Keeping it Real

One of my core values is authenticity. Those of you who know me personally or who have been following me for any length of time will likely not find this surprising. Personally, I think authenticity is essential to building trust and being in strong relationships, personal or professional.

Recently, I ran into a bit of a glitch around the whole authenticity thing. You see, I’m learning to love the world of social media. I find it a great realm in which to share and interact with my followers, personal and professional. It’s a place where I can share what I’m up to, what I’m thinking, solicit input — you get the idea. Sometimes, it’s a place where I can share concerns and challenges. And here is where the glitch arises.

I recently received feedback that I should keep my social media posts entirely professional and free of any and all concerns. No posts about headaches or challenges; no mention of quandries or dilemmas. And this left me — heck it still has me — stumped. Because, from a really authentic place, it feels important for me to share ALL of me (or at least the majority of me) with those who choose to interact with me through these channels. My intention is never to be unduly “negative.” Instead, it’s about keeping it real. I want to be transparent about the fact that, regardless of my chosen life’s work (which, admittedly, implies a certain relentless optimism) I have my challenges and cloud-filled moments too. In other words, I am as human as the next person. My story is that this is, in part, what makes me able to relate to my clients, empathize and truthfully speak to strategies for moving forward. Am I wrong in this? I’m not sure; but I am curious.

What do you think? From your perspective as a follower of mine, would you prefer that I keep any and all challenges to myself? Would you rather see only the “bright-side” of my work, and nothing of my personal? I really am curious. After all, my objective is to serve you, and if my “being completely real” is less than valuable to you, I’d like to know. How real do you want me to be?

Looking forward to your thoughts. And keeping it as real as possible until then

Sifting Through the Rhetoric

Yes, an election’s in the air.  As of this writing, the advanced polls have already taken place in preparation for this country’s upcoming federal election — what is this, election #4 in 6 years?  It’s one of the gifts of democracy and freedom — the opportunity to speak your mind, have your voice heard, cast your vote for the person who you feel is best suited to lead our country.  So many people around the world long for this privilege and yet, statistically, so few of us who have it avail ourselves of the opportunity.  Why is that?

Well, in my personal experience, part of the challenge is the tedium of rhetoric.  There’s a way that, when an election looms, those at the helm of respective parties engage in little more than mud-slinging and name calling.  Even the youngest of our society know that very little is to  be gained by this.  My 11 year old son, who is studying the art of persuasive letter-writing and politics at the same time, often cringes at the antics he sees our leaders engaging in, as portrayed in the newspapers, radio and television.  Even he knows that these are tactics, and that while these tactics might get you into office, they won’t keep you there if you can’t produce what you say you’re going to deliver.  Throughout history, politicians have developed a reputation for “saying what people want to hear” (or what they think people want to hear) and then not delivering.  Which leaves the population at large feeling disappointed, let down, cynical.  Which leads to people not exercising their right to vote, even when they know it’s a privilege.

So, what to do?  Well, in my opinion, this is an opportunity to forget the rhetoric, disengage from the mind games, and ask yourself this:  all else being equal, who do you truly believe has what it takes to lead our country effectively?  Who embodies the qualities of effective leadership as you see it?  Who do you believe would accurately represent you?  The person who fits the answer to these questions is the person to vote for.  If he or she happens to be from one of the “less popular” parties — i.e., not Liberal or Conservative — so be it.  Too often, I hear people talk about “wasted votes”, as in, “If I vote for who I really want, it’ll be a wasted vote because s/he’ll never actually get in, so I should just vote for one of the two major parties, even though I don’t like either of them.”  Well, from my perspective, this is skewed thinking.  In Canada, we do not live in a two-party system.  There are in fact 5 parties that I’m aware of (Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Green, and Bloc) and if you feel strongly about one, that is the one to vote for.  That is the way to make your true voice heard.  That is the way to ensure that our politicians have an accurate guage of what the country at large is thinking.

Is the system perfect?  No.  I could go on for quite a while on how I would like to see the system tweaked.  And I won’t.  Instead, this is my appeal to all of you of voting age to check in with yourself, know what’s important to you, find out whose platform best aligns with that, then cast your vote.  Make it count.  You have this privilege.  Don’t let it go to waste.  It’s time to sift through the rhetoric.

Have you determined how you will vote in the Canadian federal election on May 2nd, 2011?  What are the major factors that influence your decision?  If you could change one thing about our political system, what would it be?  Leave a comment here or feel free to send me an email.  I’d love to hear your thoughts!

When Insecurity Sets In

Insecurity.  It’s that feeling that comes over you when you’re not sure of what you’re doing, when you feel like you haven’t got the answers, when it seems like others are privy to information that eludes you.  Sometimes, the insecurity stems from a real place or circumstance –  you actually don’t know what you’re doing, or you don’t have the information.  At other times, it’s a figment of your imagination — for whatever reason you’re minimizing what you are capable of and playing small.  In either case, the question for your leadership is this:  how are you dealing with the insecurity?  And how is your approach serving your leadership?

Often, I’ve seen leaders who are in the insecure space attempt to puff themselves up, pulling a “fake it till you make it” attitude, trying to convince themselves and others that they actually are fine.  If you’re using this approach, you may well be isolating yourself, striving to prove yourself without assistance in an effort to show exactly what you’re capable of.  What I know for sure is that this approach doesn’t work.  Instead, people usually see right through it, and the insecurity becomes magnified.  If you’re working so hard to hide what you don’t know, your efforts aren’t going into leadership, they’re going into pretending.  And if you’re pretending to lead, you’re not leading.

So what’s the solution? Acknowledge where you’re falling short, what you don’t know, what you need.  You know that there are people around you who can help.  You don’t have to make yourself less than them in anyway; instead, you need to access their expertise in order to enhance your own.  As a leader, there is something you bring to the table, no doubt about it.  And, you’re as human as the next person, which means — like it or not — you don’t know everything, you don’t have all the answers.  Utilize your team, the people surrounding you, to fill in the gaps that exist.  That’s why they’re part of your team.  Don’t allow insecurity to get the better of you, or have you believe that “asking for help is a sign of weakness.”  This is not true.  Real leaders, effective leaders, know how to ask for help graciously.  Real leaders don’t fake their leadership in anyway.  Real leaders lead by example, and that includes acknowledging what you don’t know and inviting others to support you in leading.

Bottom-line: even leaders have moments of insecurity.  The question is, what are you going to do about it?  If you’re really going to lead, you’ve got to learn to ask for help.

Leadership Without Judgment?

The title of this blog post has a question mark in it because I’m curious as to the possibility of being able to lead without judgment.  I state that just in case my thought-process isn’t obvious.  Actually, I suppose my initial curiousity has more to do with judgment-free language than judgment-free leadership.

You see, throughout my coaching today, I’ve run into a theme whereby I see clients — hear clients — judging their choices as good or bad, or some version thereof.  This has me wondering whether or not it’s possible to evaluate something, whether it’s an action or a choice or whatever, without judging it.  For me, while the distinction is subtle, I believe it exists nonetheless.  And, I think when you can evaluate without judgment — without condemnation — then you facilitate growth, movement and progress far more easily than when you stand in judgment.  I guess that’s the essence of what’s coming up for me:  an awareness that judgment somehow contains a seed of condemnation, and that such condemnation stifles growth.

So, what becomes possible for you or me as leaders, when we can evaluate things from the place of simply evaluating?  Without beating ourselves up for the choices we’ve made or the perspectives we’ve held?  Without engaging in put-downs about where our choices have gotten us versus where we’ve wanted to go?  What opens up when we can lead and evaluate simply from a place of allowing and evaluating?  I have a hunch that, while evaluating without judgment seems contradictory in some ways, if we can actually find a way to do this — if we can stop making ourselves right or wrong and simply allow our observations to be just that, observations — then we will actually find ourselves moving forward, growing and evolving more effectively.

I guess the bottom-line thought that I’m holding at the moment — or at least entertaining — is the thought that judgment does not serve authentic leadership. Evaluation absolutely serves leadership.  So, in order to be an effective leader, you must be willing to continually evaluate — without going to the place of judgment.  Something to try on for a bit, I think.

Keeping Connections Real

Yes, another post today.  Seems like I’m in a writing mode lately, doesn’t it?  I think it’s me playing to a strength, doing something I love, and being able to expound on a new learning or insight.  It’s a way for me to stay in conversatin and exploration with others about issues that feel relevant in the moment.  Which is a great seguey into the topic for this post:  connections.

We live in a world which seemingly affords the opportunity to be forever connected.  And you would think that, given my belief in the importance of human connection, that I would welcome this.  And I do, for the most part.  I do have one reservation however, and this is around the depth and sincerity of these virtual connections.  You see, so often, the connections that are being made seem fleeting and superficial.  Virtual communications also eliminate a critical aspect to the human need for connection, and that is the energetic quality that can only be experienced through voice or touch.

Over this past week I’ve really noticed that I have a need to really connect with others.  Email is wonderful, social networking is great, but I need to have connections that go that one step deeper.  I need to be in the physical presence of others — I need to see faces, hear voices and sometimes hold another’s hand.  In other words, the language simply isn’t enough for me.  I need the subtle nuances of connection that get expressed when we’re genuinely together.

Don’t get me wrong:  at times, email communication, or social networking is better than nothing.  After all, I can often “hear” another person’s voice even when I’m simply reading an email just as well as if they were here.  As our world continues to move ahead at sometimes breakneck speeds, however, I think it behooves us to ensure that we aren’t removing the total experience of connection altogether.  I personally think that two-dimensional connections aren’t enough for us to thrive as we’re intended.

Bottom-line: go ahead –  engage in the virtual communications and get with the times by all means.  At some point, however, remind yourself to keep the connections real.  That way you’ll stay connected to who you really are as well.

Another Way to Be

So, yesterday I delivered my first “sermon” at a nearby United Church.  They were celebrating an anniversary and had invited me to share a message of inspiration in place of the usual sermon.  Granted, when they first made their request, they tiptoed around the word “sermon” for a bit, but they finally came out and named it for what it was.  Needless to say, my initial reaction was a combination of laughter and anxiety – I mean, do I come across as a theological expert?  (I figure people who give sermons have to have some level of theological expertise!).  But then I decided that a sermon wasn’t all that different from the motivational presentations I usually give.  I have been an active church member for all of my life so I have a sound theological base.   And heck, they obviously want to hear what I have to say.  So I agreed (obviously) to deliver.

The topic I chose to “preach” (goodness it’s funny to say that!) about was “The Power of Being”.  You see, I’m a big advocate of “being”.  I think it’s one of the most natural human processes, but one that has been all but abandoned in our modern, fast-paced, action-filled society.  Anyone who’s not “doing” something must be lazy or on vacation.  There seems to be a pervasive disregard that exists for what appears to be idleness.

I want to draw your attention, however, to the fact that our very language describes our species collectively as human BEINGS, not human DOINGS.  I personally believe that this is significant.  Our essence, our power resides in how we be and who we be, moment to moment, day to day.  When we deny ourselves the opportunity to BE, for whatever reason, we deny ourselves the opportunity to be truly engaged with who we are.

So what’s the big deal? Why does BEING matter?  My belief is that so often the answers we seek, the directions we’re looking for, are all available to us and accessible by us when we take the time to be still.  Rather than jumping immediately to the question “what should I do?”, I assert that the process is best engaged in in the following way:  first, determine to BE still — take some time to just sit (where you sit doesn’t really matter), turn your attention inward and just BE.  Once you’ve connected and felt the stillness around you, ask the question, “how will I be going forward?”.  The answers to this question are as varied as you can imagine.  You may choose to be angry, sad, happy, progressive, open, focused — whatever.  Once you’ve determined how you will be, the final question is “What will I do/choose/decide?” as it relates to whatever issue you’re currently facing.  You see, when you connect with your beingness, the essence of who you are, you give yourself the experience of informing your choice of action from a really genuine place within.  Your choices and decisions aren’t haphazard — they’re aligned with your very core essence.

Bottom-line: giving yourself permission, time and space to BE actually allows you to move forward more expediently and more in alignment than if you just plow ahead.  SIMPLY BEING isn’t a lazy choice, it’s a powerful one.  Doesn’t have to be long, and it does have to happen.  So, go out there and BE.  It’s what I’m off to do right now.

Authenticity

How are you selling yourself short?