Excuse Me, But Do I Know You?
I’m sitting here this morning, typing this blog post and finding myself wondering about something that, admittedly, I’ve wondered about a fair bit in the last few months. In really general terms, the topic which has my mind so preoccupied much of the time (although not all of the time) is that of technology and it’s ever-evolving role in our world. On the surface, the emergence of various technological tools and mediums seems like progress; today, you can easily correspond and connect with someone on the other side of the world in a matter of seconds, using various internet tools such as skype, twitter or just standard email. Just a few decades ago, such instant connection was impossible. Provided the basic technology is present, no matter where you are in 2010, you are pretty much guaranteed to be able to connect with the outside world. Which means — or at least seems to mean — that we are a highly connected world. But this is where I question what others might find logical.
You see, while it looks like we have the means to be connected in ways never-before possible, what I know for sure is that this technologically-based way of connecting has a superficiality about it. When your only means of interacting with the outside world is through typing, texting or even chatting via phone, as a human being you are missing the very important — and I would argue essential — element of physical connection. Being able to see another person, experience their energy first-hand, give them a hug, shake their hand — these are not mere enhancements to communication and the human experience. Instead, they are integral components of said experience.
Now, I know, many of you would argue that you’re still in physical contact with some of the world at large. Furthermore, new technological advances are allowing you and I to interact in an immediate way with populations that would never have been possible even 30 years ago. I get it. My concern — or at least my question — however, is to what degree is this new technology impacting real human relationships? What I witness out there in the world is that techno-based communication isn’t limited to work-exchanges. Instead, texting, emailing, etc; are equally present in personal relationships. So what arises for me is the following curiousity: when you’ve spent the better part of your day involved in text and email exchanges with someone, is that level of connection as meaningful as even an hour’s worth of face-to-face interaction?
I guess what it comes down to for me is this: I see us living in a world where the illusion of being perpetually connected has people — you, me, the neighbors — ignoring some of the essentials of the human connecting experience. Handshakes, smiles (real, not those expressed with punctuation), hugs, physical presence are all experiences that augment our human connection with one another. My invitation and request of all of us is that we challenge ourselves to stay physically connected, at least with a core group of people. And furthermore, it’s my belief that such connective exchanges be present on a daily basis. Otherwise, despite the number of texts and emails you receive, I would suggest that you’re actually moving into an isolated existence, the exact opposite of a truly connected one.
Dancing on the Line
And what a fine line it is — as in narrow, as opposed to wonderful. Although it could be wonderful. But I digress. I know, you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about. Here’s the deal. AS many of you know, I set myself the goal of running a marathon next year (fall 2010) to be exact. And I’ve decided to tackle this in baby steps. The first of these steps was to enrol in a learn-to-run class at my local gym. I started at the end of March, and the class was 6 weeks in length, which took us to last week. On our last sesssion, we ran 5 km, which was the goal for the class.
Now, admittedly, I did not run the 5km straight. I did stretches of 8 minutes running, interspersed with 2 minutes of walking. Given that I started way back in March with 3 minutes of running and 2 minutes of walking, I figure I’m doing pretty well. One of the things I noticed towards the end of the class is that I definitely prefer to run alongside someone. Having a buddy keeps me motivated, even when I want to stop. And I knew that I was going to have to reach for some internal motivation to keep me going once the class was finished.
Well, until today, I haven’t run at all this week. Interesting eh? And today, having mapped out a 5 km route, I found it REALLY challenging to push myself to do the full 5 km. I’ll confess here and now that I stopped short; I only ran about 4.2 km. Definitely over 4, and not 5. So what’s the fine line? It’s the line between pushing myself to reach a goal, and listening to what my body actually needs. Truthfully, my body wanted to stop around the 2.5 km mark. But I knew I could definitely do more than that! As I neared the 4 km mark, however, the shin splints started to kick in. Years ago, they happened alot. Through this running class, they only happen when I haven’t stretched enough in advance. And I know from past experience that if I push myself to run with the shin splints, I’ll pay BIG TIME for it later.
Now, hear me correctly: I’m not trying to make excuses here. Instead, I’m truly trying to discern the fine line between challenging myself and knowing when to stop. It’s a constant dance for me, figuring out my limits. And truthfully, the limit changes — the line moves — on a regular basis. So what’s my point? I guess I’m feeling and wanting to remind myself (as well as my readers) that in the end it’s imperative for you to determine for yourself, moment-to-moment, day-by-day how far you’re going to push yourself. Where is the line for you today? And how do you know? Because when it comes right down to it, only you get to decide whether what you’re doing is in integrity with your aims, or if you’re selling out. As painful as it may be, sometimes stopping short is the most integrity-filled thing to do. And it’s up to you.
From Should to Could to Will
Let me begin this article by reassuring you that I am not going to attempt to banish any particular word from your vocabulary. I am a firm believer in the idea that all words have a place in which they can be used appropriately. The challenge, as I see it, is that words have incredible power, and oftentimes it is very easy to use a word or combination of words without considering the powerful way in which they land, and the resulting impact that gets created. So really, the next few months are less about eliminating words and more about stretching your usage of them, so that the impact that is created is more in keeping with what you desire.
The first word that I’m going to invite you to play with is the word “should”. How often do you hear yourself or others talk about what “should” be said/done/accomplished? “I SHOULD go to the gym”; “You SHOULD eat more fruits and veggies”, “We SHOULD try that new restaurant”. This is a word that is very much overused in our society, in my humble opinion. This results in so many of us walking around as if we’re carrying the burdens of the world on our back. In using the word “should” indiscriminately, you create an extremely heavy load to bear!
Before exploring alternative words that may suit your circumstances more appropriately, let’s note that the word “should” is a “used to express moral obligation, necessity, etc;” according to the New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language. Now, when you use the word should on a daily basis, are you really attempting to convey a moral obligation? Or even a necessity? And if so, are you certain that it’s an obligation or necessity according to what you’re striving for? Or is this an old rule or paradigm that is being imposed on your life by someone else, or that you’re imposing on someone else’s life? Do you see where I’m pointing you? It’s my belief that more often than not, when you use the word should, you’re imposing a set of beliefs — obligations, necessities — into a situation that doesn’t necessarily call for it. More importantly, too often, you use the word “should” and stop the conversation from moving any further. And so this obligation hangs over your head like a looming threat. So how do you address this challenge? By moving through the “should” as quickly as possible. Here’s what I mean.
Let’s say that, in the context of the life you’re creating, you’ve identified a very real necessity to exercise more. This translates into the statement “I should go to the gym”. Great. You’ve named the necessity. The question now becomes, what will you do? Naming the necessity or obligation is not enough to really motivate you to change your story. It may start you moving in a new direction, but until you shift from the place of obligation to the place of choice, you will feel burdened, and at some point you will likely rebel. So, once you’ve identified that you “should go to the gym” and that you “want to, because it will benefit your health” your new statement becomes any one of “I could go to the gym” (you’ve got an option), “I can go to the gym” (you’re capable of it, you’ve got the opportunity), to finally “I will go to the gym” (I’m committed to this course of action — it’s not obligatory, it’s what I want). Can you feel the energetic shift?
Some of you may argue that we’re really talking about semantics here. And I agree with you. The semantics in this case, however, are important. It’s the subtle, energetic differences in language that determine the quality of the story you’re creating for yourself. In the case of “should” — do you want to create a story rife with obligation and necessity? Or do you want a story filled with possibility and commitment? I assert that the latter is what you’re really going for. And if I’m wrong, then stick with you’re shoulds. Remember, this isn’t about eliminating words from your vocabulary — it’s about making sure you’re using the words that are right and true for you.
Bottom-line: the word “should” carries with it a weight that can drag you and your life’s story down. One way to shift the energy is to move as quickly as possible from should to could/can or would/will. In doing this, your story changes to one of possibility and commitment, and your burden gets lifted. And let’s face it, with all that goes on in each of our lives, we can all use a little less burden on our shoulders.
What Stops You From Re-charging?
Let me begin by saying that these thoughts aren’t entirely my own. Instead, I was absolutely inspired by the message at church this week, particularly in the context of the children’s message (let’s face it, I’m a kid at heart). The minister picked up his cell phone and showed it to the kids, then proceeded to talk about the myriad of uses and applications available to him and how he finds it a useful tool most of the time. He then shared with the children the fact that sometimes the darn thing doesn’t work — it runs out of power — and he noted that, while it’s tempting to throw it out, in actual fact all the phone needs is to be recharged. His exact words were, “there’s nothing wrong with the phone, it just needs to recharge”. The parallel to our daily lives wasn’t lost on me.
How often do you find yourself in a position where you feel like things just aren’t working anymore? It’s hard to think, hard to focus, you’re making mistake after mistake, your body feels unwell, etc;. While you may be tempted to throw in the towel — quit your job, take some meds — how might it serve you to “recharge” instead? And what would recharging look like for you? Given the hectic pace of the society we live in, I assert that downtime, quiet time, recharge time feels elusive, and so it behooves each of us to make it happen of our own volition. It really is important to carve out time and space — daily time and space — to just be and let your body restore itself. And this is about more than daily sleep. This is about awake time, where you’re doing NOTHING. Just recharging. It may seem like a novel indulgence. And I assert that it’s an ancient necessity that’s gotten lost along the way. It’s time to find it and reclaim it. And that’s exactly what I challenge you to do.
