The Power of a Listening Ear

So I’m going to point out something that I’m sure you already know.  That being said, it’s such an obvious fact that the implications may escape your notice as you move through your days.  Here’s the thing:  having people who will listen to you — not necessarily agree, mind you, but listen, hear and allow you space to be real — is essential to your ability to live fully and completely.  In other words, true friends are priceless.

This morning I woke up — can you actually wake up if you never really slept all night? — feeling less than ideal.  It happens.  I’ve had a lot on my mind for a LONG time, I’ve been working at implementing new ideas, I’ve been in the throes of back-to-school preparations, my mind has been racing more often than not — you get the idea.  And, with all this busy-ness, there hasn’t been a whole lot of time for conversation.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve gotten together with friends, had outings and excursions with my family, had a lot of laughs.  But what I realized today is that I haven’t had any of those deep, rich, no-hold-barred-because-you-know-there-will-be-no-judgement kind of conversations.  Let’s face it; there are only certain people that you can have these conversations with, and when life gets busy, what I’m realizing, is you’ve got to be really deliberate about staying connected to those folks.  Otherwise, before you know it, you’re struggling to stay above water.

The advantage of these sorts of relationships — the ones in which your friend listens without judgement or suggestion, hears what you’re saying, acknowledges the very real feelings you’re having without trying to fix or agree or disagree — is a powerful sort of catharsis.  I know this because I was able to have such a conversation this morning and became very aware of the shift in my energy.  Yes, I’m still tired.  And, my head is clearer, my shoulders feel lighter, I feel connected.  This shift is a neat one to experience.  One that I would highly endorse.

Bottom-line:  when you’re feeling off, in any way, no matter how much you might want to retreat into your cave and reflect (which can be effective from time to time, I will admit it) — call a really good friend.  Somebody who will really hear you, make the time for you, listen to you and then allow you to move on in whatever way feels right.  And if you don’t have a person like this in your life, find one.  He or she will be absolutely irreplaceable.

Thinking About Legacy

My fellow Canadians will definitely know what I’m talking about. And likely my American friends and those around the world will be able to relate as well. I’m feeling engulfed by a sense of sadness, and have been, ever since hearing the news yesterday of Jack Layton’s death. I actually felt my whole world come to a grinding halt. And I didn’t even know him. Not really. But I didn’t really need to.

Jack Layton was a charismatic, down-to-earth, regular sort of guy. And he was a leader. With a really clear sense of purpose and direction to which he was profoundly, 100% committed. This commitment and dedication was inspiring and moving, no matter what your political leanings. I really don’t think you could help but be moved and inspired by the obvious conviction that emanated from this man.

Mr. Layton was a unique politician in that he always appeared to be “one of the people” — he didn’t just speak to this ideal, he actually showed up this way. As I said to my husband yesterday, I could absolutely see myself running into Jack Layton in downtown Toronto, and him making time to ask me how I was, to engage in a conversation, to hear my thoughts and explore ideas with me. The man was real, you could see it in his every action, hear it in his every word.

Somehow, his passing leaves a real void in the world, I can feel it. From my perspective, Jack Layton exemplified what it means to be a real leader. He was aware of differing viewpoints; and he knew how to bridge the gaps between these viewpoints. He knew how to stand firm without creating unnecessary conflict. And he knew how to address conflict without making a bigger problem. The man was great.

Bottom-line: our country has lost a GREAT leader, anyway you slice it. As unassuming a man as Jack Layton was, his legacy is a powerful one, as exemplified in his final words to Canadians. “My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.” – Jack Layton, Aug 20, 2011 It has me thinking about my own legacy, how I show up, the impact I want to create. No doubt about it, following Jack Layton’s example will be part of my deal going forward. And, I’ll continue to think about my own legacy. Here’s to changing the world.

Time to Change a Habit?

I’ve been thinking a bit about habits lately. Paying attention to the things I do, just because I’ve always done them. Or the way I do things, just because I’ve always done them that way. Or the way I show up, just because that’s how I’ve always shown up. Habits. That’s what each of these is.

Some of the habits I have are good ones; I know that. Some of them aren’t so good; I also know that. These are the ones I’m paying particular attention to. And the question I’m holding (actually, it’s one question of several) is this: what is this particular habit costing me?

Obviously, each of my habits serves some aspect of my life, otherwise I wouldn’t have them. For example, I have a habit of sleeping in (if you call 8 a.m. “sleeping in”) whenever possible. This happens on those days when I decide I don’t have a particular need to be up at a specific time, and so I allow my body to wake naturally, without the prompting of an external alarm. On the one hand, this seems like a self-care strategy. And I’m all about self-care. On the other hand, what I know is that when I allow myself to “sleep in” I actually lose productivity, even if it is on a personal level versus a professional one. This is not a cost I’m willing to endure any longer. So, new habit. Setting my alarm, and waking between 6:30 and 7, especially on work days, but also on weekends if possible. If only to train my brain — and my habitual self — that habits can be changed.

So here’s a question for you: what habits do you have? You might have to give this some thought; after all, habits are often entrenched and as such, just part of your routine. Whatever they are, are they working? Or do they need tweaking? How would it serve you to up-level a habit — or maybe two? Something to think about.

Keeping it Real

One of my core values is authenticity. Those of you who know me personally or who have been following me for any length of time will likely not find this surprising. Personally, I think authenticity is essential to building trust and being in strong relationships, personal or professional.

Recently, I ran into a bit of a glitch around the whole authenticity thing. You see, I’m learning to love the world of social media. I find it a great realm in which to share and interact with my followers, personal and professional. It’s a place where I can share what I’m up to, what I’m thinking, solicit input — you get the idea. Sometimes, it’s a place where I can share concerns and challenges. And here is where the glitch arises.

I recently received feedback that I should keep my social media posts entirely professional and free of any and all concerns. No posts about headaches or challenges; no mention of quandries or dilemmas. And this left me — heck it still has me — stumped. Because, from a really authentic place, it feels important for me to share ALL of me (or at least the majority of me) with those who choose to interact with me through these channels. My intention is never to be unduly “negative.” Instead, it’s about keeping it real. I want to be transparent about the fact that, regardless of my chosen life’s work (which, admittedly, implies a certain relentless optimism) I have my challenges and cloud-filled moments too. In other words, I am as human as the next person. My story is that this is, in part, what makes me able to relate to my clients, empathize and truthfully speak to strategies for moving forward. Am I wrong in this? I’m not sure; but I am curious.

What do you think? From your perspective as a follower of mine, would you prefer that I keep any and all challenges to myself? Would you rather see only the “bright-side” of my work, and nothing of my personal? I really am curious. After all, my objective is to serve you, and if my “being completely real” is less than valuable to you, I’d like to know. How real do you want me to be?

Looking forward to your thoughts. And keeping it as real as possible until then

I’m BA-ACK!

To some of you, it may seem like it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. That’s because I haven’t written a blog post in a LONG time. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to post here in my blog AND publish my weekly ezine, without duplicating information or overwhelming you, my readers. So, if you’re strictly a blog subscriber, you’ve definitely been out of my loop, and I apologize for that. If you’re an ezine and a blog subscriber, you may not have noticed my absence from the blogging world. And if you’re just an ezine subscriber, you’re not reading this in the first place so no worries.

Now, here’s a question I’ve got for you: what’s the best way, from your perspective, for me to blend these two worlds? Should they be blended? Does it matter? Whatever thoughts you have on this, I would love to hear them!

In the meantime, let me just share a couple of quick thoughts.

Today, in SW Ontario, it is a crazy-hot day; 38 degrees celsius BEFORE the humidex, which means it will end up feeling more like 45 degrees celsius — which I believe equates to something like 120 degrees Farenheit. Nutty, I know. Now, I generally don’t mind the heat. I actually quite enjoy sitting outside, feeling the warmth, reading a book, and enjoying a cool beverage. But even I know that the sort of heat that’s being anticipated today can be dangerous — staying hydrated can be challenging, breathing can be tough, sunburns and heatstroke can run rampant. Which means that you need to be really aware of what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, and taking good care of yourself and those around you.

The gift in this heat, for me, today, is a call to care. I invite you to join me in this calling. It begins with you paying attention to your own needs, but goes way beyond that. Call your neighbours. Check in on the elderly. Make sure fans are working and that everyone has plenty to drink — not of the alcoholic variety, but of the hydrating sort. Connect with one another and stay in touch.

The challenge, of course, goes way beyond today. What I’m suggesting is that a day like this triggers the calling. But, the call to engage in such connection, awareness and caring isn’t just for insanely hot days; or even for insanely cold days. It’s for all days. Use today as the starting point; then continue it each day. How will you connect and care going forward? Share your thoughts here on this blog — I think this could be a fabulous conversation!