What’s Your M.O.?
Yesterday, I published my weekly newsletter, LAUNCH (Leadership that’s Authentic, Uninhibited, Naturally Confident and Happy). This week’s feature article was titled “How Do You Do Things?”, and the central focus was on a quote that has been sitting uppermost in my mind for the past week or so. The quote, by T. Harv Eker, is one that my own coach uses frequently, and it has me thinking about my own patterns and practices; it does like this: “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.” For some reason, the very thought that I might have patterns that are that pervasive is astounding, curious and slightly troublesome.
You see, T. Harv Eker is basically speaking to the idea that what you do in one area of life is likely replicated in other areas. So, think for a moment about how you operate in your life. Do you find yourself picking up the slack at work? If so, how do you pick up the slack elsewhere in your life, in what other relationships? Do you leave your house as late as possible to make an appointment, leaving just enough travel time? If so, when and where else in your life’s circumstances do you procrastinate? Are you someone who holds a myriad of ideas in your brain while dealing with a single task such as meal preparation? If so, when else do you multitask? In short, what’s your general m.o.?
Although I wrote about this topic in yesterday’s ezine, the basic premise has caught my attention, and so I want to continue my thoughts on the topic here. My sense is that, as leaders, it can be an extremely valuable exercise to give some thought to your m.o. — your “modus operandi”, the way you operate in the world. If “the way you do anything is the way you do everything”, then my sense is that you need to know the way you do things, so that you can be conscious enough to change what doesn’t serve your life as a whole. Definitely something to think about it.
How do you do things? It’s a question worth holding.
Not a subscriber to my weekly ezine, LAUNCH? Become one by surfing on over to www.stellarcc.com and sign up in the bottom left-hand corner. And feel free to share your thoughts on this blog post and others — I love to keep the leadership dialogue rolling!
Gratitude & Leadership
An attitude of gratitude. This phrase was first coined by Oprah (I believe) a few years back. Since then, it’s caught on like wildfire, particularly within the self-improvement demographic. Why? Because there’s a realization that when you want something to shift, change or improve, the place to begin is by focusing on what’s right and working, rather than what isn’t. Gratitude facilitates this process.
As a leader, you are charged (either by yourself or by those around you) with the responsibility of implementing change. It might not be big change, but CHANGE is the domain of leadership. Even when things around you are going extremely well, there are always things to tweak, augment, or modify in some way, if only because the world itself is always changing. As a leader your job is to stay aware of the changes that are happening in the world, so that you can implement the changes needed in your smaller microcosm of the world. Make sense?
Sometimes, implementing change can seem daunting and down-right difficult. Where do you start? What do you focus on? Who do you work with? Why do you do this? All of these questions and a myriad of others can lead you to a place of spinning your wheels at the very least, and sometimes even to feeling completely and utterly stuck. In those moments, looking to gratitude is what will get you moving again.
Gratitude does not in anyway have to be grandiose. In fact, the very premise of an “attitude of gratitude” is that you put your attention on the simple: gratitude for the opportunity to lead, gratitude for the gift of a new day, gratitude for that morning cup of coffee, gratitude for the silence in the middle of the night, gratitude for the laundry being done. Some of these might seem like mundane things; why express gratitude for clean laundry? And yet, can you imagine not having clean laundry? Having to go to work in a shirt with coffee stains? Being grateful — and expressing your gratitude — for all things, no matter how simple, keeps your focus on the good, thereby allowing you to facilitate change in a good way. Your brain is in a “this is working” state. Which means you can keep things working. You can find a way.
Bottom-line: the expression of gratitude is a wonderful anchor. It facilitates all sorts of good things. As a leader, no matter who you’re leading or what changes you’re facilitating, standing in an attitude of gratitude can help you in your leadership journey. Whatever challenge you’re facing in this moment, I invite you to stop and reflect: what are you grateful for?
The Winds of Change
Today’s blog post is going to be a little different. You see, I’m going to be implementing some changes to my entire business in the coming weeks and months, and this blog will definitely fall into what gets revamped. What I’d like to do today is just share a few of the other changes that you can expect to see. While some of these ideas are still in germination form, they are evolving fast — like REALLY fast! — and I truly am tickled pink!
First, my ezine which began 8 years ago as a quarterly publication, eventually became bi-monthly and is currently sent out monthly; well, it will finally become a weekly publication beginning sometime in the next few weeks. Why? Because it’s time. I’ve been moving in this direction for a while — as in, I’ve been feeling called to publish the ezine weekly and have always held myself back. Well, that stops now. It’s time for it to be a weekly ezine and so, weekly it shall be. It actually excites me, to be honest!
In light of that particular change, these blog posts will move to two or three times per week instead of daily. I’m leaning towards twice a week, however, will meditate on that just a bit more before determining which course would be wisest. If you’ve got a suggestion on the frequency of blogging, I’d be happy to hear your thoughts.
Additionally, my whole coaching program will be undergoing a change. While I’m not yet crystal-clear on how it will look or roll out, what I know for sure is that there will be more programs for you to access, more options in terms of coaching and more of a global presence for the products and services overall. Stay tuned as these things come into being!
Finally, in order to make all of this reality, I know I’m going to need the help of a dedicated team of assistants. So, I will in fact be hiring assistants in the coming months. First step is to clarify their roles and how we will all work together. Once I have my team on board I will definitely introduce them to you also!
All of these changes revolve around the central idea of me taking my place on the world stage, playing a much bigger game than I’ve been playing, with a view to having the impact on the world that I know I’m meant to have. What I know for sure is that my fundamental message — the message that life is meant to be lived with ease, that the path of ease can be found even in the midst of hardship, and that you really can have it all through the power of conscious choice — is meant to be heard world-wide. I don’t think I’ve been playing small up until this point — and it’s time for me to play even bigger. Really, it’s time for me to play the biggest game I possibly can. And that’s what I’m going to step into.
With this in mind, and with all of the changes that are afoot, I have a request. Please help me spread the word. Invite others to subscribe to this blog post and indeed to the (weekly!) ezine. Both can be done by going to my website, www.stellarcc.com and signing up in the appropriate boxes. Listen in to my weekly radio show, Your Life, Your Way on 106.9, the X — which you can access by going to www.1069fm.ca and clicking the “listen live” tab on Sundays at 4:30 pm EST — and invite your circle of friends, family and colleagues to do the same. When you or others are looking for workshops, keynotes or other presentations for your events, contact me. My range of topics is perfect for both personal and professional development, and my signature keynote “Mastering Life — The Ultimate Balancing Act” is sure to inspire participants to achieve fulfillment like they never thought possible.
Bottom-line: the winds of change are blowing, I’m adjusting my sails, and inviting you to join me for the ride. I know that with your help it’s going to be a great one! So thanks in advance for your support 
Time to Roll With the Punches
As I was working with a client yesterday, one of the challenges that arose during our session was the realization that she’s at a point in her life that requires her to let go of something. Not too surprising; it happens. The challenge that arose for her, as she explored the topic at hand, was that she began with an unwillingness to look at what exactly it was that she needed to let go — she was fearful of what that specific thing might be. As I challenged her to look deeper, she came to the realization that her fear was around letting go of a particular role that she has held for over two decades, in this case, the role of “mother.” The role itself, however, doesn’t matter; the point is that she couldn’t bring herself to look at the possibility that she might have to abdicate the throne so-to-speak. After all, this was a role that she had held and identified with for the better part of her life. It’s scary to let go of a cherished role, particularly when you take it on as part of your identity. So, what was she to do, if in fact that was the “thing” that was begging to be released?
Before I share the eventual realization that she had, I want to share that I have an awareness that this applies to everyone at some point during the course of life. And it is as relevant to those in leadership positions, as it is to everyday relationships. As the years pass, you will encounter times where you need to let go of responsibility in order to take on new responsibilities, and release yourself from a role or two. Whether you’re talking professionally — letting go of leadership or career roles — or personally as in the case of my client, it’s bound to happen. After all, it’s part of the process of growth and evolution; these processes involve letting go. When it comes to roles, however, letting go can be challenging because, as I said earlier, there can be a sense that you’re giving up who you actually are. So let me offer a perspective change — the change that my client eventually got to: what if you don’t have to abdicate the role so much, as change the way you fulfill the role? Even if you will have to vacate the position eventually (which I don’t think applies to “motherhood” — I think once you become a mother you remain a mother forever), there is always a time of transition that precedes the actual leaving — and this transition time is your opportunity to shift how you show up in that position. What becomes possible, what opens up, when you can allow yourself to shift slowly rather than let go altogether?
As you move through various aspects of your life, the degree to which you succeed in whatever it is you’ve taken on is largely dependent on how you fulfill the role you’re in. Moreover, how you fulfill the role will need to evolve over time, by virtue of the fact that the human condition is constantly changing. Whether personally or professionally, you need to stay alert to what is needed by those who depend on you to fulfill your role, and shift how you show up accordingly.
Bottom-line: if you want to be able to hold onto your role for as long as possible, and in a way that truly serves, you’ve got to be able to roll with the punches, shift and evolve, so that you’re meeting the ever-changing needs that your role is required to meet. Change, adaptability, evolution. These are essential to your growth as a leader, as a person.
Gratitude Never Grows Old
So, this past weekend was Thanksgiving for those of us in Canada. And I’ve got to tell you, I love thanksgiving celebrations. Everything from getting together with family and friends,sharing bountiful meals, and fall weather, be it beautiful and balmy (which it was!) or crisp and cool — heck, even rain has a certain cozy-quality that it evokes for me. Then of course there’s beautiful fall foliage — bright reds, oranges, yellows that just aren’t to be seen during other seasons — corn mazes to be explored, harvest fruits and veggies to be gathered. Bottom-line, the whole thanksgiving experience is one which I absolutely savour.
At the very heart of the holiday, beyond all the trappings and trimmings, is the thing that I love the most — the giving of thanks. Years ago the notion of adopting an “attitude of gratitude” was put forth as a means of experiencing happiness, no matter what your external circumstance. This idea is based on the premise that gratitude can come first, rather than the circumstance you’re hoping for. So often, we believe that it has to be the opposite; once we get the “thing” — whatever it might be — then we can be happy. An attitude of gratitude, however, has us stand in thankfulness for what is, rather than hoping for what isn’t yet, and then continue to be grateful as circumstances evolve, however that might look.
What I tend to notice is this: when I choose to stand in gratitude, my focus shifts from whatever isn’t working, whatever isn’t present, whatever isn’t perfect, to all that is great. I can actually feel my heart grow lighter, my mind clear, the space around and within me expand, creating room for more. It’s purely energetic, I know. And it’s profound and awesome at the same time. All the time. Pure magic. Little things take on big meaning; big things find their true place in the grand scheme of things. It’s like everything falls into place.
So, all of this leads me to issue an invitation — for the next month, begin and end your day with gratitude. Make a list, writing things down for which you are grateful; or keep a gratitude jar, filling it with stones or shells representative of each and every thing for which you express thanks. Watch your list grow, or your jar fill. And simultaneously, feel your life get better, in whatever way, shape or form that happens. Trust me; it will.
Committed: Are You? Or Do You Need to Be?
As you may or may not know, I set an objective a while ago, given that this is a milestone birthday year for me. The objective is around running, and has crystalized into running a 10 km sometime this year. Originally, my thought was to run a 10 km this fall. I’ve been toying with the idea, however, of pushing the run date to the spring. Which I find very interesting. Why? Because I’m not 100% sure why I’m wanting to postpone it.
If I take a step back and examine the question at hand, I realize a couple of truths. First, I’ve found it beyond challenging to establish a consistent training regiment. I’m getting some training in — and it doesn’t feel consistent enough in any way. While I’m not aiming for a particular time for the run, it would be nice to have enough training under my belt to finish in a decent amount of time (under 75 minutes would be great!!) Second, I know that I always do better when I’m running with someone — and I just haven’t been able to actually find someone to run with. I think I’ve maybe found a running partner in my neighbour — she’s definitely interested — but getting our schedules to coordinate is another matter. It’s like everywhere I turn, there’s another challenge to consider. Which brings me to the consideration of my title question: how committed am I to the idea of running? And why? What will it serve?
I know that I love the idea of being able to say that I ran a 10 km as a means of celebrating this milestone birthday. In addition to being a real marker in that way, it would also allow me to bust a story I’ve got going that I’m not capable of running that distance (so not true, and I’d love to be able to have the concrete evidence). I’m also discovering that when I run, no matter how far, I do feel better physically, emotionally, mentally. There’s a way in which running provides an outlet for all sorts of stuff, clearing my head, creating space for health and new thoughts. It’s a good thing.
Knowing all of this, am I truly committed? Or do I need to be committed? I’m thinking “no” to the latter — even if my thought process leads me to the conclusion that I’m not entirely committed to this run (and I haven’t reached that conclusion yet!), being committed doesn’t seem like a necessary course of action. As I sit with this question, here’s what I’m realizing: I’m totally committed to doing a run; and I’m not as attached to doing the run this fall. I actually could leave it until spring, and I’d be okay with that. Which leads me to a new question: what do I want to commit to? And then, what will it take — how will I choose to be — as I move to honour that commitment?
I’ll keep you posted as this evolves for me. And in the meantime, I want to invite you to consider similar questions related to whatever you’re undertaking in your life right now? How committed are you to whatever that endeavour is? And how will you need to be in order to honour that commitment? Feel free to share your thoughts! I always love hearing what you have to say.
An Anchor? Or a Dead Weight?
Today’s blog entry feels like it’s going to be a metaphor-filled one. Not a bad thing — I just can’t let go of the nautical visual.
When it comes to living life on your terms, my personal perspective is that having an anchoring belief can serve you really well. After all, the business of living life really can feel like being on a storm-tossed sea at times. And knowing that you’ve got a solid anchor keeping you safe — keeping you from drifting too far out — can be reassuring to say the least. That being said, I’m getting curious about the difference between an anchor and a dead weight. Both are heavy, both will keep you from drifting, both will prevent you from venturing too far. The former, however, feels like it serves in some way; the latter, feels like it holds you back, right? So this has me asking: are your anchoring thoughts really anchoring? Or are they holding you back, stopping you from moving forward?
I guess what I’m realizing is that an anchor can actually be both. Given it’s weight, an anchor can absolutely hold you back, keep you from moving to calmer seas as it were. In light of this, the important thing isn’t the anchor so much (at least not in this moment); the important thing is being certain that the sea you’re anchored in is actually the sea that you want to be in. If it’s not — if you’re floating along in a sea of negativity and lack — then it may be time to cut your ties with the anchor that has you stuck. In the context of life, such an anchor is most likely a limiting belief, a paralyzing thought. Letting go of this thought or belief is what will allow you to move to another sea altogether — a calmer, bluer, clearer sea. And once you’ve found a new sea, you can anchor yourself with a new thought.
So I guess this leaves me asking the following questions, both of you and of myself: what sea are you anchored in? How’s that working for you? And if it’s not working the way you want, how willing are you to release the anchor-turned-dead-weight and find a new anchor? What I know for sure is that sometimes, you’ve got to let go of an old anchor before you can sail a new sea.
The Amazing Power of Mantras
I discovered the amazing power of mantras a number of years ago. Nevertheless, I continue to be amazed by how effectively things can change when one uses a mantra or two.
For those who don’t know, a mantra is a simple phrase that is repeated, with a view to bringing something about, usually a change. Definitively, the use of mantras typically arises out of some eastern religions, such as Hinduism, and mantras in this context have a prayerful quality. As I understand it, when one uses a mantra, one is striving to change one’s focus in order to experience something new.
My first really powerful experience of mantra use happened almost a decade ago, when my son (who was just over 3 at the time) had been dealing with asthma for several years. His diagnosis seemed to come out of nowhere for me, and it troubled me that he had to take puffers and inhalers virtually non-stop. Then I came across Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, a resource designed specifically to support people in effectively changing physical ailments, using mantras as a tool. What I learned from her book was that childhood asthma arises when a child feels unwanted, unloved. After dealing with my astonishment and associated mommy-guilt in considering this possibility, I started articulating the corresponding mantra several times each day. Within a short time frame, my son’s asthma disappeared. Now, at the age of 10 1/2, he only deals with asthmatic symptoms when he has a nasty cold — once every couple of years, in other words. Mind-boggling and astonishing, that was my first powerful experience of using a mantra.
Then, yesterday I got hit out of the blue with what felt like a sinus infection. Let me tell you, it HURT! I’m not a fan of taking pharmaceuticals, if I can help it. If I have no recourse, I’ll do it; but I’d rather explore alternatives if I can. So, I did two things yesterday. I took a friend up on her offer to send me some healing Reiki energy, and I sought out my Louise Hay book. Her book stated that sinus problems arise when one is feeling at odds with someone else, someone close. I couldn’t put my finger on who that might be, but I looked at the mantra anyway which read, “I declare peace and harmony indwell and surround me at all times. All is well.” Well, I puttered through my day, and felt the pain getting worse and worse. Finally, in the late evening I gave in and took a tylenol tablet. Then I settled down and started reciting the mantra, knowing that the acetaminophen’s effectiveness would only last for 6 hours max. I went to bed, and awoke around 3 a.m. — the sinus pain was gone, and has stayed GONE ever since. That’s right, I’m sitting here typing with only the slightest bit of a headache, and no sinus pain whatsoever. Was it the Reiki? The mantras? Both? My sense is that it was both in combination. And while the pharmaceutical took the edge off, what I know for sure is that it didn’t get rid of it.
Bottom-line for me is this: when you can affirm a change verbally with a view to bringing that change into your reality, anyway you look at it, it’s a good thing. Mantras are a good thing. That’s all I’ve got to say.
Don’t Just Stand There…
…bust a move…actually, bust a pattern. It seems as though this is my theme for the week. Pattern-busting. And it’s an interesting paradox of challenge and ease all at the same time. Which, as a person who subscribes to the basic premise that life is meant to be lived with ease, poses some interesting opportunites right off the hop
I know as well as anyone else that you cannot do what you’ve always done and expect to get different results. It’s just not a reasonable expectation. If you want something to be different, you’ve got to take a different approach. I also know that the if you want to break a pattern you’ve simply got to make up your mind to do so. I believe this with all my heart: decide to do things differently, and you will do things differently.
What I’m realizing is the importance of the “with all my heart” piece; if you (or I) really want to break a pattern and replace it with a new one, we have to decide that’s what we want, and moreover we have to commit to it fiercely so that when the default patterns get set to do what they’ve always done, our commitment will over-ride the patterning. In other words, a wishy-washy decision won’t cut it. It has to be one that is rooted in fierce commitment.
So, what patterns are you looking to change? Doesn’t matter if they’re big or little, hugely life-altering or moderately life-enhancing. Whatever the pattern is, how committed are you to changing it? If your answer is anything less than 100%, you’ve got some explainin’ to do, my friend. Actually, forget the explainin’ and start explorin’. What’s stopping you from being 100% committed? What fears to do you need to address? What issues do you need to resolve? What’s it going to take for you to fully commit to busting whatever pattern you’ve identified as a block to the life you want?
Here’s the other thing I’m playing with. What if I actually don’t have to figure all that stuff out in order to be 100% committed? What if I can trick my brain into believing that I’m 100% committed? I think there’s a way. It’s called: using affirmations. In other words, if I create an affirmation that I recite repeatedly, to the effect that “I am 100% committed to changing x”, my subconscious will believe it. And then I’ll be able to bust my pattern without wasting time.
Bottom-line: I am 100% committed to busting patterns that don’t serve me, in a most expedient way. Starting now. Will you join me?
Are You Sure That’s What You Want?
I recently acquired a meditation/manifestation CD from a friend. Truthfully, I’m loving it. I find that having a person’s voice guide me through a meditation works well for me. Being the novice meditator that I am, I’m less likely to get distracted when I can follow something specific.
Anyway, right at the outset of the CD, listeners are invited to contemplate what it is they’re wanting in their life. “What would your ideal situation be?” is the question I am asked, and I know the answer beyond a shadow of a doubt. The next question is this…wait for it…”If you could have your ideal right now, would you take it?” At first this question stumped me. Why the heck are you asking me that? Of course, I’d take it! And then I realized that this is really the ultimate question! Because if your answer is anything other than a resounding, unequivocal “yes”, then it doesn’t matter what the heck you’re trying to bring into your life, it just won’t show up!
So many people I know say that they’re after something specific: wealth, joy, happiness, companionship, peace, balance. In fact, I’m willing to wager that there’s something you’re striving for right now, some dream that you’d tell me about if I asked. And yet I have my suspicions that in your heart-of-hearts, although you say they want “x”, if it were given to you right here and now, you actually wouldn’t take it. Why not? Well, I can only guess. And my guess is that underneath the desire, behind the curtain of longing, there’s an awareness that having this “x” show up would mean that life would be different from what’s familiar.
I can just hear the collective, “Well, duh!” And I’ve got to say, I’m not trying to be faecitious here. Instead, I’m pointing to the fact that at a subconscious level, we all love the familiar. Even when the familiar isn’t exactly enjoyable, it’s predictable and erego comfortable. To have it change, even for the better, means having to adjust how you are in the world. It means having to find a new orientation. And for some people, that’s just too much work.
So ask yourself, whatever it is you’re aiming for right now, are you willing to adjust your orientation to the world around you in order to have it? Are you willing to change in whatever way is necessary? Are you willing to let some people go, be with new people, perhaps change your location? Because when you’re asked whether or not you’d take your dream on a platter right now, what you’re really being asked is “are you willing to shift your life in accordance with that dream?” If your answer is yes, great! And if your answer is anything else, it’s time to stop and get really clear on what you are willing to do. Bottom-line: until you are willing to say a resounding, crystal-clear yes to your dream, it won’t show up. I guarantee it.