Six More Weeks…?

Groundhog day. It’s a North American tradition – specific to Canada and the USA as far as I know. Basic folklore says that on February 2nd, otherwise known as Groundhog Day, the groundhog will emerge from its burrow and if it sees its shadow, there will be 6 more weeks of winter. If it doesn’t see its shadow, then it’s only 6 more weeks until spring. Or something like that.

This tradition has baffled me for many years. When I was younger, I didn’t really understand it; I heard it as “if the groundhog sees its shadow we’ll have 6 more weeks of winter; otherwise, it’s spring!!” This, of course, doesn’t make any sense at all. According to the calendar there are 6 more weeks of winter regardless. The official first day of spring doesn’t arrive until March 20th (or is it the 21st??).

At any rate, folklore aside, what I want to point to is this: Groundhog Day and its corresponding folklore is a powerful example of the power of perspective. I know that I wrote about perspective in a recent feature article – I think it was just a couple of weeks ago, in fact – and from what I’m noticing in the world, I think the message bears repeating. What message? This message: the way you choose to view something, the perspective you hold on a given situation, plays a powerful part in determining the choices you’ll make and the way you’ll show up in the world. Why does this matter? Because the choices you make and the way you show up make a difference in how you live your life.

Let’s say, for example, that you choose to say that “there will be six more weeks of winter” as opposed to “there are six more weeks until spring”, where is your focus? With the first statement, your focus is on winter, right? Not only that, your focus is on the fact that there’s more winter to endure before the arrival of spring. When you make the ever-so-slight shift to the statement, “there are six more weeks until spring” your focus is on spring, and on the ensuing countdown. It’s a perspective of anticipation as opposed to endurance. And when you’re anticipating or expecting something, the way you approach it is different than when you’re enduring something. Do you see what I’m talking about?

So, if you take this lesson and extrapolate it to your life, the question I’ve got is this: are you enduring things? Or are you anticipating things? Are you putting up with things? Or are you looking forward to something? There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these perspectives. Each one is valid and rooted in a modicum of truth. What changes, however, is the resulting attitude you’ll hold, the choices you’ll see and the outlook you’ll embrace. When you stand in the place of anticipation, looking forward, there’s a way that you hold a certain excitement and joie de vivre. When you stand in the place of enduring and putting up with things, your approach is instead one of trepidation and despondence. Which one will serve you better?

I know that there are times where endurance is what makes sense. This is especially true if you’re dealing with a crisis of sorts. And yet, even in that crisis, when you can shift your focus to one of anticipation – even if only for a moment – there’s a way that you can navigate the challenges with just a bit of ease. Understand, this isn’t about pretending that the challenge or crisis doesn’t exist. Instead, it’s about understanding that even while the challenge is there, there is something to look forward to. No matter what storm you’re weathering, the sun will come out in the days ahead.

Bottom-line: when it comes to getting the most out of your life, living it as fully as possible, and creating all that you want for yourself, there’s something to be said for getting deliberate about your perspective and approach. Over the next six weeks, will you endure? Or will you anticipate? Or will you choose something else altogether? Find out what will serve you best. Then choose that approach to your life.

Is It Time to Change Your Lenses?

I’m a big believer in the power of holding the right perspective. Now, when I say “right” perspective, I’m not suggesting that there is only one perspective for all. Instead the “right” perspective is the perspective that empowers you to move forward toward your objectives, whatever they might be, with reasonable confidence and surety. When it comes to goal achievement, perspective can be either a powerful ally or a wall that stops you in your tracks. This is something I know from first-hand experience. Let me explain.

At various times in my life, I have been excited about moving towards a particular objective. Sometimes it’s a financial goal. Sometimes it’s been the completion of a project. At other times it’s been the acquisition of something in particular, or maybe the planning of a trip or family excursion. Whatever the objective, there’s a way that I can get pretty excited about taking the seed of an idea and making it a reality.

The challenge for me – and I know many of you have the same experience – arises when my plans start to look different from what I originally envisioned. Maybe the timeline is turning out to be longer than I imagined. Maybe the response to an event I’m hosting or program I’m running isn’t quite as enthusiastic as I’d anticipated. Maybe the money that I’ve been looking for isn’t coming forth in the way I’d hoped or as quickly as I’d like. However the deviation occurs, it brings about a sense of deflation for me. Yes, I stall. Believe it or not, my historic pattern is to beat myself up, assume I’m messing up, that I’ve done something wrong and then to start desperately trying to “fix” things which, inevitably, only exacerbates the issue. I start panicking, and panic never brings about great solutions, at least not in my experience. (For those of you who are flabbergasted by the idea of me being panicked or overwhelmed in any way, please remember that I too am human; I have my foibles, as much as any other human ? ).

The other day, finding myself in one of those “things-aren’t-looking-the-way-I’d-like-them-to” moments, I challenged myself to breathe and get clear on my perspective for a moment. Realizing that my perspective was rooted in fear, I set myself the task of finding a new perspective, without being attached to my new perspective being anything in particular. In other words, I just started brainstorming, but without the usual panic that can underlie these moments for me. In doing this, what I noticed was that I had a whole host of potential perspectives available to me. Each perspective came with a new menu of options that I might consider to rectify my situation. Even when I entertained the same option or potential solution from a different perspective, the virtue of the different perspective was that it made the option more or less palatable, however the case might be.

This is not a new learning for me. I know about the power of perspective. But it was a moment in which I remembered — on every level – that it’s not enough to get that I can shift perspective. Instead, I need to avail myself of the opportunity to choose the perspective that empowers, rather than the one that keeps me stuck. Regardless of the path I need to follow. When I’m feeling disgruntled, befuddled, overwhelmed or anything of the sort, there’s something to be said for becoming aware of the perspective I’m holding and how it is – or isn’t – serving me. I know that this same learning applies to you.

Bottom-line: sometimes, the challenge with a particular situation isn’t so much the situation itself, but rather the perspective you’re holding. If you’re looking at the world through lenses that are smudged with finger-prints, your perspective will be blurry. Switching to clean lenses – or at least cleaning the lenses you’ve got – will afford you a clearer vision, even while looking at the exact same scenario. So when you’re in doubt, or feeling scared, or overwhelmed, consider changing your metaphorical lenses. A clear perspective always makes for smoother sailing.

Want a Reason to Settle?

When it comes to living your life, doing your work, aspiring to a goal of any sort, the idea of “settling” is somewhat abhorrent. I mean, who wants to “settle” for something, right? I completely agree. In this context, the idea of “settling” isn’t something I would advocate at all. And yet, one of the things I’ve come to learn is that there is a different way to approach the concept of settling, one that actually allows for growth and progress. Let me explain.

Sometimes in your life, you will experience what I will call, for lack of a better word, turmoil. This might be painful in nature, or it might simply be uncomfortable. It could take the form of life accelerating at the speed of light (more or less) and then coming to a rapid halt, leaving you feeling somewhat lost. It could be the feeling that arises after having immersed yourself in a project, giving it 100% of your energy, and once it’s completed you find yourself at loose ends, wondering what to do. It could be the sudden news of a health concern, for you or a loved one. For the purposes of this article, the “turmoil” I’m referring to is really any experience in which you find yourself feeling lost and uncertain as to how to proceed.

The best instruction I ever received in regards to navigating this sort of turmoil came from a trusted teacher of mine, Karen Kimsey-House. Several years ago I found myself in this very situation, the situation of experiencing “turmoil”. At that time, I had just completed the first week-long phase of a leadership program, and had come back to my real life feeling ungrounded and confused. So I called Karen to pick her brain, and gain some insight into how I might re-establish my footing. I will never forget her words of wisdom.

She likened my experience to being in a fishbowl, and having someone take their hand and swirl the waters around. The experience I was having, she said, was just like being in the midst of that swirling water: I couldn’t get grounded, couldn’t see the path to follow. And yet, running around trying to figure things out was only serving to keep the waters swirling. What I needed to do instead was STOP and allow the world around me to settle. When I did this, all would come into focus. Yes, things would be different from what they were before the swirling — after all, things rarely settle in to exactly the way they were before – but they would settle, my surroundings would be visible, I could get my bearings and go confidently in whichever direction felt right.

I have held on to this lesson ever since and have found it helpful on numerous occasions. What I know for sure is that when things get murky, or scary, or otherwise confusing for you, your instinct may well be to scurry around as fast as you can in an effort to regain your equilibrium. And yet, this doesn’t serve as well as you might like. Instead, force yourself – remember, this might seem counter-intuitive and so a little “forcing” might be necessary – to slow down, stop, breathe, SETTLE (or allow things to settle) and then move forward.

Bottom-line: there is a big difference between “settling” in the sense of “giving in” or “giving up”, and “settling” as in “allowing”. The former is deflating and contrary to living your life as fully as possible. The latter is empowering and allows you to live boldly. So go ahead; stop perpetuating the frenzy, allow things to settle, and move forward with confidence and grace.

It’s Time to Shake Things Up!

Here’s a bit of a paradox for you to consider: in an effort to maintain a sense of sanity, people often resist change. At the same time, they wish that their lives could be richer, fuller, happier, or whatever other superlative seems relevant. Do you see the contradiction? In case you don’t, I’ll defer to Albert Einstein who so eloquently said that the definition of insanity is doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results (at least, I think it was Albert Einstein…the other way to frame it is to use the Dr. Philism, “if you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’re gonna get what you’ve always gotten”). That’s right people, you can’t expect your life to be different if you’re so resistant to change that you’re unwilling to try a different approach. What I call the “you-all-change-while-I-enjoy-the-benefits” mentality only serves to keep you stuck, circling endlessly on the merry-go-round when you really want to be on the ferris wheel. If you want things to BE different, it’s time for you to DO things differently.

Why exactly does the thought of change result in heart palpitations for so many people? My experience has been that people often assume that “different” has to be radically so. Now, logically, it makes sense that the bigger the change made, the bigger the change experienced. But sometimes the opposite is in fact true. Sometimes a very small change can result in dramatic differences. In oither words, change doesn’t have to follow the “go big or go home” ideal all the time, or any time for that matter. Instead, change can be made in small increments, until the desired effect is obtained. Want an example? Well, look at these for a start:

• You sit down to work on a project and feel utterly uninspired, so you turn around and face the window. All of a sudden, ideas start flowing and the project gets done easily.
• You walk into your office and feel unmotivated to get anything done. You decide to tackle the pile of papers on your desk — filing, recycling, shredding as appropriate — and find your energy level goes up.
• You incorporate a regular “family budget discussion” time into your week, with you and your partner sharing financial tasks — bill payments and such — and notice that you no longer feel burdened and weighed down all of the time.
• You decide to brighten things up at home, so you add a few throw cushions in your living room, and all of a sudden your furniture “pops” (if you’ve watched any home renovation shows, you know what I mean).

These are all concrete examples of how you can implement change in a small way. Sometimes the change you’re going for is less tangible, but the theory is the same. Whether you’re feeling drained at work, overwhelmed by client demands, or struggling to spend time with your children, if you want change to happen, you need a different approach. At the very least, your outlook needs to shift. So ask yourself, what needs to be different in your life? What new perspective will you try on? What small change can you implement today in order to have your life feel fulfilling, meaningful and rich?

Bottom-line: if you’re walking around feeling stuck in a rut, it doesn’t have to be that way. Things can change. But they’ll only change when you start to do things differently. In short, it’s time to shake things up!

Take Your Dreams and Find Your THEME

Here we are, at the start of a New Year. Actually, given the time frame of school holidays and family vacations, the new year is already well under way for you. Whether it’s January 2nd, , 9th, or any other day, however, I assert that at some point over the past month or so, you started thinking about what you wanted to achieve in 2012, the goals you wanted to set, the resolutions you wanted to create.

As many of you know, I’m somewhat “anti- resolution”. It’s really a matter of semantics, I admit. My preference is to set intentions, which are rather like the precursors to resolutions. In a nutshell, it’s about determining the essence of what I want for myself this year, without getting hung up on the specifics of “how” it will look. So, “I will make healthy lifestyle choices” is an example of an intention, whereas “I will lose 25 pounds by June 30th” is more of a resolution. In other words, what I’m doing is allowing myself to get clear about the overriding context, so that the context becomes my barometer, rather than the specific goal . You’ll notice that I’m not actually against goals; my preference, however, is that goals get set within the framework of intentions.

This process of intention-setting has served me well for the past few years, and as I’ve used the same principle with my clients, their feedback has mirrored my own positive experience. There’s something liberating, you see, when you can free yourself from the specifics and open yourself up to the other possible ways in which the achievement of your goal might look. In other words, goals are important…and you can trip yourself up when you focus too much on one possible manifestation of that goal. As many experts in the field of Law of Attraction will tell you, the law works best when you get really clear and simultaneously let go of attachment. Intentions, I believe, are a brilliant way to do this.

Given the success of my intention-setting, I set myself the task of finding a way to crank up the notch a little. As often happens when I mull things over for a while, I came across a fabulous little gem. It’s the concept of “theme-setting”…as in, what will your theme be for this year? Will it be a year of abundance? A year of peace and relaxation? Your year of family fun? Or maybe 2012 is a year of connection for you? Whatever you choose as your theme, the basic concept is to allow this theme to guide your intentions, which in turn guide your choices, so that you achieve your specific goals, however they might show up.

There are many ways to determine your theme for the coming year. If you’ve already set resolutions, you can absolutely start there and work back. When you look at your resolutions, what do you see as common threads? What’s your overall intention in setting these resolutions? Once you’ve determined your intention, ask yourself, “what is important about this for me?” Whatever your answer to this question, this is likely your theme. So now try it on; what does it feel like to say that 2012 will be your year of _________? If you feel rather giddy with excitement, or a-tingle with anticipation, you’re probably on the right track. The idea is to find a theme that feels compelling and motivating, so that any goals which arise out of the theme are seen and felt as absolutely achievable.

Often, people wonder whether they can choose multiple themes, given the various aspects of their lives. The short answer is “yes”; and, I would challenge you to find one over-riding theme, in the name of simplicity. You see, the simpler you can keep it, the easier it is to stay on task and on target. And when you can articulate your theme for 2012 in a simple way, thereby maintaining your necessary focus, then you’ll be able to look back on this year from the vantage point of December 31, 2012 and say with confidence and absolute certainty, that you created this year to be the year you wanted it to be.

From Beginning to End, From End to Beginning

Those of you who’ve followed me for a while know – and those of you who are new to my subscriber list are about to find out – that I am a BIG fan of the television series “Being Erica.” It’s a Canadian show that I absolutely love. It has a time-travelling element to it, however, that’s not the major appeal for me. Instead, what I truly love is the myriad of coach-like questions and approaches that abound in the program. Seriously. There are problems and challenges galore encountered in each and every episode. And coaching-style solutions are what are used to rectify situations and move on. I love it.

The season finale a couple of week’s ago was about endings. Or, at least, that’s what I thought. Until the brilliant moment when Dr. Nadia, in reference to another character said to Erica, “he’s not resisting the end, he’s resisting the beginning.” (Disclaimer: the quote may not be 100% accurate, but that is the upshot of what was said.) Her poignantly articulated phrase resonated with me in a profound way and got me thinking: how often do I – or you – think I’m not wanting something to end, when in actual fact I’m not wanting something new to start?

I think the timing of this episode is particularly relevant given that we’re standing on the brink of a new year. A year in which, supposedly, the world will end. Personally, I don’t subscribe to this sort of belief. Instead, I look forward to the new year with a nervous anticipation of sorts. The nervousness comes from not knowing what will actually transpire: things could be great, things could be horrible, and things could be anything in between. The anticipation comes from not knowing what will actually transpire: things could be great, things could be horrible, and things could be anything in between. In other words, the “not knowing” brings about both extremes of feeling as I try to prepare for what’s around the proverbial corner. And given the extremes of feeling, it’s not so much that I don’t want the current year to end, it’s that I’m a little bit anxious about the new year starting. As I say that, I can actually feel the resonant truth in the statement, even as there’s truth in the statement that I’m ready for 2011 to be done.

So, how do you gracefully exit from one scenario and into the unknown? How do you let go of what is – no matter how great or how horrible – and grab on to what’s coming, especially when you don’t know if you’ll be grabbing a hold of something fantabulous or something not-so-much? Well, here are a few suggestions to play with:

1. Don’t let go of what is, or what has been, too soon. Take time to savour this past year. Make note of the joys, the challenges, the learnings. Really celebrate all that has been. Making a list of these things can be really helpful.
2. Mark the point of transition with some sort of ritual. New Year’s parties are great for this – but don’t just get caught up in the “festive” aspect of it all. Marry the celebration with some sort of ritual for letting go. Discarding, shredding or burning the list from point #1 is one possible option.
3. Knowing that you can’t actually know what 2012 will bring, focus instead on what you want to create and how you want to be in the next year.
4. Determine what you’d like the year to be filled with, but then let go of your attachment to those things. Open your heart and mind to the possibilities.
5. Cultivate a spirit of expectancy and anticipation. In other words, stand in the place of wonder and awe as the new year unfolds. Coming from this spirit will allow you to enjoy the new beginning so much more, even as you stand in the unknown.

Bottom-line: beginnings and endings naturally flow into one another. The ending of one thing is the natural beginning of another, and vise versa. Being resistant to either of these will not serve. Celebrating endings and welcoming beginnings will allow you to get so much more out of your life. So go ahead. Let go of what’s been; and embrace what is to come.

‘Tis the Season To Be…Grumpy?

This was the phrase that my minister used to open her sermon in church yesterday. As everyone chuckled knowingly and politely, I found myself recalling several moments over the last couple of weeks when I’ve had opportunity to wonder about this very phenomenon. You see, for me, as a Christian, I’m very aware that this season – the Christmas season for me, that of Hannukah, or Diwali or Kwanza for others – is supposed to be one of peace, of joy, and of beauty. On an intrinsic, cellular level, I know that the intention of this time of year is often in direct contrast to what many experience. Why is that? Why are things so crazy-busy, driving many to the brink of breakdown, when the season itself is supposed to be about something completely different?

Let me confess something. Overall, I’m actually okay with the busy, hectic pace of the season. There’s something very vibrant, and alive about the whole thing. Yes, it can be draining, like anything else that you partake of in huge quantities. But it can also be invigorating, at least for me. Yes, I’m weird that way. The hustle and bustle is part of the experience that I savour. It’s busy. The malls are crowded and loud. I have to wait in lines – sometimes really long ones! – to make my purchases. But I’m okay with that. I always have been. There’s something about the energy of people that I just love (although admittedly, I am particularly grateful for the peace and tranquility that awaits me at home following a day of shopping).

Now, I get that not everyone enjoys the sort of frenetic pace that seems to go hand-in-hand with this season. But I have to wonder how much of the frenzy gets created by the unwillingness that many have to just be patient. What might be possible if, despite the busy-ness that abounds during the holidays – whether brought on by shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating or whatever else – every one of us could make a conscious decision to flow with things, to be kind and patient, to be at our best in the midst of it all? I’ll tell you what would be possible: a thoroughly enjoyable holiday.

You see, no matter who you are, what you celebrate, how you celebrate or with whom, what I know for sure is that when you can make the decision to breathe, to slow down, to savour and enjoy the experience – yes, even the mad holiday shopping experience – everything really does flow with ease. That line-up that’s 50 people deep? It passes much quicker when you can converse with the person in front of you, or do a bit of people watching. That parking space that seems so elusive at the mall? It somehow shows up when you just exhibit a bit of patience. Those crazy family-folk who drive you nuts because they’re just so not like you? Somehow you can find the humour in being with them – and the loving connection – when you determine that you will enjoy the holidays and all will be well. How do I know this? Because I’ve been there, done that and lived to tell the tale.

Bottom-line: ‘tis NOT the season to be grumpy. Unless you choose that. And if you do, my guess is it really won’t be all that fun. It really is the season to reach into your soul, clarify how you want to experience the holidays, and then determine to do just that. ‘Tis the season to create the magic, even when it seems like it’s nowhere to be found. You have the power. So engage it. Be deliberate about your holiday experience. And watch the frenzy turn into fun.

Is Time Beating You Up?

The holiday season is a busy one. Any way you slice it, no matter who you are, no matter what you celebrate, this time of year is jam-packed with things to do, places to go, people to see. I know this from my own experience as well as from witnessing the experience of others. There’s a way that to-do lists seem to grow of their own accord, and demands on both your time and energy seem to increase at an alarming rate. Sometimes, it really can feel that you’re being beaten up by time.

Well, here’s what I know for sure: it doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, this is a busy time of year. Yes, there are things to be done – and they seem like they need to be done NOW. However, none of these truths necessarily equate to time getting the better of you. Here are a few tips to help you make friends with time:

1. Limit your focus. At the beginning of each day (or at the end of the previous day) determine what your priorities will be for the stretch of time in front of you. Ideally, limit this list to no more than 5 items. That’s right; stick to 5 items on your to do list. Once this list is done, if you really need to, you can always add 5 more items.
2. Hold the question, “what really matters?” in the forefront of your mind. Knowing what really matters will ensure that you make the right choice and use your time wisely.
3. Chunk your time. Just like keeping your to-do list small, focus on small amounts or chunks of time in any one stretch. One hour segments are great. So, look at your to-do list, determine what you’ll work on, then set your timer and give yourself one hour to do so. At the end of that hour, re-evaluate. If you’re done early, great! If you need more time, determine if you’ll add more time now, or later.
4. Stop pushing yourself past fatigue. The whole “I’ll just finish this task and then I’ll take a break” idea won’t help in the long run. When you’re feeling tired, take a break, even if it’s only for 5 minutes.
5. When you’re done work for the day – whether that’s at 3 o’clock, 5 o’clock or 8 o’clock, be DONE. Turn off your computer and your smartphone and move on to another aspect of your life. This will ensure that every area of your to-do-list gets tackled, not just work things.
6. Build in buffer-time. Don’t over-schedule yourself. Leave at least 20% of your time unscheduled. By doing so, if projects run overtime or an emergency comes up, you won’t end up behind schedule.
7. When you’re working on a specific task, don’t be distracted by the phone, email or colleagues who just want to talk. Make yourself unavailable while you focus on the task at hand, then give your full attention to the phone, email or colleagues for a determined stretch of time (see #3 above).

Bottom-line: no matter who you are, this time of year can get overwhelmingly busy, pretty darn quick. In spite of this, you can make time your friend rather than your enemy. Using the simple strategies above can ensure that you get everything done that needs to be done, and that you’ll keep your sanity – and your health – while doing so. You’ll even be able to have some fun. So go on, make friends with time. You’ll be glad you did.

What Makes You Think You’re So Special?

This is a question I hear a lot of people ask of others. Heck, sometimes I hear people ask it of me. Often, there’s a sneering energy that accompanies the question, a taunt of sorts, the underlying suggestion always being that you are not as great as you think you are. And sometimes, the people on the receiving end of this question are deserving of the taunt; they’re holding themselves as better than others, placing themselves on a pedestal, thinking that nobody measures up to them.

Often, however, the person on the receiving end of the question isn’t the culprit that he or she is being portrayed to be. The culprit, instead, is the asker of the question. And the issue isn’t thinking too highly of one’s self, it’s not thinking highly enough. So rather than take a moment or two to discover their inner greatness, they’ll stand in their perceived “weakness” and endeavour to bring others down to that level. After all, it’s so much easier to stay stuck where you are, rather than rise up to where you want to be, right?

I bring this up in today’s article because one of the things I’ve learned over time is that there is a fine line between excessive pride and excessive humility. Neither of these perspectives will serve you very well, no matter who you are. When you hold yourself as greater than what you are, needing to learn nothing from others and always at the top of your game, you will eventually take yourself out of the game. After all, nobody wants to play with someone who’s arrogant and a know-it-all. On the flip side, if you place yourself on a “lesser playing field” of sorts, you’ll rarely be asked to join the game and, if you are asked, you won’t be able to play to your full potential. Why? Because others won’t necessarily put in the effort to find out what your potential is. Or, if they do invest the effort, they won’t do so for long; they’ll stop championing you forward the minute they realize that they’re more invested in your success than you are.

Part of your job as a human being is to discover, know and own your inner strengths. What are the particular gifts and talents that belong to you? What are you great at? Another part of your job as a human being is to balance this knowledge of your strengths, with knowledge of your weaknesses. Where can you use support? What is your Achilles heel? And once you know these two sides of you, you need to stand in what makes you great, while acknowledging where you need help. This is the essence of confidence.

No matter what your spiritual beliefs, one of the things I know for sure – and this is confirmed for me as I look around the world – is that each and every person on the planet has an innate set of gifts, strengths, and talents as well as areas that need some refinement. Everyone knows something; nobody knows everything. Your job is to truly stand in your greatness, knowing that there is greatness in you, and balance this with the knowledge that there are aspects of you that need some work.

Bottom-line: downplaying your greatness is just as much of a disservice to you as making yourself better than you are. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance; and there’s a fine line between humility and lack of self-esteem. In both cases, bring yourself right up to the line – and make sure you don’t cross over.

Can You See the Gold in Your Relationship?

So, here I am feeling the utmost peace and contentment. Fulfillment is actually the best word to describe my state of being. There’s a sense of peace, of joy, of curiousity, of wonder, and of absolute bliss. It’s like every fiber of my being knows that, no matter what may or may not happen, when it comes right down to it, all is right in my world.

I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly is bringing about this sense of “rightness” in this moment. Granted, it’s what I’m continually aiming for. But I’m still curious about the source in this moment. And while a few possibilities have come to mind, including adequate sleep, meeting deadlines, having implemented a regular yoga practice, and beautiful weather to name a few, these just don’t seem like they’re the determining factor. As I’ve been sitting here mulling this over, the answer has come to me. And it definitely feels a little strange to write about it so publicly. However, what I know for sure is that there is some rich learning here, not only for me, but for you as you read this. And so, let me share.

The reason things seem so right in this moment, is that I have had opportunity in the last few weeks to realize and really heighten my awareness of the blessing that is available to me in my lifelong relationship with my husband. 16 1/2 years ago, we were married; 22 years ago (almost 23) we met. Over that time we’ve been through a lot, we’ve enjoyed a lot, we’ve navigated some tricky moments. There have been great times, and there have been some really tough times. And through it all, he has been

a) Completely supportive of me, who I am, how I show up, and what I want to pursue in my life
b) Willing to hold me accountable to who I say I want to be and what I say I want to do
c) Open to sharing whatever burdens come to us as a family, and finding mutually acceptable solutions
d) Willing to entertain possibility, however that might look

Now, don’t get me wrong. The man’s not perfect. And neither am I. He’s got his flaws, and so do I. In fact, being aware of these imperfections, even as I recognize the blessing that goes beyond those, is the root of the serenity that I’m experiencing right now. There’s a way that each of us – my husband and I – have found a way to be with each other, imperfection and all. We’ve come to realize that the very imperfections that drive each of us nuts – and some of them definitely drive us nuts (consider incessant snoring for the one and continually leaving cupboard doors open for the other – you can guess who’s who) — are what make us paradoxically perfect. And this realization, combined with a willingness to accept it for what it is, is what brings about the sense of absolute fulfillment. Life can bring on its challenges, even when I don’t want them, because I am blessed to have someone in my life who loves me for who I am, who I love for who he is, and with whom I can dance through life’s journey no matter the tempo and style of music.

What I want you to know is this (and herein lies the learning to extrapolate): while I am talking about the blessing of this moment as it relates to my relationship with my husband, what I know for sure is that this sense of fulfillment – this type of relationship – does not have to be found within the parameters of a life-long partnership. You can find it with a parent, with a child, with a friend, with a colleague – but you must find it. There must be someone in your life that you love unconditionally – as sappy as that sounds – and who loves you back in the same way. Who is there in your life that you can fully accept for who they are, even when they drive you nuts? Who is there in your life that fully accepts you for who you are, even when you drive him or her nuts? Knowing who this person is, being aware of their presence in your life and acknowledging the anchor they provide is an experience like no other.

Bottom-line: there’s gold in at least one of your relationships. Making yourself aware of this gold will fill your life with peace. Why? Because it allows you to know that no matter what life hands you, you can handle it. Life is good. And all will always be well, however that looks. So, very publicly and loudly, let me declare my heartfelt thanks to Scott Barker – my husband – the man who ensures my life is a peaceful one, even when the world around is spinning like mad. You are rock-solid gold, and I am blessed to have you in my life!