Gratitude & Leadership

An attitude of gratitude.  This phrase was first coined by Oprah (I believe) a few years back.  Since then, it’s caught on like wildfire, particularly within the self-improvement demographic.  Why?   Because there’s a realization that when you want something to shift, change or improve, the place to begin is by focusing on what’s right and working, rather than what isn’t.  Gratitude facilitates this process.

As a leader, you are charged (either by yourself or by those around you) with the responsibility of implementing change.  It might not be big change, but CHANGE is the domain of leadership.  Even when things around you are going extremely well, there are always things to tweak, augment, or modify in some way, if only because the world itself is always changing.  As a leader your job is to stay aware of the changes that are happening in the world, so that you can implement the changes needed in your smaller microcosm of the world.  Make sense?

Sometimes, implementing change can seem daunting and down-right difficult.  Where do you start?  What do you focus on?  Who do you work with?  Why do you do this?  All of these questions and a myriad of others can lead you to a place of spinning your wheels at the very least, and sometimes even to feeling completely and utterly stuck.  In those moments, looking to gratitude is what will get you moving again.

Gratitude does not in anyway have to be grandiose.  In fact, the very premise of an “attitude of gratitude” is that you put your attention on the simple:  gratitude for the opportunity to lead, gratitude for the gift of a new day, gratitude for that morning cup of coffee, gratitude for the silence in the middle of the night, gratitude for the laundry being done.  Some of these might seem like mundane things; why express gratitude for clean laundry?  And yet, can you imagine not having clean laundry?  Having to go to work in a shirt with coffee stains?  Being grateful — and expressing your gratitude — for all things, no matter how simple, keeps your focus on the good, thereby allowing you to facilitate change in a good way.  Your brain is in a “this is working” state.  Which means you can keep things working.  You can find a way.

Bottom-line:  the expression of gratitude is a wonderful anchor.  It facilitates all sorts of good things.  As a leader, no matter who you’re leading or what changes you’re facilitating, standing in an attitude of gratitude can help you in your leadership journey.  Whatever challenge you’re facing in this moment, I invite you to stop and reflect:  what are you grateful for?

Humility: It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

“…excessive pride is a familiar sin, but a (person) may just as easily frustrate the will of God through excessive humility.”  ~Ken Follett

I want you to take a minute and re-read the above quote.  In the event that God-language offends you in any way, feel free to replace it with whatever works for you — universe, higher power, higher self — you pick.  And now think about what this quote is saying.  It’s from the book Pillars of the Earth, and the upshot of it is that so often people shy away from pride and arrogance, knowing that these qualities can trip you up on your path to success.  There’s no doubt about it; too much pride can blind you and doom your plans to failure every time.

The challenge is that, in an effort to avoid the crime of pride or arrogance, you very likely swing the pendulum too far and stand in a place of too much humility.  Don’t believe me?  Answer me this:  what are your strengths?  What are you good at?  What gifts do you bring to the world?  What are your inherent talents?  In working with clients for almost a decade now, I know that questions of this sort often elicit blank stares or the ever-popular “I don’t know.”  My guess is the same is true for you.  You may acknowledge your strengths quietly to yourself, but there’s no way you’re going to “toot your own horn” to the world, right?  That would be wrong, right?

Well here’s the thing; there’s actually a pretty fine line between owning your strengths — acknowledging the gifts and talents you’re meant to bring to the world — and walking around with excessive pride.  Because the world at large teaches you the dangers of arrogance without teaching the virtues of confidence (and that is what we’re talking about here) you very likely feel challenged to confidently step into and acknowledge what you’re good at.  And until or unless you can do this, there’s no way you can live up to your full potential and accomplish whatever it is you’re meant to accomplish.

So, here’s my challenge to you:  today, right here, right now, acknowledge your strengths, gifts and talents.  Not in a whisper to yourself, but out loud, to the world.  Write these on a piece of paper and post it on your fridge.  Call up a colleague or two and tell them — confidently, not arrogantly — what you believe your strengths are.  Start living your talents confidently and watch how the way you show up in the world changes.  Notice how your impact in the world changes.  Notice what you can accomplish when you step right up to the line that separates confidence from arrogance.

Bottom-line:  if you want to accomplish great things, you’ve got to know what you’re great at.  Don’t let excessive humility be your downfall.  Whatever you’re great at, own it.  Leadership requires confidence, not humility.

Walking to the Edge

“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have

And step into the darkness of the unknown

Believe that one of the two will happen to you

Either you’ll find something solid to stand on

Or you’ll be taught how to fly!”

~Richard Bach

I woke up this morning wondering about “edges.”  Not sure why.  And the question really was around what they are — as in, what are the edges from which I’m holding myself back?  And what would happen if I pushed myself towards them, just a bit more?  This curiousity prompted me to do a google search about “edges” — which led to me finding the above quote by Bach.

I’ll confess:  I’ve never read Jonathan Livingston Seagull — and I understand that Bach is the author of said book.  I believe it’s a classic, and yet, I don’t really feel a call to read it — at least not yet.  I do feel a call in this moment to explore the edges of my world a bit.  To figure out what the edges are, and to get really close to them — if only to find out what’s out beyond them.

Now, I don’t think I’m completely unaware of the edges.  I don’t feel like I’m playing it altogether safe in my world.  And, I do have a sense that perhaps I’m playing it safer than I need to be.  I may well be closer to the edge than some, and I could go closer still — this is what I’m feeling in my core.

My sense is that moving to the edges of your life, whatever those edges might be, challenges you to be ever-so-slightly uncomfortable in your own skin.  And this sort of discomfort, I believe, is what will allow you to grow into all you’re meant to be, do all you’re meant to do.  So how do I move closer to the edge?  Believe it or not, I’ve actually got a physical experience of this — a couple of years ago I did a high-ropes course that required me to walk right to the edge of a very narrow plank — and jump off!  The plank was about 30 feet up in the air.  And while I was totally secured with ropes and harness, as I was walking, there was a very deliberate act of will that was required on my part.  There was one member of my group who was able to walk as naturally as if the plank was on the ground.  For me, I had to take one deliberate step at a time, reminding myself that I was held and safe, and then when I got to the edge, I chose to leap towards a trapeze (as opposed to into “nothing”).  So if I apply this learning to my current question of “how do I walk to the edge”, here’s what I extrapolate:

1. walk deliberately
2. one step at a time
3. remember that you’re actually safe
4. know that even when you can’t see what’s there, you’re jumping towards something
5. keep your focus — whether on the edge, or your feet, or what’s next — keep your focus

The edge is not a bad place to explore, when you know you’re held and supported.  Going to the edge is what will allow you to experience all of your life.  Going to the edge doesn’t have to be dangerous — and it will stretch you.  Find your way to the edge.  My sense is that it might even be fun.

What Can’t You Be With?

A couple of days ago, I was faced with the challenge of naming the thing or circumstance that I can’t be with.  I realized fairly quickly that there are two things I can’t be with:  lack of compassion, and injustice.  Now admittedly, both of these circumstances are subject to interpretation; what I experience as unjust may seem totally fair to someone else, I get it.  That doesn’t change the fact that, for me, when I’m faced with something that I experience as unjust, or when I am in the presence of someone who appears to be lacking in compassion, I bristle — and I want to turn tail and run.

So, for the past couple of days since that realization, I’ve been exploring how this circumstance, the circumstance of “can’t be with x” inhibits or otherwise holds me back from being all that I can.  The question merits more consideration, however for now, what I’ve come to realize is that my inability to be with these things — injustice and lack of compassion — places me in the position of being unjust and lacking in compassion myself (at times, not always).  There’s a way, when I witness someone behaving without compassion, that I boil over with anger, without taking the time to try to understand where he or she is coming from.  It’s a knee-jerk sort-of response.  Particularly when the perceived lack of compassion that I’m witnessing is directed at some member of a marginalized group of society.  A similar emotion gets triggered when I witness injustice.  And in either case, it makes me less of who I want to be and how I want to show up.

I guess what I’m wondering about is this:  is this the case for everyone?  When you find yourself in a situation, faced with something that you just can’t be with, do you become less than you could be?  Do you shrink in any way?  Or do you become “more” in some way, but still not ideal?  Or have you found a way to acknowledge the trigger, and still be your very best self?  My sense is that there is a way, and that I’m on the path to relearning what that is.

Bottom-line:  I believe it’s important for each of us to know what it is that we can’t be with.  Once you know that, then you can work at honing your ability to begin to be with that very thing, so that you can be the best of you in all situations.  Because whatever it is that you can’t be with, I guarantee you that it’ll keep coming up.  It’s the nature of the human experience.  Those are my thoughts for this moment.  On to be with the world at large.

Excuse Me, But Do I Know You?

I’m sitting here this morning, typing this blog post and finding myself wondering about something that, admittedly, I’ve wondered about a fair bit in the last few months.  In really general terms, the topic which has my mind so preoccupied much of the time (although not all of the time) is that of technology and it’s ever-evolving role in our world.  On the surface, the emergence of various technological tools and mediums seems like progress; today, you can easily correspond and connect with someone on the other side of the world in a matter of seconds, using various internet tools such as skype, twitter or just standard email.  Just a few decades ago, such instant connection was impossible.  Provided the basic technology is present, no matter where you are in 2010, you are pretty much guaranteed to be able to connect with the outside world.   Which means — or at least seems to mean — that we are a highly connected world.  But this is where I question what others might find logical.

You see, while it looks like we have the means to be connected in ways never-before possible, what I know for sure is that this technologically-based way of connecting has a superficiality about it.  When your only means of interacting with the outside world is through typing, texting or even chatting via phone, as a human being you are missing the very important — and I would argue essential — element of physical connection.  Being able to see another person, experience their energy first-hand, give them a hug, shake their hand — these are not mere enhancements to communication and the human experience.  Instead, they are integral components of said experience.

Now, I know, many of you would argue that you’re still in physical contact with some of the world at large.  Furthermore, new technological advances are allowing you and I to interact in an immediate way with populations that would never have been possible even 30 years ago.  I get it.  My concern — or at least my question — however, is to what degree is this new technology impacting real human relationships?  What I witness out there in the world is that techno-based communication isn’t limited to work-exchanges.  Instead, texting, emailing, etc; are equally present in personal relationships.  So what arises for me is the following curiousity:  when you’ve spent the better part of your day involved in text and email exchanges with someone, is that level of connection as meaningful as even an hour’s worth of face-to-face interaction?

I guess what it comes down to for me is this:  I see us living in a world where the illusion of being perpetually connected has people — you, me, the neighbors — ignoring some of the essentials of the human connecting experience.  Handshakes, smiles (real, not those expressed with punctuation), hugs, physical presence are all experiences that augment our human connection with one another.  My invitation and request of all of us is that we challenge ourselves to stay physically connected, at least with a core group of people.  And furthermore, it’s my belief that such connective exchanges be present on a daily basis.  Otherwise, despite the number of texts and emails you receive, I would suggest that you’re actually moving into an isolated existence, the exact opposite of a truly connected one.

Dancing on the Line

And what a fine line it is — as in narrow, as opposed to wonderful.  Although it could be wonderful.  But I digress.  I know, you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about.  Here’s the deal.  AS many of you know, I set myself the goal of running a marathon next year (fall 2010) to be exact.  And I’ve decided to tackle this in baby steps.  The first of these steps was to enrol in a learn-to-run class at my local gym.  I started at the end of March, and the class was 6 weeks in length, which took us to last week.  On our last sesssion, we ran 5 km, which was the goal for the class.

Now, admittedly, I did not run the 5km straight.  I did stretches of 8 minutes running, interspersed with 2 minutes of walking.  Given that I started way back in March with 3 minutes of running and 2 minutes of walking, I figure I’m doing pretty well.  One of the things I noticed towards the end of the class is that I definitely prefer to run alongside someone.  Having a buddy keeps me motivated, even when I want to stop.  And I knew that I was going to have to reach for some internal motivation to keep me going once the class was finished.

Well, until today, I haven’t run at all this week.  Interesting eh?  And today, having mapped out a 5 km route, I found it REALLY challenging to push myself to do the full 5 km.  I’ll confess here and now that I stopped short; I only ran about 4.2 km.  Definitely over 4, and not 5.  So what’s the fine line?  It’s the line between pushing myself to reach a goal, and listening to what my body actually needs.  Truthfully, my body wanted to stop around the 2.5 km mark.  But I knew I could definitely do more than that!  As I neared the 4 km mark, however, the shin splints started to kick in.  Years ago, they happened alot. Through this running class, they only happen when I haven’t stretched enough in advance.  And I know from past experience that if I push myself to run with the shin splints, I’ll pay BIG TIME for it later.

Now, hear me correctly: I’m not trying to make excuses here.  Instead, I’m truly trying to discern the fine line between challenging myself and knowing when to stop.  It’s a constant dance for me, figuring out my limits.  And truthfully, the limit changes — the line moves — on a regular basis.  So what’s my point?   I guess I’m feeling and wanting to remind myself (as well as my readers) that in the end it’s imperative for you to determine for yourself, moment-to-moment, day-by-day how far you’re going to push yourself.  Where is the line for you today?  And how do you know?  Because when it comes right down to it, only you get to decide whether what you’re doing is in integrity with your aims, or if you’re selling out.  As painful as it may be, sometimes stopping short is the most integrity-filled thing to do.  And it’s up to you.

From Should to Could to Will

Let me begin this article by reassuring you that I am not going to attempt to banish any particular word from your vocabulary.  I am a firm believer in the idea that all words have a place in which they can be used appropriately.  The challenge, as I see it, is that words have incredible power, and oftentimes it is very easy to use a word or combination of words without considering the powerful way in which they land, and the resulting impact that gets created.  So really, the next few months are less about eliminating words and more about stretching your usage of them, so that the impact that is created is more in keeping with what you desire.

The first word that I’m going to invite you to play with is the word “should”.  How often do you hear yourself or others talk about what “should” be said/done/accomplished?  “I SHOULD go to the gym”; “You SHOULD eat more fruits and veggies”, “We SHOULD try that new restaurant”.  This is a word that is very much overused in our society, in my humble opinion.  This results in so many of us walking around as if we’re carrying the burdens of the world on our back.  In using the word “should” indiscriminately, you create an extremely heavy load to bear!

Before exploring alternative words that may suit your circumstances more appropriately, let’s note that the word “should” is a  “used to express moral obligation, necessity, etc;” according to the New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language.  Now, when you use the word should on a daily basis, are you really attempting to convey a moral obligation?  Or even a necessity?  And if so, are you certain that it’s an obligation or necessity according to what you’re striving for?  Or is this an old rule or paradigm that is being imposed on your life by someone else, or that you’re imposing on someone else’s life?  Do you see where I’m pointing you?  It’s my belief that more often than not, when you use the word should, you’re imposing a set of beliefs — obligations, necessities — into a situation that doesn’t necessarily call for it.  More importantly, too often, you use the word “should” and stop the conversation from moving any further.  And so this obligation hangs over your head like a looming threat.  So how do you address this challenge?  By moving through the “should” as quickly as possible.  Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say that, in the context of the life you’re creating, you’ve identified a very real necessity to exercise more.  This translates into the statement “I should go to the gym”.  Great.  You’ve named the necessity.  The question now becomes, what will you do?  Naming the necessity or obligation is not enough to really motivate you to change your story.  It may start you moving in a new direction, but until you shift from the place of obligation to the place of choice, you will feel burdened, and at some point you will likely rebel.  So, once you’ve identified that you “should go to the gym” and that you “want to, because it will benefit your health”  your new statement becomes any one of “I could go to the gym” (you’ve got an option),  “I can go to the gym” (you’re capable of it, you’ve got the opportunity), to finally “I will go to the gym” (I’m committed to this course of action — it’s not obligatory, it’s what I want).  Can you feel the energetic shift?

Some of you may argue that we’re really talking about semantics here.  And I agree with you.  The semantics in this case, however, are important.  It’s the subtle, energetic differences in language that determine the quality of the story you’re creating for yourself.  In the case of “should” — do you want to create  a story rife with obligation and necessity?  Or do you want a story filled with possibility and commitment?  I assert that the latter is what you’re really going for.  And if I’m wrong, then stick with you’re shoulds.  Remember, this isn’t about eliminating words from your vocabulary — it’s about making sure you’re using the words that are right and true for you.

Bottom-line:  the word “should” carries with it a weight that can drag you and your life’s story down.  One way to shift the energy is to move as quickly as possible from should to could/can or would/will.  In doing this, your story changes to one of possibility and commitment, and your burden gets lifted.  And let’s face it, with all that goes on in each of our lives, we can all use a little less burden on our shoulders.

What Stops You From Re-charging?

Let me begin by saying that these thoughts aren’t entirely my own.  Instead, I was absolutely inspired by the message at church this week, particularly in the context of the children’s message (let’s face it, I’m a kid at heart).  The minister picked up his cell phone and showed it to the kids, then proceeded to talk about the myriad of uses and applications available to him and how he finds it a useful tool most of the time.  He then shared with the children the fact that sometimes the darn thing doesn’t work — it runs out of power — and he noted that, while it’s tempting to throw it out, in actual fact all the phone needs is to be recharged.  His exact words were, “there’s nothing wrong with the phone, it just needs to recharge”.  The parallel to our daily lives wasn’t lost on me.

How often do you find yourself in a position where you feel like things just aren’t working anymore?  It’s hard to think, hard to focus, you’re making mistake after mistake, your body feels unwell, etc;.  While you may be tempted to throw in the towel — quit your job, take some meds — how might it serve you to “recharge” instead?  And what would recharging look like for you?  Given the hectic pace of the society we live in, I assert that downtime, quiet time, recharge time feels elusive, and so it behooves each of us to make it happen of our own volition.  It really is important to carve out time and space — daily time and space — to just be and let your body restore itself.  And this is about more than daily sleep.  This is about awake time, where you’re doing NOTHING.  Just recharging.  It may seem like a novel indulgence.  And I assert that it’s an ancient necessity that’s gotten lost along the way.  It’s time to find it and reclaim it.  And that’s exactly what I challenge you to do.