Is It Time to Change Your Lenses?

I’m a big believer in the power of holding the right perspective. Now, when I say “right” perspective, I’m not suggesting that there is only one perspective for all. Instead the “right” perspective is the perspective that empowers you to move forward toward your objectives, whatever they might be, with reasonable confidence and surety. When it comes to goal achievement, perspective can be either a powerful ally or a wall that stops you in your tracks. This is something I know from first-hand experience. Let me explain.

At various times in my life, I have been excited about moving towards a particular objective. Sometimes it’s a financial goal. Sometimes it’s been the completion of a project. At other times it’s been the acquisition of something in particular, or maybe the planning of a trip or family excursion. Whatever the objective, there’s a way that I can get pretty excited about taking the seed of an idea and making it a reality.

The challenge for me – and I know many of you have the same experience – arises when my plans start to look different from what I originally envisioned. Maybe the timeline is turning out to be longer than I imagined. Maybe the response to an event I’m hosting or program I’m running isn’t quite as enthusiastic as I’d anticipated. Maybe the money that I’ve been looking for isn’t coming forth in the way I’d hoped or as quickly as I’d like. However the deviation occurs, it brings about a sense of deflation for me. Yes, I stall. Believe it or not, my historic pattern is to beat myself up, assume I’m messing up, that I’ve done something wrong and then to start desperately trying to “fix” things which, inevitably, only exacerbates the issue. I start panicking, and panic never brings about great solutions, at least not in my experience. (For those of you who are flabbergasted by the idea of me being panicked or overwhelmed in any way, please remember that I too am human; I have my foibles, as much as any other human ? ).

The other day, finding myself in one of those “things-aren’t-looking-the-way-I’d-like-them-to” moments, I challenged myself to breathe and get clear on my perspective for a moment. Realizing that my perspective was rooted in fear, I set myself the task of finding a new perspective, without being attached to my new perspective being anything in particular. In other words, I just started brainstorming, but without the usual panic that can underlie these moments for me. In doing this, what I noticed was that I had a whole host of potential perspectives available to me. Each perspective came with a new menu of options that I might consider to rectify my situation. Even when I entertained the same option or potential solution from a different perspective, the virtue of the different perspective was that it made the option more or less palatable, however the case might be.

This is not a new learning for me. I know about the power of perspective. But it was a moment in which I remembered — on every level – that it’s not enough to get that I can shift perspective. Instead, I need to avail myself of the opportunity to choose the perspective that empowers, rather than the one that keeps me stuck. Regardless of the path I need to follow. When I’m feeling disgruntled, befuddled, overwhelmed or anything of the sort, there’s something to be said for becoming aware of the perspective I’m holding and how it is – or isn’t – serving me. I know that this same learning applies to you.

Bottom-line: sometimes, the challenge with a particular situation isn’t so much the situation itself, but rather the perspective you’re holding. If you’re looking at the world through lenses that are smudged with finger-prints, your perspective will be blurry. Switching to clean lenses – or at least cleaning the lenses you’ve got – will afford you a clearer vision, even while looking at the exact same scenario. So when you’re in doubt, or feeling scared, or overwhelmed, consider changing your metaphorical lenses. A clear perspective always makes for smoother sailing.

Want a Reason to Settle?

When it comes to living your life, doing your work, aspiring to a goal of any sort, the idea of “settling” is somewhat abhorrent. I mean, who wants to “settle” for something, right? I completely agree. In this context, the idea of “settling” isn’t something I would advocate at all. And yet, one of the things I’ve come to learn is that there is a different way to approach the concept of settling, one that actually allows for growth and progress. Let me explain.

Sometimes in your life, you will experience what I will call, for lack of a better word, turmoil. This might be painful in nature, or it might simply be uncomfortable. It could take the form of life accelerating at the speed of light (more or less) and then coming to a rapid halt, leaving you feeling somewhat lost. It could be the feeling that arises after having immersed yourself in a project, giving it 100% of your energy, and once it’s completed you find yourself at loose ends, wondering what to do. It could be the sudden news of a health concern, for you or a loved one. For the purposes of this article, the “turmoil” I’m referring to is really any experience in which you find yourself feeling lost and uncertain as to how to proceed.

The best instruction I ever received in regards to navigating this sort of turmoil came from a trusted teacher of mine, Karen Kimsey-House. Several years ago I found myself in this very situation, the situation of experiencing “turmoil”. At that time, I had just completed the first week-long phase of a leadership program, and had come back to my real life feeling ungrounded and confused. So I called Karen to pick her brain, and gain some insight into how I might re-establish my footing. I will never forget her words of wisdom.

She likened my experience to being in a fishbowl, and having someone take their hand and swirl the waters around. The experience I was having, she said, was just like being in the midst of that swirling water: I couldn’t get grounded, couldn’t see the path to follow. And yet, running around trying to figure things out was only serving to keep the waters swirling. What I needed to do instead was STOP and allow the world around me to settle. When I did this, all would come into focus. Yes, things would be different from what they were before the swirling — after all, things rarely settle in to exactly the way they were before – but they would settle, my surroundings would be visible, I could get my bearings and go confidently in whichever direction felt right.

I have held on to this lesson ever since and have found it helpful on numerous occasions. What I know for sure is that when things get murky, or scary, or otherwise confusing for you, your instinct may well be to scurry around as fast as you can in an effort to regain your equilibrium. And yet, this doesn’t serve as well as you might like. Instead, force yourself – remember, this might seem counter-intuitive and so a little “forcing” might be necessary – to slow down, stop, breathe, SETTLE (or allow things to settle) and then move forward.

Bottom-line: there is a big difference between “settling” in the sense of “giving in” or “giving up”, and “settling” as in “allowing”. The former is deflating and contrary to living your life as fully as possible. The latter is empowering and allows you to live boldly. So go ahead; stop perpetuating the frenzy, allow things to settle, and move forward with confidence and grace.

It’s Time to Shake Things Up!

Here’s a bit of a paradox for you to consider: in an effort to maintain a sense of sanity, people often resist change. At the same time, they wish that their lives could be richer, fuller, happier, or whatever other superlative seems relevant. Do you see the contradiction? In case you don’t, I’ll defer to Albert Einstein who so eloquently said that the definition of insanity is doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results (at least, I think it was Albert Einstein…the other way to frame it is to use the Dr. Philism, “if you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’re gonna get what you’ve always gotten”). That’s right people, you can’t expect your life to be different if you’re so resistant to change that you’re unwilling to try a different approach. What I call the “you-all-change-while-I-enjoy-the-benefits” mentality only serves to keep you stuck, circling endlessly on the merry-go-round when you really want to be on the ferris wheel. If you want things to BE different, it’s time for you to DO things differently.

Why exactly does the thought of change result in heart palpitations for so many people? My experience has been that people often assume that “different” has to be radically so. Now, logically, it makes sense that the bigger the change made, the bigger the change experienced. But sometimes the opposite is in fact true. Sometimes a very small change can result in dramatic differences. In oither words, change doesn’t have to follow the “go big or go home” ideal all the time, or any time for that matter. Instead, change can be made in small increments, until the desired effect is obtained. Want an example? Well, look at these for a start:

• You sit down to work on a project and feel utterly uninspired, so you turn around and face the window. All of a sudden, ideas start flowing and the project gets done easily.
• You walk into your office and feel unmotivated to get anything done. You decide to tackle the pile of papers on your desk — filing, recycling, shredding as appropriate — and find your energy level goes up.
• You incorporate a regular “family budget discussion” time into your week, with you and your partner sharing financial tasks — bill payments and such — and notice that you no longer feel burdened and weighed down all of the time.
• You decide to brighten things up at home, so you add a few throw cushions in your living room, and all of a sudden your furniture “pops” (if you’ve watched any home renovation shows, you know what I mean).

These are all concrete examples of how you can implement change in a small way. Sometimes the change you’re going for is less tangible, but the theory is the same. Whether you’re feeling drained at work, overwhelmed by client demands, or struggling to spend time with your children, if you want change to happen, you need a different approach. At the very least, your outlook needs to shift. So ask yourself, what needs to be different in your life? What new perspective will you try on? What small change can you implement today in order to have your life feel fulfilling, meaningful and rich?

Bottom-line: if you’re walking around feeling stuck in a rut, it doesn’t have to be that way. Things can change. But they’ll only change when you start to do things differently. In short, it’s time to shake things up!

Take Your Dreams and Find Your THEME

Here we are, at the start of a New Year. Actually, given the time frame of school holidays and family vacations, the new year is already well under way for you. Whether it’s January 2nd, , 9th, or any other day, however, I assert that at some point over the past month or so, you started thinking about what you wanted to achieve in 2012, the goals you wanted to set, the resolutions you wanted to create.

As many of you know, I’m somewhat “anti- resolution”. It’s really a matter of semantics, I admit. My preference is to set intentions, which are rather like the precursors to resolutions. In a nutshell, it’s about determining the essence of what I want for myself this year, without getting hung up on the specifics of “how” it will look. So, “I will make healthy lifestyle choices” is an example of an intention, whereas “I will lose 25 pounds by June 30th” is more of a resolution. In other words, what I’m doing is allowing myself to get clear about the overriding context, so that the context becomes my barometer, rather than the specific goal . You’ll notice that I’m not actually against goals; my preference, however, is that goals get set within the framework of intentions.

This process of intention-setting has served me well for the past few years, and as I’ve used the same principle with my clients, their feedback has mirrored my own positive experience. There’s something liberating, you see, when you can free yourself from the specifics and open yourself up to the other possible ways in which the achievement of your goal might look. In other words, goals are important…and you can trip yourself up when you focus too much on one possible manifestation of that goal. As many experts in the field of Law of Attraction will tell you, the law works best when you get really clear and simultaneously let go of attachment. Intentions, I believe, are a brilliant way to do this.

Given the success of my intention-setting, I set myself the task of finding a way to crank up the notch a little. As often happens when I mull things over for a while, I came across a fabulous little gem. It’s the concept of “theme-setting”…as in, what will your theme be for this year? Will it be a year of abundance? A year of peace and relaxation? Your year of family fun? Or maybe 2012 is a year of connection for you? Whatever you choose as your theme, the basic concept is to allow this theme to guide your intentions, which in turn guide your choices, so that you achieve your specific goals, however they might show up.

There are many ways to determine your theme for the coming year. If you’ve already set resolutions, you can absolutely start there and work back. When you look at your resolutions, what do you see as common threads? What’s your overall intention in setting these resolutions? Once you’ve determined your intention, ask yourself, “what is important about this for me?” Whatever your answer to this question, this is likely your theme. So now try it on; what does it feel like to say that 2012 will be your year of _________? If you feel rather giddy with excitement, or a-tingle with anticipation, you’re probably on the right track. The idea is to find a theme that feels compelling and motivating, so that any goals which arise out of the theme are seen and felt as absolutely achievable.

Often, people wonder whether they can choose multiple themes, given the various aspects of their lives. The short answer is “yes”; and, I would challenge you to find one over-riding theme, in the name of simplicity. You see, the simpler you can keep it, the easier it is to stay on task and on target. And when you can articulate your theme for 2012 in a simple way, thereby maintaining your necessary focus, then you’ll be able to look back on this year from the vantage point of December 31, 2012 and say with confidence and absolute certainty, that you created this year to be the year you wanted it to be.