What’s Your M.O.?

Yesterday, I published my weekly newsletter, LAUNCH (Leadership that’s Authentic, Uninhibited, Naturally Confident and Happy).  This week’s feature article was titled “How Do You Do Things?”, and the central focus was on a quote that has been sitting uppermost in my mind for the past week or so.  The quote, by T. Harv Eker, is one that my own coach uses frequently, and it has me thinking about my own patterns and practices; it does like this:  “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.”  For some reason, the very thought that I might have patterns that are that pervasive is astounding, curious and slightly troublesome.

You see, T. Harv Eker is basically speaking to the idea that what you do in one area of life is likely replicated in other areas.  So, think for a moment about how you operate in your life.  Do you find yourself picking up the slack at work?  If so, how do you pick up the slack elsewhere in your life, in what other relationships?  Do you leave your house as late as possible to make an appointment, leaving just enough travel time?  If so, when and where else in your life’s circumstances do you procrastinate?  Are you someone who holds a myriad of ideas in your brain while dealing with a single task such as meal preparation?  If so, when else do you multitask?  In short, what’s your general m.o.?

Although I wrote about this topic in yesterday’s ezine, the basic premise has caught my attention, and so I want to continue my thoughts on the topic here.  My sense is that, as leaders, it can be an extremely valuable exercise to give some thought to your m.o. — your “modus operandi”, the way you operate in the world.  If “the way you do anything is the way you do everything”, then my sense is that you need to know the way you do things, so that you can be conscious enough to change what doesn’t serve your life as a whole.  Definitely something to think about it.

How do you do things?  It’s a question worth holding.

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Permission to Practice

We’ve all heard it said, “practice makes perfect.”  Whether you’re learning to play an instrument, taking  on a new job, or figuring out how to develop a spreadsheet, giving yourself time to practice — time to repeat the required skills over and over again — is what leads to mastery.

Years ago, I learned that practice requires one to move through the following stages:  unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, unconscious competence.  In other words, when you start to practice something, whatever it might be, there’s actually a stage at which you are very aware of the mistakes you’re making (conscious incompetence).  During this stage, it is essential to give yourself permission to continue to practice, and more importantly, to be incompetent without judgment, knowing that the current incompetence will pass and give rise to a level of competence after a period of time.  What I’ve noticed is that many people struggle with practicing without judgment.

Admittedly, letting go of the judgment can be challenging.  After all, you’re wanting to move on to the next level, to prove to yourself that you are capable of whatever skill you’re working toward.  What I know for sure, however, is that adding judgment to the equation often just holds you back.  It keeps you in conscious incompetence longer than necessary.

Understand, I’m not suggesting that you pretend you’re competent before you are.  This isn’t about ignoring incompetence.  This is, however, about being aware without making yourself bad, slow or wrong in any way.  It’s about allowing the incompetence to simply be part of the process.  Why?  So that you can truly learn and move on.

So, what is it that you are striving to learn?  What skill are you wanting to add to your toolkit?  How willing are you to practice, practice, practice (aka, get it wrong, get it wrong, get it wrong) before you get it right?  The more willing you are to hang out in the practice space without judgment, to hang out in the practice space with awareness, the quicker you will move to the level of conscious competence and eventually unconscious competence, otherwise known as mastery.

Bottom-line: if mastery is your objective, you need to give yourself permission to simply be aware of where you’re at, knowing that this awareness will propel you forward like nothing else.

How Are You REALLY? — Are You Sure?

“How are you?”  This is a question that is asked hundreds of times a day, in various forms.  And more often than not, the answer of choice is “fine, thanks”, “good, thanks”, or some similar phrase, usually delivered with very little enthusiasm or thought.  Moreover, there are definitely times where the answer “fine, thanks” is clearly not true.  Or, at the very least while it might be true, it doesn’t jive with the energy and vibe being given off.  So I’m sitting in a place of curiousity around this, wondering what it is that stops people from answering truthfully, or at least acknowledging the disconnect between their words and their energy.

Let me give an example.  This morning I called a friend very quickly to confirm plans for our children this weekend.  The moment she answered the phone, I could tell that she wasn’t in her usually cheerful spirits.  Not that she has to be; she’s entitled to feelings other than cheerfulness, especially when the weather is grayish.  That being said, when I questioned how she was, her answer was (in the most flat-lined tone possible) “oh, I’m fine. Nothing wrong at all.”  When I expressed concern about her voice tone (“are you sure?  you don’t sound fine.”) she did acknowledge that the weather was getting her down.  My question is, why couldn’t this have been part of her original answer?  What is it that has people hold back various aspects of the truth, particularly when it pertains to “how they’re doing?”

In an effort to find the answer, I’ve done a little introspection.  While I realize that I may not represent humanity as a whole, I think there may be elements of universal truth in my experience.  So here’s what I know:

-sometimes, I don’t want to share details with the person in question — due to a lack of trust, lack of intimacy, etc;

-sometimes, I haven’t actually taken the time — and don’t want to take the time –  to check in and find out how I am.  Answering with the “expected” answer feels like it’s all I can muster.

-sometimes, I’m distracted.

-sometimes, I’m trying to “fake it till I make it”; in other words, I’m trying to shift my “down-state” into something more upbeat

While all of these rationales may be true at various times for me, I do think that there’s something that gets lost, and something “icky” that gets created in its place, when we don’t take the time and effort to answer truthfully — or to at least acknowledge the discrepancy between our “fine” answer and our “less-than-fine” demeanor.  I wonder what it would take for us to interact with each other and with ourselves truthfully, at all times?  It’s just a curious question that I’m holding.  And while I hold it, I’ll invite you to ask yourself — how are you today?  Are you sure?