Continuing the Theme of Silence

So here’s an interesting discovery:  noise is exhausting.  That’s what I’m experiencing this morning.  For a variety of reasons I’m not feeling as energetic as I usually do.  Could be an “end-0f–the-week” thing, or even the result of my brain being in idea-generating mode for the better part of this week (like full-on, no-holds-barred, couldn’t-stop-it-if-I-tried idea-generating mode).  It could even be that my body is fighting a bug of some sort.  No matter what the cause, however, the fact is I’m tired.

This is not a new experience for me, and my guess is you can relate to it too.  Fatigue, after all, is part of the human experience.  And it’s definitely part of the leadership experience.  As a leader you’re on the go, on the move, doing what needs to be done, hearing what needs to be heard, responding to what needs to be responded to.  What I’m being reminded of this morning is that, when I’m tired — and in particular when my brain is tired — there’s a way that “noise” of any kind takes my already tired self and quickly moves me into the land of complete and utter exhaustion.  Which, given the world that we live in, is rather a hazardous situation.

I know I’ve talked before about the importance of silence — the importance of creating it, of accessing it, of allowing yourself to get still and really immerse yourself in it.  Have you tried doing so?  It can be a challenge, no doubt about it.  Everywhere you turn, there’s noise.  Even as I sit here in my “quiet” living room typing this blog, I’m aware of my child splashing in the tub, my other child muttering about the hockey stats, the furnace making some sort of white noise, my keyboard clicking away, the fridge humming, the dog breathing (actually, snoring) — sounds are everywhere.  And when I’m tired, these sounds feel prohibitive to my recharging.  So, what’s the solution?  My sense is that I need to let some of the sounds just be what they are (the furnace), do my best to minimize or turn off the others (my typing), and make reasonable requests of those around me to take the noise down, even if only for a few moments (reasonable means I’m not asking anyone to take a vow of silence, or stop splashing in a tub).  I’m realizing that one of the ways that I can circumvent the draining effects of noise is to consciously turn my focus to the sounds that are soothing rather than the sounds that are draining.  I’ve got to.  Because unless I do, I will spiral into total exhaustion, which doesn’t allow me to be any good to anybody.  Definitely contrary to playing my best leadership game.  And trust me; this lesson holds true for you too.

Bottom-line:  taking a break, giving yourself permission to rest, includes giving yourself permission to turn off or tune out the noise.  I’ve talked about finding answers in silence.  Believe me, silence can also recharge you.  So here’s my challenge to you:  carve out a 15 minute block and allow yourself to be as silent as possible, in as much silence as possible.  Immerse yourself in it.  Feel yourself recharge.  Good stuff comes from silence.

There’s the Expert, and Then There’s You

A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice. ~James Callaghan

We live in a world where experts abound.  You may be one of them.  I am as well.  By virtue of the fact that you are a leader, you’ve got expertise in some area, no doubt about it.  And, as I recently read, “expertise” is relative.  While you may be an expert relative to some in a particular field, relative to others in that same field or in a different field altogether you may be little more than a novitiate.  And in light of this, there will be times when, even as an expert yourself, you lean into the advice of experts more qualified than yourself.  It’s the nature of the beast.

Now, all that being said, there is a bit of a catch in this leadership game, and it’s brilliantly summarized in James Callaghan’s quote above.  There’s a way that leadership requires you to research and look into the advice of experts, no doubt about it.  Indeed, having a team of experts available to access at any given moment is the prerogative of leaders.  At the same time, however, wearing the leader’s hat  requires you to know your own position — which may sometimes deviate from what the experts believe or have to say — and act on that.  This requires more than a modicum of courage, for sure.  Going against the grain can be a bold move.  I mean, what if you’re wrong?  Well, this is the risk that leaders take.  It’s part and parcel of the leadership game.  Rest assured, following the advice of experts can also be wrong.  Why?  Because even the best of advice only works if the circumstances in which its applied is conducive to the success of said advice.  If there’s something about your particular situation that is different or non-supportive of the advice in question, it will not work.  And your job as leader is to know your circumstances, know your unique position, and apply the expert advice within the frame of what you know to be true.

Bottom-line:  if you want to be a truly effective leader — whether personally, professionally or both — you’ve got to be willing to hold your own, even as you acknowledge the expertise of others.  Experts are human too.  They can make mistakes as much as you can, especially if they are not familiar with the unique aspects of your leadership scenario.  Remember, when it comes right down to it, you’re the expert in your particular leadership situation; as such, you have a responsibility to know which advice will work in your circumstances, apply it as appropriate and be courageous enough to make alternative choices at all other times.

The Winds of Change

Today’s blog post is going to be a little different.  You see, I’m going to be implementing some changes to my entire business in the coming weeks and months, and this blog will definitely fall into what gets revamped.  What I’d like to do today is just share a few of the other changes that you can expect to see.  While some of these ideas are still in germination form, they are evolving fast — like REALLY fast! — and I truly am tickled pink!

First, my ezine which began 8 years ago as a quarterly publication, eventually became bi-monthly and is currently sent out monthly;  well, it will finally become a weekly publication beginning sometime in the next few weeks.  Why?  Because it’s time.  I’ve been moving in this direction for a while — as in, I’ve been feeling called to publish the ezine weekly and have always held myself back.  Well, that stops now.  It’s time for it to be a weekly ezine and so, weekly it shall be. It actually excites me, to be honest!

In light of that particular change, these blog posts will move to two or three times per week instead of daily.  I’m leaning towards twice a week, however, will meditate on that just a bit more before determining which course would be wisest.  If you’ve got a suggestion on the frequency of blogging, I’d be happy to hear your thoughts.

Additionally, my whole coaching program will be undergoing a change.  While I’m not yet crystal-clear on how it will look or roll out, what I know for sure is that there will be more programs for you to access, more options in terms of coaching and more of a global presence for the products and services overall.  Stay tuned as these things come into being!

Finally, in order to make all of this reality, I know I’m going to need the help of a dedicated team of assistants.  So, I will in fact be hiring assistants in the coming months.  First step is to clarify their roles and how we will all work together.  Once I have my team on board I will definitely introduce them to you also!

All of these changes revolve around the central idea of me taking my place on the world stage, playing a much bigger game than I’ve been playing, with a view to having the impact on the world that I know I’m meant to have.  What I know for sure is that my fundamental message — the message that life is meant to be lived with ease, that the path of ease can be found even in the midst of hardship, and that you really can have it all through the power of conscious choice — is meant to be heard world-wide.  I don’t think I’ve been playing small up until this point — and it’s time for me to play even bigger.  Really, it’s time for me to play the biggest game I possibly can.  And that’s what I’m going to step into.

With this in mind, and with all of the changes that are afoot, I have a request.  Please help me spread the word.  Invite others to subscribe to this blog post and indeed to the (weekly!) ezine.  Both can be done by going to my website, www.stellarcc.com and signing up in the appropriate boxes.  Listen in to my weekly radio show, Your Life, Your Way on 106.9, the X — which you can access by going to www.1069fm.ca and clicking the “listen live” tab on Sundays at 4:30 pm EST — and invite your circle of friends, family and colleagues to do the same.  When you or others are looking for workshops, keynotes or other presentations for your events, contact me.  My range of topics is perfect for both personal and professional development, and my signature keynote “Mastering Life — The Ultimate Balancing Act” is sure to inspire participants to achieve fulfillment like they never thought possible.

Bottom-line:  the winds of change are blowing, I’m adjusting my sails, and inviting you to join me for the ride.  I know that with your help it’s going to be a great one!  So thanks in advance for your support

From the Place of Silence

There are many resources available out there that talk about “The Power of…” something or other.  “The Power of Now,” “The Power of One,” “The Power of Less,” “The Power of Us.”  Heck, one of my own company’s is called “The Power of Two.”  And I don’t want to take away the power of anything in this blog.  Instead, what I want to do is point to something that is often overlooked when it comes to the discussion of what is and isn’t powerful.  And that’s silence.

Stop.  Take a moment and just stop.  Whatever you’re doing, whoever you’re talking to, whatever you’re thinking about, just stop.  Turn off any and all sound-making gadgets, as much as you can.  Radio, phone, television.  Now, close your eyes and notice.  Feel the silence that surrounds you.  Can you feel it?  Feel the strength of it?  The power within it?  The longer you stay with it, the more you’ll feel it.  And sometimes that can be a bit uncomfortable.  Silence is powerful for sure.

I bring this up today because I notice that many leaders overlook — or completely forget — the power of silence.  How often do you feel like you’ve got to be talking, reading, typing, interacting with information in some way, shape or form?  I’m willing to bet that non-silence is your primary way of being.  It’s not surprising.  It’s sort of the way of today’s world.  And yet, what I know for sure is that so often what we seek — whether it’s answers, inspiration, peace, connection, grounding, whatever — is found in the silence.

As a leader, I assert that it behooves you to get comfortable with silence.  Leadership is about inspiring change, growth and evolution, and these are most powerfully accessed in silent moments.  Sometimes sound is necessary, for sure.  And silence can be your greatest resource as a leader.  Stumped by a question?  Look to the silence.  Feeling overwhelmed?  Get grounded in the silence.  Seeking inspiration?  You’ll find it in the silence.

Bottom-line:  silence has become a bit of a stranger to most people in our very fast-paced, gadget-inundated world.  Get re-acquainted with silence and watch how your leadership transforms for the better.  Silence is an effective leaders most powerful resource..

Compassion in Leadership

Yesterday, I signed the Charter for Compassion.  You can check it out here www.charterforcompassion.org.  You may not know it but compassion is a really strong value of mine — like REALLY strong — and I often contemplate how compassion serves, what gets in the way of compassion and the link between compassion and leadership.  Because there is one, you know.

My personal perspective is that compassion is actually a big part of effective, meaningful leadership.  If you want to be the best leader you possibly can, then my sense is that you’ve got to find a way to make compassion part of your modus operandi.  I know that this can be hard for some, maybe even for you.  And I think the reason for this is that it’s too easy to confuse “being compassionate” with “being soft”, or letting people off the hook.  Being compassionate is none of these things.

Definitively, when you look up the meaning of compassion, you’ll find that “compassion is a deep awareness of and sympathy for another person’s feelings, coupled with a wish to relieve it.” (www.freedictionary.com.)  I think it’s the last part of the definition that gets misinterpreted.  “Relieving another’s suffering” can feel daunting and, for some reason, it’s easy to believe that relieving suffering is about bending the rules for someone, or giving them a free pass.  It’s not.  Instead, I believe that compassion is rooted in the understanding that everyone — yes, everyone — has something of value to bring, that this “something” can be hindered by personal circumstances (poverty, violence, ignorance, illness, etc;) and that an understanding and willingness to bear witness to the circumstances, to support the person in navigating the circumstance without letting them off the hook or allowing them to escape responsibility, is what allows their best — whatever their best may be — to come forward.  This is what truly “relieving suffering” looks like.  Yes, you need to give something of yourself — and often, what you give doesn’t have to be much more than your presence and willingness to serve.

As a leader, your job is to be aware of a) what it is that each person’s best is and b) the circumstances that may or may not be allowing their best to come forward.  Your job is to then stand in a place of compassion and understanding so that you can invite and coax the best out of that person.  This means that you have to take time to give of yourself; this means that you have to listen; this means that you have to be present to your own vision, and to the needs and circumstances of those around you.  Compassion is what will allow you to really lead, in the sense of leading people to become all of who they are.  And this can absolutely be done within the context of whatever systems and policies are part of your organization.  Believe it or not, you can enforce policy with compassion.

Bottom-line:  great leadership is not about being rigid or towing the party-line.  Great leadership is actually rooted in compassion.  If you think about the great leaders of our time — and historically — you will see this.  Step into compassion and lead from there.  Compassion will never steer you wrong.

Want more insight into this idea?  A fabulous read is “The Anatomy of Peace” by The Arbinger Institute.

Leadership & Letting Go

Woke up this morning, came downstairs, powered up my computer and contemplated on what to write in this blog today.  As I waited for things to boot up, I did a quick scan of my email box.  In there, I found a notification that indicated someone had unsubscribed from my newsletter mailing list.  And it’s someone I  know.  Someone who I believed was getting value from being connected with me and plugging in to my business world.  The email removal request was surprising — and, I’ll admit it, it hurt just a bit.  Until I remembered something:  her choice to remove her name from my email list is about her, her needs, and where she’s at; it’s really not about me.

I mean, yes, it’s probably fair to assume (and I really try not to assume if at all possible) that for some reason she’s no longer getting value out of my publication.  It may even be that she’s purging a whole lot of things from her life at this moment, and my newsletter happens to fall within the scope of all of that.  Regardless, however, I can’t dwell on the fact that she’s removed herself.  I can, if I wish, determine the reason why and see how I might address that need.  And, her need may in fact have nothing to do with me, or it may not be something that I can meet.  This is actually where I need to stay really clear on what I do and don’t do, have confidence in the value I bring to those who remain within my database, and truly lean in to the wisdom of the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.    Her reason or season may simply be up; and I need to allow that to be okay.

Believe it or not, I can see the implications for leadership in this little experience.  Sometimes, as a leader, you can become attached to certain people.  You can begin to think that they’ll be in the picture forevermore.  And the result is that you can have difficulty letting go when you need to let go, which means you’ll stagnate a bit.  Leadership requires you to  be willing to let go — either by your own choice, or by virtue of the fact that the person in question realizes that their path is taking them elsewhere.  Your job as  leader is to not take the changes or leavings personally, anchor yourself in what your about, tweak if need be, and continue to move forward.

Bottom-line: effective leadership requires you to learn how to let go with grace.  It’s part of the whole deal.  It’s the only way you can keep moving forward to whatever your vision is.  You need to trust that letting go and the accompanying changes serve the big picture.  And you’ve got to let go with grace so you can lead without stagnating.

Getting Priorities Straight

“Action expresses priorities.” ~Mohandas Gandhi

Woke up this morning considering priorities.  I’m a big advocate of getting my priorities straight.  Always have been.  The challenge I realize, is that what I consider to be a priority may or may not be a priority to someone else.  And it can be really easy to get all high and mighty, or judgmental about it.  I mean, I’m a pretty smart person, right?  So when I think a thing’s a priority, I’ve got to be right, correct?  Well, not necessarily.  But perhaps more important is the realization that priorities aren’t a matter of right and wrong — as in, it’s not for another to judge what your priorities are.  Priorities are based in personal values, and values are inherently personal.

Why am I sharing the topic of priorities in this blog today?  Because it’s dawning on me that priorities are actually something that leaders grapple with all the time.  How do you determine what takes precedence on a given day?  How do you determine where to put your focus?  How do you decide what to put your energies into, and what to let go by the wayside?  The answer to each of these questions lies in your priorities, and as a leader, part of your objective is to have people around you and with you who share your priorities, so that your energies can be united in whatever is calling for your attention.

What I know for sure is that the world at large makes its assessment of who you are and how you are as a person, based on what they witness of you and your priorities.  If you are seen to spend lots of time with your family — choosing family events over work commitments — people will believe family to be your priority.  If you choose to attend off-site meetings rather than tend to on-site issues and staff concerns, people will believe that dealing with staffing concerns is NOT a priority.  The question for you to hold as you choose your actions, is which priorities are you wanting to honour in any given moment — and are your actions aligning with that priority?

The challenge is that priorities can conflict.  Because different people can hold different priorities, others may resent when you choose a priority that doesn’t match their own.  Your job as a leader is to do your best, always choosing — consciously and deliberately — what feels truly right for you, without justification or defense.  Don’t get me wrong; you may have to explain your choice.  And, if you align your choice with your values, and if you are consistent in your choices, the need for defense decreases.  People know what you stand for, they know what your priorities are.

Bottom-line: you’ve got to choose what matters to you.  Your actions as a leader have always got to be rooted in your values.  So know what’s important to you, know what you value, know what your priorities are.  Then act.  You can’t go wrong when you get your priorities straight.

Your Experience or Undisputed Fact?

One of the things that I’ve become more aware of in recent weeks is a rather pervasive inability that many people hold; namely, the inability to distinguish between fact and personal experience.  It appears that  it is really easy to take your personal experience, and pass it off as fact.  How often do you have a particular experience of someone, and then tell others that that person is a particular way?  An example might be when you’ve had a confrontation with a colleague, and then proceeded to tell your family that that person is “difficult and controlling.”  Can you relate?  Or maybe you’ve had a particularly delightful vacation, and then shared with your friends that your chosen destination was “the best vacation spot in the world.”

The challenge with these sorts of extrapolations is that, your “facts” aren’t facts at all.  They’re opinions.  And while I’m certain that I’ve written about the distinction between fact and opinion before, my sense is that this perspective bears repeating.  You see, when you take your experience and present it as undisputed fact, you mislead others — whether intentionally or not.  And misleading others can lead to lack of trust in relationships, and unnecessary mistakes being made in various circumstances.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there are people who trust you enough that they will simply take your word for it, when you present a “fact.”  Therefore, it behooves you to be certain of your facts, distinguish whether what you’re saying is instead a personal opinion, and allow or even encourage others to find the “truth” for themselves.  As a leader, your opinions matter, for sure.  You definitely want to be confident in your statements, not wishy-washy.  And, you can definitely undermine your position as leader when you make blanket statements, convert your opinions into fact, or don’t allow others to hold their own experiences as equally factual.  This last point may be the pivotal one in this post.  Your experience is only one aspect of the truth — it’s not necessarily the be-all and end-all.

Bottom-line: whether you are a leader or not, being able to begin your statements with some version of “in my experience” provides space for the whole truth to emerge.  In my opinion, “truth” is as much in the minds and experiences of those involved, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  And my personal experience is that as a leader, when you allow for your experience to be simply one aspect of the truth, you actually set yourself up to garner more respect from those around you.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this.  I would love to hear what your experiences are in this arena!

Leadership Check-In

It’s Friday, it’s the end of the first full week of 2011. Hard to believe it passed so quickly — and yet, that’s what time does, right?  It passes.  Sometimes, given that time seems to pass quicker than you’d like, you can become so caught up in tasks and activities that you forget to check in and get your bearings.  Getting accurate bearings, however, is essential to being able to achieve whatever it is you’ve set out to achieve.

So, I want to invite you to take a moment right now and check in.  Based on what you accomplished during this first week of 2011, how are things shaping up?  Did things unfold as you anticipated?  Better?  Worse?  What do you need to do, how do you need to be going forward, in order to have 2011 be the year you want it to be?

These are the questions that merit being asked at any point on your leadership journey.  Transition points are wonderful opportunities for asking questions like these — the end of a day, a week, a month, a project — and, they can be asked whenever.  The point is that you’ve got to take stock from time to time.  Whether your leadership takes the form of being at the helm of a large corporation, the chair of a committee, or the head of a household, the only way you’ll be able to lead as effectively as possible is if you know where you’re at, relative to where you’re headed.

Bottom-line:  taking stock is essential to your leadership effectiveness.  So check in; evaluate; regroup as necessary; and keep on keepin’ on.  Happy leading!

Humility: It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

“…excessive pride is a familiar sin, but a (person) may just as easily frustrate the will of God through excessive humility.”  ~Ken Follett

I want you to take a minute and re-read the above quote.  In the event that God-language offends you in any way, feel free to replace it with whatever works for you — universe, higher power, higher self — you pick.  And now think about what this quote is saying.  It’s from the book Pillars of the Earth, and the upshot of it is that so often people shy away from pride and arrogance, knowing that these qualities can trip you up on your path to success.  There’s no doubt about it; too much pride can blind you and doom your plans to failure every time.

The challenge is that, in an effort to avoid the crime of pride or arrogance, you very likely swing the pendulum too far and stand in a place of too much humility.  Don’t believe me?  Answer me this:  what are your strengths?  What are you good at?  What gifts do you bring to the world?  What are your inherent talents?  In working with clients for almost a decade now, I know that questions of this sort often elicit blank stares or the ever-popular “I don’t know.”  My guess is the same is true for you.  You may acknowledge your strengths quietly to yourself, but there’s no way you’re going to “toot your own horn” to the world, right?  That would be wrong, right?

Well here’s the thing; there’s actually a pretty fine line between owning your strengths — acknowledging the gifts and talents you’re meant to bring to the world — and walking around with excessive pride.  Because the world at large teaches you the dangers of arrogance without teaching the virtues of confidence (and that is what we’re talking about here) you very likely feel challenged to confidently step into and acknowledge what you’re good at.  And until or unless you can do this, there’s no way you can live up to your full potential and accomplish whatever it is you’re meant to accomplish.

So, here’s my challenge to you:  today, right here, right now, acknowledge your strengths, gifts and talents.  Not in a whisper to yourself, but out loud, to the world.  Write these on a piece of paper and post it on your fridge.  Call up a colleague or two and tell them — confidently, not arrogantly — what you believe your strengths are.  Start living your talents confidently and watch how the way you show up in the world changes.  Notice how your impact in the world changes.  Notice what you can accomplish when you step right up to the line that separates confidence from arrogance.

Bottom-line:  if you want to accomplish great things, you’ve got to know what you’re great at.  Don’t let excessive humility be your downfall.  Whatever you’re great at, own it.  Leadership requires confidence, not humility.