Feeling Derailed? It Happens

So, I got some news this morning that I wasn’t at all expecting.  Furthermore, it isn’t the sort of news that I would want to expect.  The specifics really don’t matter, at least not for the purpose of this blog.  What matters is the fact that this unexpected news — the equivalent of a curve ball — has me feeling derailed.  That’s right, derailed, as in thrown off my track.  And so, as any good coach would do, I find myself going to the place of curiousity — curiousity about how to be with derailment.  I mean, when a leader feels derailed, what do you do with that in order to not have “derailed” define you from hereon in?  How do you ensure that “derailed” doesn’t become your permanent state of being?

Well, here’s what I’ve come up with, and I think this list — while probably not exhaustive — is a good start.

1. Let “derailed” be okay, at least for while.  Give yourself permission to feel derailed, and don’t beat yourself up for it.
2. Lean in to your support system.  The people you trust, whether they’re family, friends, colleagues or professionals, find them and share with them.  Don’t try to be in this place completely alone.  Don’t isolate yourself.
3. Give yourself the gift of time.  You’ve been taken off the track for a reason.  Stay off for a while — and notice what’s here in this space.
4. Breathe.  And then breathe again.  Derailment can leave you scared and anxious, and therefore breathing in a shallow sort of way.  So get conscious and breathe deeply.  It’s a stress-reliever you know.
5. Get the facts.  Whatever news you’ve gotten, don’t let your mind make up a story that’s too far-fetched.  There’s a human tendency to get a piece of information and run with it.  Don’t.  Flesh that info out, make sure you’ve got facts, not assumptions.

Once you’ve moved through these 5 steps (and they don’t have to be done in any particular order; in fact, some may be repeated as necessary) start to move back on to the track, whatever that is for you.  It might actually be a slightly different track than you were on originally.  And, the point is to get moving again.  Punctuate your movement with moments of revisiting each of the above steps.  And slowly but surely, my guess is that you’ll be zipping along as required again.

Bottom-line: derailment is bound to happen.  It can be frustrating, scary and confusing — and there are ways to navigate through it with ease.  These 5 steps are a start.  Here’s to the gifts of derailment, and to getting back on track.

Seeing Stars — Without Getting Hit in the Head

Several years ago I read a great quote by Rumi — personally I found it so great that it made it into our Control Freak’s Guide to Living Lightly as the Chapter 6 lead-in:  “Let the waters settle; you will see stars and moon mirrored in your being.”  Everytime I read these words, or recall them as the case might be, I’m instantly transported to a place of stillness within me.  Which is a great thing.

The world in which we live is so fast-paced.  However focused and determined you might be, I can guarantee you that there are a million and one things (more or less) that are calling for your attention, working to distract you from your goal, at any given moment.  It’s for this reason that I find Rumi’s directive so meaningful.

Taking the time to “let the waters settle” is a good thing.  No matter what you’re working on or toward, allowing yourself to step back and breathe ensures that you don’t get so bogged down that you lose sight of what you’re intentions are.  One of my mentors, Karen Kimsey-House gave me a fabulous analogy one day as I was running around trying to get myself grounded; she said essentially said that, whenever you learn something new, engage in a new activity, or start to implement change, it’s like taking your hand, putting it in the  fishbowl of your life and stirring the water around.  It makes a mess and things get murky.  So you have to wait for the water and waves to get still, allowing everything to settle into whatever new formation it takes, so that you can see clearly and THEN take action.

So take a moment — and the weekend is as good a time as any — to sit down, breathe and let everything in your life slowly settle.  It’ll all still be there — an hour from now, tomorrow morning, or even after the weekend — and you’ll be able to see it all clearly and take clear action from there.  Seeing stars and moon — especially mirrored in your being — what a gift.

Fresh Air

Fresh air.  Make sure you get some everyday.  Even if it’s just a 10-minute walk to your car, take advantage of the time you’re outside to breathe in fresh air.  Expand your lungs as you breathe, really feeling the release as you do so.

Breathe

Breathe.  Whenever you feel yourself tensing up, give yourself up to 3 minutes to close your eyes, and breathe.  Visiting the “Breathing Space” on this site is a great way to get started!