In The Face of Cynicism
Who knew that cynicism could start so early. How early? Well, apparently 9-year olds can be cynical. I had no idea.
If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’re probably aware that one of my intentions as a parent is to teach my children, and model for my children, the creative power that we each have, the power that is rooted in intention and deliberate, conscious choice. With this in mind, one of our morning rituals before my kiddies head off to school is for us each to state one goal for the day, and what kind of day we’re striving to create. So, oftentimes, my children will head out the door after having stated confidently something like, “My goal is to have a fun day and to do well in my math quiz.” At the end of the day, or over dinner, we have an opportunity to check in on these goals and intentions. As I said, for me it’s about having them learn and understand that they do have some say in how things go.
Well, this morning we had two of my daughter’s friends with us for the before-school time (mom had to go to work early, and I was happy to help out with childcare). When I asked my daughter what kind of day she was going to have, I distinctly heard her 9-year old friend say, with a tone of utter disdain, “What kind of day is she going to have? How can she know? I don’t know what kind of day I’m going to have until it’s done?!!!!” Now, while I understand that for some this whole concept is novel — I just wasn’t prepared for the cynicism. That very cynicism is what gets in the way of people claiming their co-creative power and potential.
So, knowing that this cynicism starts early, I am increasing my commitment to modeling and teaching these strategies to my children. And, I want to challenge you to do the same. I firmly believe that intentionally deciding what kind of day you’re going to have serves better than the conventional “wait-and-see” paradigm. It all begins by answering this question: What kind of day are YOU going to have?
The Wisdom of Children
Children. Whether you have any of your own or not, you just gotta love ‘em. Not that I’m trying to create a rule here or anything, I’m just aware that when I scan my everyday experiences with my own children, there are some shining examples of wisdom and insight that just seem to be missing in the “adult world”. Take this morning for example.
My children and I were sitting down to breakfast, my husband having left for an early-morning meeting. The inevitable question quickly arose: “So mom, how’d you and dad do at baseball last night? Did you guys win?” And sadly, my answer was as it generally tends to be: “Not too well I’m afraid; we had a lot of fun. And we lost.” I began to share some of the challenges we had experienced during the game: not quite enough players (we need a minimum of 4 women to play, and due to a variety of circumstances, we were short until the very last minute); pulled quad muscles; questionable umpiring; an opposing team that was les-than-sportsmanlike. And believe me, even as I shared all of this, I was hyper-conscious of being factual and not making excuses — simply explaining 
As I was sharing my perspective, my 9-year old son shared this insight: “You know Mom, I really do think you guys need a better team name. Yours sends the wrong message and other teams figure you’re not really all that good.” I know; you’re wondering what the team name is. Well before I tell you, let me be clear that my teammates and I entered this rec league purely as a way to get together once a week and have some fun. The incentive was more social and fun, than competitive. Which is a good thing — because we’re really not the most talented bunch out there (yet). Our first year, our team name was Field of Dreams. For the last two years, however, in the spirit of fun and comraderie, our name has been “Scared Hitless”. Seemed appropriate given our record — and again, we’re all about the fun. (I know, who am I trying to convince??) At any rate, my son continues with the following: “I mean, “Scared Hitless” — what are you trying to say? You guys aren’t “scared” and you’re not “hitless”, but your name tells them you are. The other team names send a better message, I think. I mean, I don’t know what the heck “Backyard Boozers” means (picture my adult grin as he says this), but the “Cougars” — there’s a good name. “Cougars” are fast, and fierce. You guys need a name like that. I think it’d make a difference.”
At this point I shared a bit about how I saw his point. There’s certainly great insight there. And I also shared my firm belief that ultimately it is what WE think that matters. Even as I said it and believe it, however, I find myself holding the question — what do we believe? As a team, I mean? I know we’re all about fun — but surely there’s another name out there that’s equally fun and maybe less depracating? Something for me to ponder. While it may be too late to change our name for this year, it might be worth considering for next year. And in the meantime, it’s a great question to dance with: can your belief about who you are outweigh the “name” that you carry? In this moment, I believe that it can — so long as your belief is strong. That, I believe, is the ticket. And while I play with this question, I’ll see what other insights my children have. They seem to be on to some good stuff.