Release Your Anger

Releasing anger can be an important factor in stress reduction; indeed holding on to anger has been linked to advanced aging.  Here are a couple of suggestions for letting anger go, constructively.  Let it out of your head by purging, writing your angry thoughts on paper and then throwing it out or shredding it.  Or, you can get vocal and scream it out — preferably into a pillow, or in a soundproof room.  Giving voice to your angry thoughts totally gets the negative association out of your system, and frees you up for more positive, creative endeavours.

Anger

How much anger are you currently holding?  How might you release it?  (Checkout our Stressbusters for one suggestion…)

How Does One Harness the Power of Anger?

You know, I’m aware of having this underlying sense of anger today.  Actually, it’s been around for a couple of days.  Most of the time I’m able to keep it at bay — shuffled off to the side, definitely out of my conscious awareness.  Today it’s just begging to be heard.  And what’s really frustrating is that I’m not 100% sure what I’m angry about (which, I imagine, is the downside of shuffling anger to the side — you forget what you’re angry about in the first place). 

So now I’m on day 3 (or maybe 4) of beeing less productive than I’d like.  I’ve got a lot going on that I’d like to forge ahead with — projects, ideas, workshops, classes, etc; — and none of it is coming to fruition.  And I’ve got this sense that if I could just make this anger work for me, I’d be on to something.

One of my mentors once told me that anger is given a bad rap, when really it can be a powerfully creative force.  The challenge in our society is that we’ve labelled anger as a “negative emotion” — one that’s best not expressed – and so very few people are able to use anger constructively and effectively to create new opportunities or avail themselves of old ones.  And even those people who may venture into the realm of expressing anger constructively, tend to worry about how the anger will be perceived.  Now there’s an interesting stumblinb block.  By worrying about what the other person is going to think, I stop myself from finding a constructive outlet — and then this blocks by whole process.   Hmmm.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking about blowing my top at every opportunity.  But I think there actually is a way to say what needs to be said — whether angry, sad, frustrated, irritated, or whatever — and let it go.  So the challenge as I see it is two-fold (as all communication issues tend to be):  first, the angry person needs to be able to express their anger and let it go, and second, the recipient of the angry comments needs to really get that while the anger may be directed at them, it really isn’t ABOUT them.  A person’s reactions are always about themselves, nothing else.  Which, of course, is a paraphrase of learning from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz — which I’m going to go and re-read.    Because what I really need to look at here isn’t outside of me but inside me — what is it inside me that’s having me feel anger?  Curious query.  And the, how do I harness the power of that anger and have it work for me?  ‘Cuz I know I can

From Should to Could to Will

Let me begin this article by reassuring you that I am not going to attempt to banish any particular word from your vocabulary.  I am a firm believer in the idea that all words have a place in which they can be used appropriately.  The challenge, as I see it, is that words have incredible power, and oftentimes it is very easy to use a word or combination of words without considering the powerful way in which they land, and the resulting impact that gets created.  So really, the next few months are less about eliminating words and more about stretching your usage of them, so that the impact that is created is more in keeping with what you desire.

The first word that I’m going to invite you to play with is the word “should”.  How often do you hear yourself or others talk about what “should” be said/done/accomplished?  “I SHOULD go to the gym”; “You SHOULD eat more fruits and veggies”, “We SHOULD try that new restaurant”.  This is a word that is very much overused in our society, in my humble opinion.  This results in so many of us walking around as if we’re carrying the burdens of the world on our back.  In using the word “should” indiscriminately, you create an extremely heavy load to bear!

Before exploring alternative words that may suit your circumstances more appropriately, let’s note that the word “should” is a  “used to express moral obligation, necessity, etc;” according to the New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language.  Now, when you use the word should on a daily basis, are you really attempting to convey a moral obligation?  Or even a necessity?  And if so, are you certain that it’s an obligation or necessity according to what you’re striving for?  Or is this an old rule or paradigm that is being imposed on your life by someone else, or that you’re imposing on someone else’s life?  Do you see where I’m pointing you?  It’s my belief that more often than not, when you use the word should, you’re imposing a set of beliefs — obligations, necessities — into a situation that doesn’t necessarily call for it.  More importantly, too often, you use the word “should” and stop the conversation from moving any further.  And so this obligation hangs over your head like a looming threat.  So how do you address this challenge?  By moving through the “should” as quickly as possible.  Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say that, in the context of the life you’re creating, you’ve identified a very real necessity to exercise more.  This translates into the statement “I should go to the gym”.  Great.  You’ve named the necessity.  The question now becomes, what will you do?  Naming the necessity or obligation is not enough to really motivate you to change your story.  It may start you moving in a new direction, but until you shift from the place of obligation to the place of choice, you will feel burdened, and at some point you will likely rebel.  So, once you’ve identified that you “should go to the gym” and that you “want to, because it will benefit your health”  your new statement becomes any one of “I could go to the gym” (you’ve got an option),  “I can go to the gym” (you’re capable of it, you’ve got the opportunity), to finally “I will go to the gym” (I’m committed to this course of action — it’s not obligatory, it’s what I want).  Can you feel the energetic shift?

Some of you may argue that we’re really talking about semantics here.  And I agree with you.  The semantics in this case, however, are important.  It’s the subtle, energetic differences in language that determine the quality of the story you’re creating for yourself.  In the case of “should” — do you want to create  a story rife with obligation and necessity?  Or do you want a story filled with possibility and commitment?  I assert that the latter is what you’re really going for.  And if I’m wrong, then stick with you’re shoulds.  Remember, this isn’t about eliminating words from your vocabulary — it’s about making sure you’re using the words that are right and true for you.

Bottom-line:  the word “should” carries with it a weight that can drag you and your life’s story down.  One way to shift the energy is to move as quickly as possible from should to could/can or would/will.  In doing this, your story changes to one of possibility and commitment, and your burden gets lifted.  And let’s face it, with all that goes on in each of our lives, we can all use a little less burden on our shoulders.

Recharge

Just like a good cell phone, you need to recharge in order to function.  Creat time EACH DAY to recharge — a quiet space, a comfortable chair — and just breathe.  Use the breathing space recording to assist you if need be.  Anywhere from 15-30 minutes is great — and if you can start with 5 minutes, that’s better than none.  Just recharge.

Success

On a scale of 1 to 10, how resolved are you to succeed?  What would it take to make it a 10?

What Stops You From Re-charging?

Let me begin by saying that these thoughts aren’t entirely my own.  Instead, I was absolutely inspired by the message at church this week, particularly in the context of the children’s message (let’s face it, I’m a kid at heart).  The minister picked up his cell phone and showed it to the kids, then proceeded to talk about the myriad of uses and applications available to him and how he finds it a useful tool most of the time.  He then shared with the children the fact that sometimes the darn thing doesn’t work — it runs out of power — and he noted that, while it’s tempting to throw it out, in actual fact all the phone needs is to be recharged.  His exact words were, “there’s nothing wrong with the phone, it just needs to recharge”.  The parallel to our daily lives wasn’t lost on me.

How often do you find yourself in a position where you feel like things just aren’t working anymore?  It’s hard to think, hard to focus, you’re making mistake after mistake, your body feels unwell, etc;.  While you may be tempted to throw in the towel — quit your job, take some meds — how might it serve you to “recharge” instead?  And what would recharging look like for you?  Given the hectic pace of the society we live in, I assert that downtime, quiet time, recharge time feels elusive, and so it behooves each of us to make it happen of our own volition.  It really is important to carve out time and space — daily time and space — to just be and let your body restore itself.  And this is about more than daily sleep.  This is about awake time, where you’re doing NOTHING.  Just recharging.  It may seem like a novel indulgence.  And I assert that it’s an ancient necessity that’s gotten lost along the way.  It’s time to find it and reclaim it.  And that’s exactly what I challenge you to do.

Find the Joy

How might you create joy in seemingly joyless circumstances?

Just Be Yourself

In order to be yourself you have to know who you are; so ask yourself, who are you?  What makes you, YOU?

Staying Present

What takes you away from the present moment?  How might you stay grounded in the here and now?