Learning to Shine the Light
Believe it or not, you’ve got a metaphorical light that you’re shining all the time. I’m not talking about your inner goodness here. I’m talking about a flashlight of sorts, a lens that allows you to see things clearer. Generally speaking, you shine the light outward — keeping your focus on where you’re headed and sometimes exploring what’s hidden in the dark corners. Shining the light in this manner ensures that your path is always illuminated, at least enough that you can follow it.
What I know is that sometimes, however, you’ve also go to shine the light inward. This can be a daunting process for some. When you shine the light inward, you basically allow yourself to see what you’re wanting, what you’re fearing, how you’re pushing yourself and how you might be holding yourself back. Shining the light inward gives very little room for illusion. And yet, shining the light inward from time to time, is what allows you to then shine the light outward with a clearer sense of purpose and direction.
I often find that this time of year lends itself to introspection of this sort. As the current year winds down and the new year prepares to dawn, I get to ask myself questions related to my dreams and desires, my choices, my actions. I get to clarify what it is I want, and determine whether or not I’m committed to creating and achieving whatever that is. As I get clearer in this way, the choices that I need to make become more apparent as I then shine my light outward.
Bottom-line: no matter what your leadership purpose or vision, it behooves you to turn your light inward from time-to-time and be sure that what’s going on “inside” lines up with the paths you’re illuminating “outside.” Introspection is a good thing. And this time of year can provide the perfect opportunity for you to get clear.
The Opportunity to Walk My Talk
The week ahead is going to be a weird one for me. Technically, I’m at work all week; I’ve got projects, meetings, clients — all that normal work stuff to attend to. However, my husband — who’s usually home and available to assist with childcare issues — is away at his annual week-long union meeting — his one-and-only work commitment of the summer — until the school year begins again.
In the past, I’ve generally chosen to take this week off in it’s entirety. The kids and I have hung out, played games, watched movies, had fun — all good stuff. This year, I’m going to engage in some of that. But because I sit on a couple of community Boards of Directors, as luck would have it, this is the week where they’re all meeting. And I don’t feel like I can bail. So, I’m going to be juggling things a bit.
Why am I writing about this? Well, it feels to me like this week is providing me a brilliant opportunity to walk my talk. As I look to the week ahead, I’m aware of all that needs to get accomplished — all that I’d like to accomplish — both on a professional and personal level. And let me tell you, there’s a LOT I’d like to accomplish. My general life philosophy, however, is all about balance — balance in the sense of honouring the values that are most important to me, as opposed to dividing my time equally. And this week brings many of these values into competition with one another, more often than not. So what I’m realizing, is that I’m going to have a myriad of moments where I get to model the skill of consciously choosing what to honour, and then allowing my choice to be perfect. This is going to be fun.
What I know for sure is that I’m engaged in walking my talk — or at least doing my best to do so — every moment of every day. Some situations bring the whole walking-your-talk thing into the spotlight. As a leader, knowing when this spotlight is on, and taking advantage of the spotlight as an opportunity to hone your skill is a good thing. So here’s my question of you today: do you know what your talk is? Are you walking it? And if not, what will it take for you to do so? Happy pondering! More another time 
When “Right” is Disguised as “Wrong”
I’m sitting here this morning contemplating “what’s right” and more specifically, how one knows when something is right. For example, how do you know when a course of action is right? How do you know when it will serve? These questions are arising for me as a result of having reached a crossroads of sorts, and being uncertain as to which path to follow. I’m sure you can relate to the resulting sense of angst (but maybe I’m just assuming you can relate — maybe you’ve never in fact been in this situation!)
For many years I’ve held the belief that you know when something’s right because it feels right. What I’m starting to realize now, however, is that sometimes you’ve got to move through a “feeling wrong” experience before things feel right. The temptation in this scenario, of course, is to assume that the initial “wrongness” deems the whole course of action wrong. My sense is that this sort of thinking actually sets you up for unnecessary slogging.
Here’s an example. At this particular point in my life, in my career, I have numerous goals and objectives. Most of these still ring true as things which I want to accomplish; those that don’t, well I’m in the process of letting those go. The challenge I’m encountering is that my best-laid plans are going somewhat askew, due to a number of reasons. In order to get back on track, I’m sensing that I’m going to have to ask for some help — specifically, asking people for resources which I sort of figured I would be able to access on my own. For me, the notion of asking others for resources of any sort generally feels “wrong.” And I could easily let this feeling of “wrongness” stop me from asking. When I take a step back, however, and look at the big picture, what I realize is that by not asking for resources, I’m likely to waste time and energy that could otherwise be put into the achievement of my goal. In other words, while there’s an initial sense of “wrong”, in the long run, this choice could actually be “right.”
The ultimate challenge, of course, is that in this game of life you can’t actually know if something’s right or wrong until you do it. Sometimes, the things that feel right turn out to be mistakes, and the things that feel wrong actually serve in a way you could never have imagined. The trick, I’m beginning to understand, is to lose the judgment of right and wrong altogether, particularly with respect to the outcome, and simply choose a course of action — and then choose again as necessary. It’s imperative to stop being hard on yourself, judging yourself for “wrong” choices, and keep your eye on the ball at all times, whatever that ball is for you.
Bottom-line is this, best summarized by Don Miguel Ruiz’s 4th agreement in his book The Four Agreements: always do your best. Some choices will serve, others will not, and if you’re doing your best at all times, then you simply cannot hold yourself in contempt. It really is all good.
Life Balance Part 1
What Exactly Is “A Balanced Life”?
One of the biggest challenges that many of my clients bring to their coaching sessions revolves around achieving life balance. This is not surprising when you consider that we live in a world where there is so much going on, so many choices to make, and a myriad of demands on our time. Given the fast-paced nature of the world in which we live, how exactly does one achieve the ever-coveted state of “balance”?
The critical first step is to define what life balance actually is. As much as the phrase is a popular one, I’m willing to be that you aren’t able to clearly articulate its meaning. The reason for this is quite simple: balance looks different to each person. What looks like a balanced, manageable day for your best friend may look like complete chaos to you. So, it is essential that you get clear on what balance looks like for you. Ask yourself: what would be present in my life if things were more balanced? What would I be doing? How would I be feeling? Once you know the answers to these questions, then you’ve got a solid sense of what you’re aiming for. You’ve got a direction in which to head.
Which bring us to the second aspect of the definition. People often assume that “balance” is a state of being, a destination. The fact, however, is that it is not a destination but rather a direction. In every moment of every day you are presented with choices. The choices you make are either moving you in the direction of balance, or away from it. It behooves you to remember this because if you labour under the illusion that balance is a state of being then you can fail to recognize it when you actually have it. So, say it with me, and repeat it often: BALANCE IS A DIRECTION; IT’S NOT A DESTINATION.
The final piece of the definition is to remember that “balanced” does not equate to stress-free or perfect. Life, being what it is, will always have its ups and downs. When you are making choices that move you towards balance, however, the up-and-down moments don’t knock you off course; you simply move with them and take them in stride. Think about roller-coaster rides. There are some roller-coasters that send you to the place of complete nausea; you exit the ride and head for the nearest garbage can or washroom as quickly as possible. There are other roller-coasters, however, that leave you feeling absolutely exhilarated. There’s a thrill to the ride, even with its ups and downs. You know you can go back for more, and handle it just fine. In the same way, when your life choices are in line with what you want, and you’re moving towards balance more often than not, life’s ups and downs are just part of the journey.
Knowing how to define balance and recognizing what it actually means for you in your world is essential to being able to live a “balanced life”. Next time, we’ll explore what to do once you’re clear on what balance means for you. Until then, here’s an activity to do: create a collage that captures the essence of the life you’re creating. Make sure it speaks to who you are and how you want to be. Try to make it as full, rich and detailed as possible, covering all aspects of your life: personal, professional, relationships, hobbies, and even your physical environment. Then post this visual reminder of your balanced life in a prominent place, as a reminder of what you’re creating and living each day.. Happy collaging! Here’s to getting clear on how you want your life to be.