From Beginning to End, From End to Beginning

Those of you who’ve followed me for a while know – and those of you who are new to my subscriber list are about to find out – that I am a BIG fan of the television series “Being Erica.” It’s a Canadian show that I absolutely love. It has a time-travelling element to it, however, that’s not the major appeal for me. Instead, what I truly love is the myriad of coach-like questions and approaches that abound in the program. Seriously. There are problems and challenges galore encountered in each and every episode. And coaching-style solutions are what are used to rectify situations and move on. I love it.

The season finale a couple of week’s ago was about endings. Or, at least, that’s what I thought. Until the brilliant moment when Dr. Nadia, in reference to another character said to Erica, “he’s not resisting the end, he’s resisting the beginning.” (Disclaimer: the quote may not be 100% accurate, but that is the upshot of what was said.) Her poignantly articulated phrase resonated with me in a profound way and got me thinking: how often do I – or you – think I’m not wanting something to end, when in actual fact I’m not wanting something new to start?

I think the timing of this episode is particularly relevant given that we’re standing on the brink of a new year. A year in which, supposedly, the world will end. Personally, I don’t subscribe to this sort of belief. Instead, I look forward to the new year with a nervous anticipation of sorts. The nervousness comes from not knowing what will actually transpire: things could be great, things could be horrible, and things could be anything in between. The anticipation comes from not knowing what will actually transpire: things could be great, things could be horrible, and things could be anything in between. In other words, the “not knowing” brings about both extremes of feeling as I try to prepare for what’s around the proverbial corner. And given the extremes of feeling, it’s not so much that I don’t want the current year to end, it’s that I’m a little bit anxious about the new year starting. As I say that, I can actually feel the resonant truth in the statement, even as there’s truth in the statement that I’m ready for 2011 to be done.

So, how do you gracefully exit from one scenario and into the unknown? How do you let go of what is – no matter how great or how horrible – and grab on to what’s coming, especially when you don’t know if you’ll be grabbing a hold of something fantabulous or something not-so-much? Well, here are a few suggestions to play with:

1. Don’t let go of what is, or what has been, too soon. Take time to savour this past year. Make note of the joys, the challenges, the learnings. Really celebrate all that has been. Making a list of these things can be really helpful.
2. Mark the point of transition with some sort of ritual. New Year’s parties are great for this – but don’t just get caught up in the “festive” aspect of it all. Marry the celebration with some sort of ritual for letting go. Discarding, shredding or burning the list from point #1 is one possible option.
3. Knowing that you can’t actually know what 2012 will bring, focus instead on what you want to create and how you want to be in the next year.
4. Determine what you’d like the year to be filled with, but then let go of your attachment to those things. Open your heart and mind to the possibilities.
5. Cultivate a spirit of expectancy and anticipation. In other words, stand in the place of wonder and awe as the new year unfolds. Coming from this spirit will allow you to enjoy the new beginning so much more, even as you stand in the unknown.

Bottom-line: beginnings and endings naturally flow into one another. The ending of one thing is the natural beginning of another, and vise versa. Being resistant to either of these will not serve. Celebrating endings and welcoming beginnings will allow you to get so much more out of your life. So go ahead. Let go of what’s been; and embrace what is to come.

‘Tis the Season To Be…Grumpy?

This was the phrase that my minister used to open her sermon in church yesterday. As everyone chuckled knowingly and politely, I found myself recalling several moments over the last couple of weeks when I’ve had opportunity to wonder about this very phenomenon. You see, for me, as a Christian, I’m very aware that this season – the Christmas season for me, that of Hannukah, or Diwali or Kwanza for others – is supposed to be one of peace, of joy, and of beauty. On an intrinsic, cellular level, I know that the intention of this time of year is often in direct contrast to what many experience. Why is that? Why are things so crazy-busy, driving many to the brink of breakdown, when the season itself is supposed to be about something completely different?

Let me confess something. Overall, I’m actually okay with the busy, hectic pace of the season. There’s something very vibrant, and alive about the whole thing. Yes, it can be draining, like anything else that you partake of in huge quantities. But it can also be invigorating, at least for me. Yes, I’m weird that way. The hustle and bustle is part of the experience that I savour. It’s busy. The malls are crowded and loud. I have to wait in lines – sometimes really long ones! – to make my purchases. But I’m okay with that. I always have been. There’s something about the energy of people that I just love (although admittedly, I am particularly grateful for the peace and tranquility that awaits me at home following a day of shopping).

Now, I get that not everyone enjoys the sort of frenetic pace that seems to go hand-in-hand with this season. But I have to wonder how much of the frenzy gets created by the unwillingness that many have to just be patient. What might be possible if, despite the busy-ness that abounds during the holidays – whether brought on by shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating or whatever else – every one of us could make a conscious decision to flow with things, to be kind and patient, to be at our best in the midst of it all? I’ll tell you what would be possible: a thoroughly enjoyable holiday.

You see, no matter who you are, what you celebrate, how you celebrate or with whom, what I know for sure is that when you can make the decision to breathe, to slow down, to savour and enjoy the experience – yes, even the mad holiday shopping experience – everything really does flow with ease. That line-up that’s 50 people deep? It passes much quicker when you can converse with the person in front of you, or do a bit of people watching. That parking space that seems so elusive at the mall? It somehow shows up when you just exhibit a bit of patience. Those crazy family-folk who drive you nuts because they’re just so not like you? Somehow you can find the humour in being with them – and the loving connection – when you determine that you will enjoy the holidays and all will be well. How do I know this? Because I’ve been there, done that and lived to tell the tale.

Bottom-line: ‘tis NOT the season to be grumpy. Unless you choose that. And if you do, my guess is it really won’t be all that fun. It really is the season to reach into your soul, clarify how you want to experience the holidays, and then determine to do just that. ‘Tis the season to create the magic, even when it seems like it’s nowhere to be found. You have the power. So engage it. Be deliberate about your holiday experience. And watch the frenzy turn into fun.

Is Time Beating You Up?

The holiday season is a busy one. Any way you slice it, no matter who you are, no matter what you celebrate, this time of year is jam-packed with things to do, places to go, people to see. I know this from my own experience as well as from witnessing the experience of others. There’s a way that to-do lists seem to grow of their own accord, and demands on both your time and energy seem to increase at an alarming rate. Sometimes, it really can feel that you’re being beaten up by time.

Well, here’s what I know for sure: it doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, this is a busy time of year. Yes, there are things to be done – and they seem like they need to be done NOW. However, none of these truths necessarily equate to time getting the better of you. Here are a few tips to help you make friends with time:

1. Limit your focus. At the beginning of each day (or at the end of the previous day) determine what your priorities will be for the stretch of time in front of you. Ideally, limit this list to no more than 5 items. That’s right; stick to 5 items on your to do list. Once this list is done, if you really need to, you can always add 5 more items.
2. Hold the question, “what really matters?” in the forefront of your mind. Knowing what really matters will ensure that you make the right choice and use your time wisely.
3. Chunk your time. Just like keeping your to-do list small, focus on small amounts or chunks of time in any one stretch. One hour segments are great. So, look at your to-do list, determine what you’ll work on, then set your timer and give yourself one hour to do so. At the end of that hour, re-evaluate. If you’re done early, great! If you need more time, determine if you’ll add more time now, or later.
4. Stop pushing yourself past fatigue. The whole “I’ll just finish this task and then I’ll take a break” idea won’t help in the long run. When you’re feeling tired, take a break, even if it’s only for 5 minutes.
5. When you’re done work for the day – whether that’s at 3 o’clock, 5 o’clock or 8 o’clock, be DONE. Turn off your computer and your smartphone and move on to another aspect of your life. This will ensure that every area of your to-do-list gets tackled, not just work things.
6. Build in buffer-time. Don’t over-schedule yourself. Leave at least 20% of your time unscheduled. By doing so, if projects run overtime or an emergency comes up, you won’t end up behind schedule.
7. When you’re working on a specific task, don’t be distracted by the phone, email or colleagues who just want to talk. Make yourself unavailable while you focus on the task at hand, then give your full attention to the phone, email or colleagues for a determined stretch of time (see #3 above).

Bottom-line: no matter who you are, this time of year can get overwhelmingly busy, pretty darn quick. In spite of this, you can make time your friend rather than your enemy. Using the simple strategies above can ensure that you get everything done that needs to be done, and that you’ll keep your sanity – and your health – while doing so. You’ll even be able to have some fun. So go on, make friends with time. You’ll be glad you did.

What Makes You Think You’re So Special?

This is a question I hear a lot of people ask of others. Heck, sometimes I hear people ask it of me. Often, there’s a sneering energy that accompanies the question, a taunt of sorts, the underlying suggestion always being that you are not as great as you think you are. And sometimes, the people on the receiving end of this question are deserving of the taunt; they’re holding themselves as better than others, placing themselves on a pedestal, thinking that nobody measures up to them.

Often, however, the person on the receiving end of the question isn’t the culprit that he or she is being portrayed to be. The culprit, instead, is the asker of the question. And the issue isn’t thinking too highly of one’s self, it’s not thinking highly enough. So rather than take a moment or two to discover their inner greatness, they’ll stand in their perceived “weakness” and endeavour to bring others down to that level. After all, it’s so much easier to stay stuck where you are, rather than rise up to where you want to be, right?

I bring this up in today’s article because one of the things I’ve learned over time is that there is a fine line between excessive pride and excessive humility. Neither of these perspectives will serve you very well, no matter who you are. When you hold yourself as greater than what you are, needing to learn nothing from others and always at the top of your game, you will eventually take yourself out of the game. After all, nobody wants to play with someone who’s arrogant and a know-it-all. On the flip side, if you place yourself on a “lesser playing field” of sorts, you’ll rarely be asked to join the game and, if you are asked, you won’t be able to play to your full potential. Why? Because others won’t necessarily put in the effort to find out what your potential is. Or, if they do invest the effort, they won’t do so for long; they’ll stop championing you forward the minute they realize that they’re more invested in your success than you are.

Part of your job as a human being is to discover, know and own your inner strengths. What are the particular gifts and talents that belong to you? What are you great at? Another part of your job as a human being is to balance this knowledge of your strengths, with knowledge of your weaknesses. Where can you use support? What is your Achilles heel? And once you know these two sides of you, you need to stand in what makes you great, while acknowledging where you need help. This is the essence of confidence.

No matter what your spiritual beliefs, one of the things I know for sure – and this is confirmed for me as I look around the world – is that each and every person on the planet has an innate set of gifts, strengths, and talents as well as areas that need some refinement. Everyone knows something; nobody knows everything. Your job is to truly stand in your greatness, knowing that there is greatness in you, and balance this with the knowledge that there are aspects of you that need some work.

Bottom-line: downplaying your greatness is just as much of a disservice to you as making yourself better than you are. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance; and there’s a fine line between humility and lack of self-esteem. In both cases, bring yourself right up to the line – and make sure you don’t cross over.