Learning to Respond
Have you ever had it happen where you’re presented with a piece of information that sends you for a spin (metaphorically-speaking, of course)? You know, a curve ball of sorts. You’re going through your day tickity-boo when, out of nowhere, you get a call or an email that gives you information that you either didn’t need, didn’t want, or has you confused in some way. I know it happens to me from time-to-time. So I know it happens to you (my opening question really was a rhetorical one!).
What do you do when that happens? This is something I’ve been playing with — consciously and deliberately — this week. What I notice from my own experience, and I’m willing to bet that it’s true for you as well, is that your instinct is to dive in and address the issue at hand RIGHT NOW. There’s a way that you just react. Right? Of course you do. It’s what your mind is trained to do. What I’m working at doing — and in turn inviting you to do — is start RESPONDING instead. You know, take a moment (or 5 or 10 moments), breathe, re-read or re-listen to the information. Remove whatever emotional charge you hear or experience. And then, from a truly grounded space, respond.
I know, I know, sometimes there isn’t time to get grounded. Well, what I’m learning is that getting grounded actually doesn’t take a lot of time. The time it takes to draw a single, deliberate breath will do it. In that moment you can release yourself of any emotion, anchor yourself in a solid way, and respond.
Why is this important to leadership? Because everyone around you needs you to be grounded in the way you show up. When you react, you’re likely to say or do something you’ll regret. Something that’s not congruent. Something that’s based on inaccurate perception. You’ll hear insinuation where there may not be any, you’ll sense accusation that may not exist, you’ll feel mal-intent that’s really not there. And if you react to those things, you’ll end up creating a situation that doesn’t need to get created — a situation that flies in the face of whatever your leadership vision is.
Sometimes, you will react, no doubt about it. And yet, if you can get more deliberate about RESPONDING to whatever shows up, you’ll definitely lessen the reactionary fallout. It may be challenging to give yourself the time to respond vs. react. But knowing that it only takes a moment, it’s a moment that’s definitely worth taking. So go ahead. Breathe; then respond.
Whatever Will Come, Will Come…
Yes, I know. The traditional saying is “whatever will be, will be.” However, my son has just finished reading the Harry Potter series of books — one of my all time favourites, by the way — and this morning I asked him what his favourite quote was. He didn’t have to think long before he quoted Hagrid and said, “Whatever will come, will come. And we’ll have to meet it when it does.”
Now, while I realize that the words were not his — he was quoting, after all — I was awestruck at his ability to pull what seems like an essential life-learning from the series, at such a young age. Essentially, this quote speaks to what so many struggle with on a daily basis: the ability to stay right here, right now, not worrying about what might happen, and instead trying to plan for every eventuality, engaging in a host of unnecessary worry as a result. Honouring the quote of “whatever will come, will come” seems like such a fantastic reminder of the approach required to move through life with ease.
As I reflect on how this perspective serves leadership, it occurs to me that leaders must strive to avoid getting caught in the “perpetual planning” trap. There’s a way in which leadership — which requires one to be forward-thinking — requires one to plan ahead. A leader must contemplate the future, try to anticipate what might happen and brainstorm possible contingency plans and options. It’s the nature of the beast, I get it. And yet, if a leader is not careful, he or she can get so caught up in planning and miss what’s going on right here, right now. And this doesn’t serve either.
Bottom-line: effective leaders balance the ability to plan with the ability to stay fully grounded and present in this moment. They balance their ability to vision with the ability to see what’s right in front of them. They understand that, try as they will, all the planning in the world simply cannot prepare them for every eventuality. And when it comes right down to it, effective leaders know how to dance with whatever comes their way, even without planning. Because, whatever will come, will come — that’s all there is to it.
When You Can’t See What’s Ahead
A couple of years ago, I was driving with my family on our first-ever March Break trip to Disneyworld. The excitement in the vehicle as we drove on that first night — a 4 hour stretch, just to say we were on our way — was palpable. My husband was the only one of us who had ever been to Disneyworld, and even he was tingling with the anticipation of reliving the magic with all of us.
That first night we stopped at a hotel, enjoyed a relaxing evening complete with popcorn and a bit of TV before going to bed. When we awoke the next morning, we were in the midst of a major (and I mean MAJOR) snowstorm. Now, for us, being from Canada and specifically southwestern ontario, snowstorms aren’t necessarily a huge deal, so we just ate our breakfast, climbed in the van and headed on our way. Well, we weren’t on the road for more than 30 minutes before we were all feeling more than a little nervous, and that’s putting it mildly. There was a ton (more or less) of snow on the roads, plows hadn’t been by in who knows how long, and every few meters there was another vehicle in the ditch. The windshield wipers were freezing and becoming so snow-covered that there was no way of knowing what was ahead. The only thing we could see was what was right in front of us — and the screen of our GPS. And the only thing we knew for sure, was that at some point, if we kept driving, we would be out of the storm. So, white-knuckled, my husband kept his hands on the wheel, his foot on the brake, and his eyes on both the road and the GPS. By doing this and staying calm,he managed to get us safely through the storm and onto clear roads (granted it was a good 2 1/2 hours later till we were on clear roads, but clear they were). My job in all of this was to ensure that the children stayed calm and occupied — so out came my bag of activities, the in-car movies, and my own calm-factor (albeit with perspiration on my forehead).
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, this morning it occurred to me that life can, at times, feel exactly like that drive to Disneyworld. There are times where the storm clouds of life come in and you cannot see what lies ahead, no matter how hard you try. All you know for sure is that if you keep moving forward, the clouds will clear and all will be fine in the end. In those circumstances, the key really is to stay grounded in the here and now, taking one step at a time, and re-adjusting as necessary. Granted, this can be challenging in the heat of the moment. You may well want to “take the nearest exit” as it were, crawl back into bed and try to out-wait the storm. What I know for sure, however, is that in most cases, simply standing in the knowledge that the storm will pass, and taking whatever small steps you can to move forward in the meantime, is actually more productive.
Bottom-line: anyway you look at it, keeping your focus in the present is the option that serves best. Always. And especially when life feels cloudy.