the next action step. But what about other stopping moments? Do they exist? My sense is that they do — and they arise out of our conscious creation of them. Actually, if I’m really honest, my realization is that such moments are less about “stops” and more about “pauses” — amber lights, instead of red lights, if we use a traffic analogy.
In Hawthorne’s quote above, he suggests that the pursuit of happiness actually requires us to stop, to pause, if we are ever going to grasp it. My sense is that this similar pause is required no matter what our objective, because whatever it is we’re pursuing, the experience of happiness is a piece of it. Whether it’s a personal goal or professional, the achievement of it will bring an element of joy, pride and indeed happiness, and the only way to be prepared for it, aware of it, and savour it is to stop — not just once it’s attained, but also along the way.
Bottom-line: the “red lights” in life might not be quite as obvious as the green; but the amber lights are there — and paying attention to the invitation to slow down, pause, and even stop — if only for a breath — is vital to our success, whatever that might look like. What stops will you build into your day?
Allowing the Emotions to Flow
The human condition is characterized by a spectrum of emotions. Everything from anger and sadness to joy and exhilaration can be experienced by one and all, regardless of age, gender or ethnicity. When it comes right down to it, your ability to feel all of these emotions is what distinguishes you from other living creatures.
This ability, however, is often seen as a bit of a curse. While humans can, in fact, experience any and all of these emotions, the tendency is to only allow a few of these to be okay. Generally speaking, people are more inclined to allow feelings such as joy, excitement, happiness and love, while trying to avoid or stifle emotions such as sadness, fear and anger. Why is that?
Well, one reason is obvious…the feelings that arise with sadness, fear and anger are less pleasurable than feelings of happiness, joy and love. Given the choice most people would naturally lean towards the joyful end of the emotions-continuum than the sadness end. The challenge, however, when you only allow one end of the spectrum is that you actually start to deaden yourself to life as a whole. There’s a way in which, denying the feeling of any one emotion lessens your ability to truly feel other emotions.
To paraphrase Deepak Chopra, life is an experience in contrasts. If you truly want to feel happiness — and appreciate it — then you’ve got to be willing to feel sadness — and appreciate it. Now admittedly, trying to appreciate sadness or anger or fear can be challenging. Sometimes, when feelings such as these get overwhelming, it can be difficult to determine what to do with the emotion. You need to take care not to let it cloud your judgment and move you to make harmful choices. That being said, when you can allow yourself to simply be with the sadness, to feel the anger or fear, more often than not, it will dissipate and naturally give way to more pleasant feelings. In other words, allowing the emotions to flow — whatever those emotions are — can actually move you to genuine happiness, joy and excitement quicker than trying to stifle them ever will.
The bottom-line is this: despite our social conditioning to deny certain emotions in favour of other ones, it actually serves our experience best when we can embrace it all. There actually is room for it all. And all emotions serve, when you allow them to flow and be without judgment.