What Do You Expect?

Every so often the world gives you the opportunity to remember something you’ve known but allowed to move off your radar.  For me, it’s the power of expectation, which equates in many ways to intention.

Expectation is a powerful thing.  More and more research is pointing to the creative power of human thought, and expectation boils down to what you’re thinking about a situation, place or thing in a particular moment or moments.

Yesterday, I had the distinct frustration of being able to receive email, but not send any.  I knew that this was due to a problem with my outgoing server, provided by my ISP.  This has happened a few times in the past; usually it’s resolved on its own.  Only once have I had to call and deal with a tech person to resolve the issue.  Although I remember the experience being tedious, I also remember it resolving just fine, with the help of the tech support person.

Before I called my ISP support desk, I called a few other tech people in my life, just to be sure that I wasn’t missing something.  I’ll admit it; there are times when I question my own judgment.  All agreed that the ISP support desk was where I needed to look.  One person, as we were signing off said that she hoped the support staff would be kind.  Which threw me for a smidge of a loop, because it never occurred to me that they’d be anything but.  You see, I’ve always had really good experience with my ISP support.  And so, my expectation was that the situation would resolve easily and painlessly, albeit with a small time investment on my part.

Given all that was on my agenda yesterday, I decided to do what I could from my secondary server, leave an autoresponder for my clients and colleagues in case they wondered why I was taking so long to get back to them, and then deal with the situation this morning.  First thing this morning I called the ISP support desk.  After a wait of about 5 minutes (which is so much easier for me at the beginning of the day than at the end) a lovely support person by the name of Karen came on the line.  She patiently heard my concern, then walked me through a series of steps to rectify the situation.  It took no more than 5 additional minutes.  And now the situation is resolved.  She answered all my questions (not that there were many), she was pleasant the whole time, and her explanations were clear.

It was a fabulous experience, and no less than I expected.  Which, ultimately, is the point of this post.  I firmly believe that the expectations you hold set the stage for what will happen.  As a leader, being cognizant of the expectations you hold will allow you to tweak your expectations so that you actually create the outcomes that serve the big picture, whatever that is for you.  Holding small expectations, whether of your staff, your self, or your projects isn’t wise.  You’ve really got to expect the best, as cliche as that might sound.

With curiousity, I’m now going to explore what other expectations I have in my life.  And I’m going to invite you to do the same.  When going into a meeting, what outcome do you expect?  When networking, how much business do you expect to glean?  When preparing for an exam, do you expect to pass or fail?  When going out socially, do you expect to have fun?  Expectations really are powerful.  Pay attention to yours, tweak and notice what shows up.  Bottom-line:  you’ve got to ask yourself, “What do you expect?”

Want weekly doses of life and leadership wisdom?  Surf on over to www.stellarcc.com and sign up for the LAUNCH ezine in the bottom, left-hand corner.  It’s just what you need to be playing a powerful leadership game in all of your life.  And in case you’re wondering, my ISP is Bell — and I’ve been very pleased with them throughout the years

Creating a Win-Win Situation

The original title of this post was “Creating a Win-Win” — then my 11-year old walked in, took a quick glance and said, “What’s a Win-Win?”, running the two “wins” together into one big shamozle of a word (is that how you spell shamozle??).  Anyhow, in my world, “creating a win-win” is a standard phrase; my son’s curiousity this morning, however, has me realizing that the phrase may not actually be in everybody’s vernacular.  And so, in some ways, I feel like my inclination to write about this topic today is timely.  Sometimes a little validation is a good thing.

To ensure you’re on the same page with me, let me clarify that a “win-win” is a situation in which all parties involved experience a win of some sort.  In a win-win situation, everybody gains, nobody loses, there really isn’t any compromising going on, or if there is, the gain for all is far greater than any individual’s particular sacrifice, and so all involved are able to feel really good about the outcome, whatever it might be.  That, my friends, is a win-win situation.  The gains don’t have to be the same on all sides.  In fact, what one individual might consider a “win”, another might look at with scorn.  Creating a win-win situation requires the creators of the situation to be in tune to what all parties need and/or want, both collectively and as individuals in the situation at hand.

Is creating a win-win always possible?  My personal sense is that it is — and, everyone involved has to be amenable to working towards that end.  As a leader, you need to facilitate a dialogue, lay out a framework and hold the collective vision through the required conversation so that the win-win emerges as the final outcome.  It can be challenging; and it is doable — once everyone is on board.

Bottom-line:  as a leader, no matter what your current challenge is, there is a way out.  And the best way out is to follow the win-win trail.  Seek out what is needed and wanted by all involved, then facilitate the dialogue that will allow the win-win to emerge.  It might take some time; and it will emerge.

BONUS:  Here’s where I get to put myself out there and share what I know will be a win-win for some of you (for others of you, it won’t — because you don’t need or want what I’m about to offer).

One of my business goals this year is to create and roll out a couple of new programs, including a revamped version of my Women Leaders Connected group coaching program and a brand-new membership site, both in the coming months.  I’ve enlisted the support of a fabulous coach and mastermind group to help me in bringing this about.  And, as I do this, my individual coaching practice will morph a bit as well.

As I work to incorporate these new aspects into my business, my goal is to keep my current individual coaching practice full.  At this time, I have a few (3 to be exact) open spaces.  I want to fill these spaces within the next two weeks. Now, these spaces aren’t for everyone.  If you’re not thrilled about working with a coach, if you don’t have a leadership vision, if you’re not willing to stretch yourself to make 2011 better than 2010, then this is definitely not for you.  If, however, you’re at all intrigued about working with a coach, if you’re a leader in a company or organization who wants to affect some change this year, if you’re ready, willing and able to make an investment of time, energy and money in yourself and your leadership, then this  is definitely for you.  All you need to do to get started is contact me at info@stellarcc.com and we’ll set up a consultation time, to see how we can move forward effectively.  It’s a win-win situation because I keep my practice full while my business grows and evolves, and you get the support you need to create the changes and reach the goals you’re striving for.   You’ve gotta love it!

So, if this is right for you, contact me today (info@stellarcc.com).  And if it’s not right for you, that’s okay — it’s not for everybody.  Feel free to share the information with those in your circle — because it might be right for them.  And I’ll keep you posted, whether you take advantage of this opportunity or not, as to how my own goals and objectives are coming into reality.

Stepping Towards Great

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” ~Vincent Van Gogh

So I read the above quote this morning (I like to start my day with some inspiration of some sort!).  The inherent truth of it resonates with me.  It’s like I recognize the wisdom on a cellular level.  And yet, I’ve got to admit, sometimes it’s the small things that trip me up.

Sometimes, I find it challenging in the moment to know how this particular small action is leading me to the great thing, whatever it might be.  I’ve got a reasonably clear vision of what it is I’m striving to create — my “great thing”; I know my goals, so to speak.  And yet, some days, there really is this question of “what do I do now?”  “What’s going to lead me to that?”

I know that I need to take action — some action, however small — to move me forward.  Moving forward, after all, doesn’t require leaps and bounds, it only requires movement.  Life being what it is, however, I can’t actually see the link (at least not all the time) between the step I’m taking now, and the ultimate destination.  So, what’s the solution?

My sense is that it boils down to a combination of trusting, moving, and periodic asking.  Trusting that I will get where I’m heading, by virtue of the fact that I know where I want to end up; moving in what I believe the right direction is, and then pausing periodically to ask the universe (in whatever form that takes — prayer, meditation, journalling, etc;) for some guidance.  As I was recently reminded at a women’s networking event, Dori in Finding Nemo says, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…” In this same way, you’ve got to just keep stepping, knowing and believing that this continuous stepping will keep you from failing, and ultimately will get you where you’re going.

Bottom-line is this:  take a step, some small step.  That’s what moves you forward, nothing else.  And when in doubt ask yourself, what small step can I take now?  Then, trust that you’ll

When the Summit becomes a Plateau

One of the things about having goals is that, assuming you continue to be diligent and put effort into the achievement of said goals. you will reach them.  It’s rather an inevitability.  It might take a bit longer, or require a slightly different path than you originally envisioned, and yet, you will get there.  Your goals will be realized.  That being said, the whole process of goal-achievement can (and indeed has) been likened over time to mountain-climbing, there’s no doubt about it.  Why?  Because at times it can feel hard.  Really hard.  There’s a huge expenditure of energy, be it physical, emotional, or mental, and there can be a sense of pushing yourself uphill, especially as you build momentum.  And then, at some point, the goal is achieved, the metaphorical summit is reached.  And you can exhale in a big way, and mark the success in some way.

I’m a big proponent of taking time to celebrate victories and successes, however small they might seem.  I believe strongly in the importance of savouring the moment, really acknowledging the effort and the outcome.  My personal belief is that it’s the moments that make up our lives, and so you must take the time to acknowledge the moments as they happen rather than sail past them and on to the next objective.  The question that I’m sitting with right now, however, is around timing:  how long do you sit and savour the success of reaching the summit, before that summit becomes a plateau?  Because it will.

You see, life being what it is, until you reach the end of your time here, there is always something more to achieve, one more task to be accomplished, one more goal to reach.  In light of this, the danger as I’ve noted above is that so often you don’t take time to savour the moment before moving on to the next one.  There is an opposing danger as well, however; this is the danger that you’ll hang out in the land of savouring and celebration for too long — and all of a sudden what felt like a summit is now a plateau.  And the energy of plateau can be stagnant.  Stifling.  Really, rather like being in a rut.

Plateaus happen in all areas of life.  Business, relationships, exercise — you name the area, you can plateau.  And the plateau isn’t a bad thing in and of itself.  If we continue with the mountain-climbing analogy, a plateau can be the place where you rest, gather energy for the next phase of the climb.  The question is how to move away from the plateau, once the rest, energizing and savouring is complete — how to find the energy to shift and put your focus on a new summit.  And when to do that.  My sense is that when the celebration and savouring starts to feel stagnant, that’s the time to find a new objective.  Something that will pull you out of the rut and move you into a new-found sense of purpose and direction.

Bottom-line:  the plateau can be a great place to hang out for a while.  It can be comfortable and allow your body and mind time to rejuvenate.  And yet, you will have to move on at some point.  If you don’t, your life will lose its spark.  And a life without spark isn’t really a lot of fun.  Those are my ponderings for today.

Lessons from My First 10 KM Race

So, I did it.  Yesterday, I ran my first 10 km race.  This was an objective that I set for myself a couple of years ago.  It originally started with the statement “when I turn 40 I’m gonna run a marathon!!!”  I’m one of those people who can easily get swept away with an idea and aim pretty high.  Nothing wrong with that in and of itself.  And yet, as I started the process of learning to run and realizing what it felt like and what I enjoyed and didn’t enjoy, I came to the conclusion that what I really wanted to do was run a decent long-distance race.  More than 3km — but not a marathon (at least not yet).  And so, I settled on running a 10 km.

Last summer I ran a 5 km, with very little training.  It was fun — and fine.  And set the stage for me to aim for this 10 km.  I’ve got to tell you though, I had a hard time getting ready for this race and learned a LOT along the way, about who I am, how I perform optimally, what I’m capable of and what I really want.  In the training process alone, I re-learned that I really do much better when I align myself with someone.  As much as I work well alone, I work better when I’ve got someone to walk the journey with me, someone to laugh with, someone to push me when I want to sell out, someone who I can push back, someone I can lean into.  I also learned that I can actually get up early — I don’t like to, I prefer to sleep in — but I can.  And I really do work better in the morning, when I just get myself out of bed!

Race day itself taught me a lot.  There’s stuff I know on a cellular level that I didn’t know quite as deeply before.  Here’s a summary of my learnings (and wherever I say “I” you can substitue “YOU”):

1. I am capable of more than my brain would sometimes have me believe.
2. Both my body and my brain, when they work together, can accomplish great things.
3. Goals don’t have to be lofty — they just have to stretch me.
4. Any goal achieved is totally worth celebrating in a big way.
5. Nothing beats the support of family and friends.
6. Whenever I feel myself hitting the wall, all I have to do is look beyond it.
7. Focusing on my breathing will always allow me to go further and do more than I realize.
8. It’s okay to slow down for a bit before I sprint all out.
9. Staying hydrated is beyond important.
10. Connecting to someone else — having a conversation — can take me away from the pain.
11. Competing with others is good — competing with myself is better.
12. It really is about completing.

That’s what I know and can articulate right now.  What I know for sure is that each of these learnings has implications for the big-picture of my life.  And, I’m really proud of what I accomplished.  I had a vision, and I did what I needed to do to make it a reality.  Two months ago, I was on the verge of giving up on this dream, putting it on the shelf until the spring.  But I didn’t — and I’m glad.  Now, to savour the success.  Thanks to all who supported me along the way.

Looking Beyond the Let-Down, to the Opportunity

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong.  Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward,toward finding the answer.”  ~Denis Waitley

Yesterday I had the distinctly disappointing experience of being let down by a client.  In a nutshell, the person in question told me that she would be pulling out of an agreement that we’d made.  As near as I can tell, the pulling out isn’t going to be a permanent thing — it’s supposedly just on hold for a few months.  And she assures me that she’s committed to continuing once a few personal ducks are lined up — she wants to keep doing the work she’s embarked on.  All this aside, it was a disappointment in the moment nonetheless.

As I felt myself reel in response to this news, I simultaneously became aware of an urge to look beyond the let-down.  And it was interesting to notice this urge.  Because, of course, it was competing with the urge to be angry and vent a bit.  As I sat with these competing urges, what I realized is that where I am in the long run, depends hugely on which urges I choose to follow moment to moment.  In this instance, if I choose to follow the urge to be angry and vent, then I will stay in this “let down” place.  If, however, I choose to follow the urge to look beyond — to the opportunity — then I will actually move forward.  Which begs the question:  do I want to stay here?  Or do I want to move on?

What I know for sure is that this is the constant challenge for me.  Not simply the “let-down” vs. “opportunity” question, but the question of “this moment” vs. “the future”.  I know that there is power in staying fully present in the moment.  And, I also know that sometimes, you’ve actually got to put your attention forward, even while you are aware of what’s happening now.  It’s an interesting balancing act; and usually what lies ahead, particularly when it’s a specific goal or objective, has got a “wow factor” that the present-moment-spinning just can’t provide.

Bottom-line:  when the thing that’s happening in this moment causes you to be caught in a whirlwind of negativity, you’ve really got to put your attention beyond the here and now.  Look to what’s possible, look to where you’re headed and, while you appreciate what’s going on now, pull yourself to the opportunity beyond.  It’s the best way to blend the power of now with the energy of wow.

Balancing Movement and Stillness

The last few days I’ve been sitting with what appear to be opposing notions — the notion of movement, and that of stillness.  You see, what I’m currently aware of is that I am heading towards a particular objective.  Actually, who am I kidding — I’m heading towards several objectives, but they’re all on the same path.  As each objective is met, another one is waiting further along.  But that is not the point.

The point, instead, is that even as I head toward these objectives, no matter how clear I might be about what I want out of life, there are moments where the fog settles in and I can’t see where it is I’m headed.  In these moments, I can choose to move forward, trusting my internal compass, or I can choose to be still for a bit, and wait for the fog to burn off.

My sense is that there are merits to both.  In the movie Finding Nemo, when Dori forgets where she is and where she’s heading, her motto is to “keep on swimming, keep on swimming…” — and this approach can absolutely serve.  It keeps momentum going, and gets you closer to your ultimate goal in some small way.  That being said, sometimes you just have to stop and get your bearings.  Sometimes, stopping and allowing the fog to lift shows you a whole new perspective on the path you’ve chosen.  This doesn’t mean that you’ll necessarily choose another path; it does however afford you the opportunity to come at your path from another angle, so to speak.

I guess what I’m realizing is this:  there can be a real tendency to just forge ahead with a pig-headed determination when you’ve got a specific objective in mind.  Sometimes, however, even as you plow ahead, the air gets murky, your vision gets impaired, and plowing ahead may actually be more of an act of danger than stick-to-it-iveness.  In those moments, finding a place of stillness, and allowing things to settle may ultimately move you further along your path than would otherwise be possible.  In other words, being still isn’t a bad thing.  You’ve just got to find the right balance between forward movement and stillness.  That’s what actually allows you to achieve your goal with panache.

Feel the S-T-R-E-T-C-H!!!

So, while yesterday there was a sense of stuckness and restlessness for me, today is all about movement and stretch.  Woke up with the inspiration to “just do it” already — complete some follow-ups, take some risks, step boldly as it were.  It’s all great.  Had a concrete goal as well, to put some finishing touches on a workshop — which I did.  And what I’ve been noticing is that, moving out of the restless place, while it absolutely required me to “notice, allow and shift” as I suggested yesterday, it also requires me to stretch.

Now here’s the interesting thing that I’m learning about stretch:  I can stretch to different degrees.  Sometimes, it’s just a wee bit of a stretch.  At other times, it’s a real, effort-filled, dear-Lord-can-I-really-pull-myself-that-far sort of stretch.  And both serve.  Both have me move beyond whatever self-imposed limits I’ve created, and both stretches have me create space for what I couldn’t necessarily have anticipated showing up.

In a leadership context, this feels really important for me to remember.  As a leader, I need to constantly be aware of how I might stretch, what I might stretch into, what I might create.  Red flags for me are when I hear myself imposing limits — or even notice myself acknowledging limits.  Those limit-noticing moments are also opportunities for me to ask, “what’s the stretch here?”

As anyone who’s ever done any physical activity of any sort knows, stretching is a good thing.  It limbers you up, gets you ready, and allows you to do what would otherwise have been beyond you.  The same principle applies in the leadership game.  If you’re really going to bring your leadership vision to life, you’ve got to stretch.   A little stretch here, a big stretch there, whatever sort of stretch — just stretch.  M-O-V-E yourself into those spaces that seem like they’re off limits; challenge yourself, even just a little bit.  When it comes right down to it, at the end of the day, those little stretches all add up to one big leadership expansion.  And as a leader, that’s exactly what I’m going for.

Permission to Practice

We’ve all heard it said, “practice makes perfect.”  Whether you’re learning to play an instrument, taking  on a new job, or figuring out how to develop a spreadsheet, giving yourself time to practice — time to repeat the required skills over and over again — is what leads to mastery.

Years ago, I learned that practice requires one to move through the following stages:  unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, unconscious competence.  In other words, when you start to practice something, whatever it might be, there’s actually a stage at which you are very aware of the mistakes you’re making (conscious incompetence).  During this stage, it is essential to give yourself permission to continue to practice, and more importantly, to be incompetent without judgment, knowing that the current incompetence will pass and give rise to a level of competence after a period of time.  What I’ve noticed is that many people struggle with practicing without judgment.

Admittedly, letting go of the judgment can be challenging.  After all, you’re wanting to move on to the next level, to prove to yourself that you are capable of whatever skill you’re working toward.  What I know for sure, however, is that adding judgment to the equation often just holds you back.  It keeps you in conscious incompetence longer than necessary.

Understand, I’m not suggesting that you pretend you’re competent before you are.  This isn’t about ignoring incompetence.  This is, however, about being aware without making yourself bad, slow or wrong in any way.  It’s about allowing the incompetence to simply be part of the process.  Why?  So that you can truly learn and move on.

So, what is it that you are striving to learn?  What skill are you wanting to add to your toolkit?  How willing are you to practice, practice, practice (aka, get it wrong, get it wrong, get it wrong) before you get it right?  The more willing you are to hang out in the practice space without judgment, to hang out in the practice space with awareness, the quicker you will move to the level of conscious competence and eventually unconscious competence, otherwise known as mastery.

Bottom-line: if mastery is your objective, you need to give yourself permission to simply be aware of where you’re at, knowing that this awareness will propel you forward like nothing else.

A Way to Wrap Up 2009

I’ve just had an idea, so figured I’d blog about it.  I’m always challenging myself to break out of the norm, find new ways to be with the world and myself.  This time of year is generally seen as a time of celebration and reflection, simultaneously.  The celebration, of course, is all about thanksgiving, sharing and joyful connection in most traditions.  And the reflection, at least for me, is about looking at this year that’s passed, taking stock, and then channeling those reflections into intentions and goals for the year ahead.  With this in mind, I conjured my new idea

Look back on the past 12 months and fill in the following blanks:

• I am _______________
• I’ve done _____________
• My favourite moment was ________________
• I laughed the most when _______________
• I know now that _________________
• I’m blessed because __________________
• I’m thankful for _____________________
• I’m surrounded by ______________________
• I discovered that _____________________
• I know I can do __________________

It occurs to me that a list such as this will allow me to take stock.  But what I really like about it is that once I’ve filled in the blanks for 2009, I can rewrite the list, pretend I’m looking back on 2010 once it’s passed, and fill in the blanks AGAIN.  In other words, with one simple activity, I can reflect and give thanks AND set my goals and intentions for the new year.  In the latter context, my blanks will be filled in based on the answers I have to this question:  “What do I want to be able to say come December 31, 2010?”

I don’t know, for me, it’s all about fun, new, fresh and intriguing. These questions seem to capture some of these qualities for me.  I believe they’ll work for you too.