The Best Leaders Keep Things Real

So here’s the thing.  Sometimes, things go awry, wonky, off-the-rails.  The best-laid plans can turn into veritable nightmares.  Success can take on a different form from what was anticipated — not as grand, not as big, or maybe the opposite — off the charts.  Life being what it is, you can visualize, plan and work until you’re blue in the face, and you’ll still get the rug pulled out from underneath you from time to time.  Because you can’t plan for every eventuality.  Because your plans are butting up against the plans of others and sometimes they don’t align in the way that you’d like.

I know.  I’m smack in the throes of experiencing things looking differently from what I imagine.  Luckily, I also know on a very cellular level that all will end up as it needs to, which means they will end up fine and I’ll look back and wonder what the fuss was about.  And yet, right here right now, frustration and a smidge of angst are in fact my prevailing emotions.  Actually, forget “smidge” — there’s a good deal of angst.  Thank goodness for grounding, meditating and journalling practices to keep me from throwing in the towel altogether.

One of the frustrating aspects of this sort of emotional whirlwind is the underlying story that successful leaders aren’t allowed to field curveballs and certainly aren’t allowed to be thrown off course by them.  Successful leaders are supposed to always know what to do, have a plan that works all the time, and be brilliantly and wildly focused at all times, aren’t they?  Which, in light of my aforementioned frustration and angst would make me (and anyone else feeling similarly) NOT successful as a leader.

STOP.  Reverse.  So not true.  In actual fact, the best leaders find a way to navigate the frustration and angst.  As I look at some of the great leaders of our time, I see that they struggle as much as anyone else, they have moments of feeling unclear, they go off course — and they find their way back.  They acknowledge frustration — not necessarily giving into it, but acknowledging it — and move through angst, and get back on course or find a new course.  That’s what makes them great.  And always, they do it with the help and support of a team who can allow the frustration, not judge it as less than leader-worthy, and remind them of their focus.  It’s a good thing.

Bottom-line:  being a leader does not make you immune to the less-than-pleasant aspects of life.  Frustration, angst, failure, worry are all part of the experience, as much — if not moreso — than for those who aren’t leaders.  Denying that these experiences and emotions exist is not part of your mandate as a leader; instead, it’s about keeping it real, and moving on.  It can be done.   Both the “keeping it real” and the “moving on.”  |In fact, the former serves the latter; when you keep things real, you find the way to move on.  Which is a really good thing.

Wrapping Things Up? No Ribbons & Bows Required

For me, today is the end of my work week.  I generally take Fridays to focus on personal matters.  I used to call it a day off, however, it’s not really.  Between all the laundry, groceries, cleaning, etc; that I do on Fridays, calling it a day off seems like an insult to the term.  All that to say that Thursdays are often my “wrap-up day” when it comes to the professional side of my life.

Here’s the challenge, especially of late, when things are morphing and evolving rapidly in my business.  It’s almost as though projects are taking on a life of their own and, as a result, there is SO much to do — always.  Things are getting done, for sure, and still the to-do list never ends.  Which is not a complaint at all; it is, however, an observation and one that poses a bit of a challenge to say the least.

You see, I am a person who prefers — like so many people I know — to wrap things up neatly and start with a clean slate each day.  Wrapping things up neatly means reaching the end of the day with each and every project or task on my to-do list having come to a natural stopping point, if not being completed in their entirety.  Lately this is becoming less and less possible.  I’m having to carry things over to the next day, unless I’m willing to work into the evening hours, which I’m not, due to other commitments.   Which means “wrapping things up” isn’t happening in the way I like to see things “wrap up.”  So I’m having to find new ways and attitudes for successfully leaving projects at the end of the day, and returning to them at the next opportunity, without guilt or pressure arising from the fact that it didn’t get “done” the day before.

My sense is that this is a good learning moment for me.  I’m discovering (actually, I’m re-discovering) the art of pushing myself to complete something while simultaneously allowing myself to let a task go when the end of the day hits, knowing that it will be waiting for me when I return.  That is not to say that I can ignore deadlines in any way.  When a deadline is looming, I may well have to extend my work-day to meet said deadline.  In order to avoid this sort of circumstance, I do have to be organized, plan my time well, and be focused while I am working.  Assuming all of these things are in place, then I can rest easy each and every day, knowing that while I might not be able to put a metaphorical bow on each and every project come day’s end, I can let said projects go from my consciousness once my internal time-clock beeps, and continue working on them with a fresh outlook and perspective when I return.

Bottom-line:  pushing to complete to do lists in their entirety everyday is an admirable objective.  And, you’ve got to balance your drive with an acknowledgment of when it’s time to rest.  Wrapping things up with ribbons and bows is lovely; and it doesn’t have to happen everyday.  Some things can — and must — wait until tomorrow.

Stretch or Stagnate: There’s Pain Either Way

So, I’ve been experiencing the joys of stretching lately.  I say this with tongue in cheek.  I can’t honestly say that I feel a whole lot of joy in the stretching, at least not inherently; instead there’s a good deal of pain.

And I’m not talking about physical stretching here, the kind that you associate with exercise.  Instead,  I’m talking about the mental stretching required for me to move to a new level in my business.  It’s the entrepreneurial way, I believe.  Continual stretching, growing, evolving.  And stretching — the sort of stretching that’s actually going to get you to a new level — inherently involves pain, to a certain degree.  Not unbearable pain.  But enough pain to be uncomfortable.  I guess that’s the actual feeling — discomfort.

The alternative to stretching is to stagnate.  As in “stay where you are, maintain the status quo.”  The challenge is that stagnation is painful as well.  It’s painful because you don’t grow, evolve or shift in any way.  Instead, you atrophy, slowly but surely.  And who wants that?  I don’t know; maybe some do.  My sense, however, is that leadership requires growth, stretch and evolution.  And so, pain — or at least discomfort — goes hand-in-hand with effective leadership.

There are payoffs, I know it.  The experience of success, of accomplishment, of vision made manifest.  And, you’ve got to stretch, go through the pain and discomfort, before you can experience the gifts.

Bottom-line:  as a leader you’re going to hit a point where you’ve either got to stretch or stagnate.  There’s pain either way.  But only one will get you where you want to go.  Stretch with me?

Continuing to Learn the Lessons

I’ve been reminded this week of something that I once heard a client say:  “I come back to this issue a lot, but it’s always at a whole new level, with a whole new learning.”

This week I began my participation in a high-level mindset and marketing group.  It’s been a long while since I’ve been involved with something like this, in a way that felt like it truly served.  Already, I’ve gained numerous insights and had significant breakthroughs; that’s the power of a group of like-minded people in a room, all with the deliberate intent to support each other in their growth, whatever that might look like.

The insights and learnings I gleaned aren’t particularly new; I’ve been aware of them in some way, shape or form for some time now.  And yet, there was something in the power of the group that had the insights take on a new meaning, a meaning that had powerful impact and had me become aware of some next steps that have been eluding me for a bit.  Powerful, powerful stuff.

I referenced my client’s quote at the beginning of this post because I’m reminded — and what you to know — that learning is an ongoing process.  Even lessons learned once, sometimes have to be re-learned, at a new level, in a new circumstance for you to be able to move forward.  My sense is that this is a function of your constant growth and evolution.  The way you learned and hear a lesson when you were in college, differs from the way you learn and hear that same lesson within the context of a growing family, or as you transition between jobs.

Bottom-line:  ongoing learning is very much part of life’s deal.  And it’s not just about learning new things.  Sometimes, it’s about re-learning old things.  Being open to all of the learning is what allows you to keep moving on up. Knowing this, my question to you is this: what do you need to learn or relearn today?

Onward and upward…

The Need for Compassion…Again

I’ve written about the need for compassion before.  My sense is that it bears repeating.  Why?  Because I look around the world, in sort of an everyday context, and I’ve got to wonder, “where the heck did it go?”  (As in, “where the heck did compassion go, not “the world”!)

Saturday morning found me at the hospital with my parents.  My dad’s got a WICKED cough, and what appeared to be (and has since been confirmed as)  the flu.  The wait time to see the doctor was painfully long — we were there for 7 hours total — and I wasn’t the one trying to get comfortable.  Between lengthy coughing fits, body aches, unbelievable fatigue from lack of sleep, all my dad wanted — and needed — was for someone to give him a place to lie down, show some understanding and hear him out.  Wasn’t happening.

For whatever reason, the triage nurse just didn’t have the time to listen to his complaints.  Her job, as far as I could tell, was to get him registered, mark down his symptoms, then keep him waiting until a bed was available.  I get it.  And yet, there was something about watching a waiting room full of ill people — many of whom were seniors — just waiting to be taken care of that was heart-wrenching.  Especially when they would approach the window to speak with the nurse, sometimes ask a question or register worsening symptoms, only to be left speaking to the side of her head while she typed away at her computer in silence.  Really?  I’ve got to wonder, what would it have taken for her to at least say, “I understand” or, “I know you’re uncomfortable” — something that expressed compassion.  I mean, even if  she had turned to her colleague and rolled her eyes after my dad or others had lodged complaints or expressed concern and turned away, at least my dad and his waiting room compadres would have FELT heard.

I know from my own experience on both sides of this fence, when someone is sick, all they want is to be made comfortable.  And when you’re the one dealing with the person who’s sick, all you want is for them to understand that there’s only so much you can do.  And yet, my personal sense is that the person who’s not sick is in the better position to express compassion, at least for a bit.  So here’s my question:  what does it take to express compassion?

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Send me a quick email or post your thoughts on this site.  This one’s definitely got me curious.

Balancing the Push and the Pull

A couple of years ago when I was in the throes of my leadership program, I was introduced to the juxtaposition in life of “homeostasis” and “emergence.”  In a nutshell, these are opposing forces that are in constant play in the game of life.  Homeostasis is about staying the same, staying right where you are, hanging out in what you know.  Emergence, on the other hand, is about being called into a new way of being, a new course of action, something as yet unknown.  There’s a way in which the human experience demands both.

I notice this in my business all the time.  There are things that I do well, that I like doing, that I’m comfortable with — and I generally want to keep doing these things and hanging out in these spaces.  I know them, I’m familiar with them — why change?  And yet, I cannot deny that there is always a part of me that feels called to something else, something different, something that will stretch me.  Could be a new course to take, a new program to offer, a new product to develop.  No matter what it is, it simultaneously excites me  and scares the pants off me.  And so I feel this constant push towards the new, even while the old wants to pull me back.  It’s like my life is playing a cosmic game of tug of war, only I’m the rope.

What I’m learning — and the learning started when I was first introduced to the concept two years ago — is that both of these conditions are necessary.  I actually need to heed the call of both.  I need to allow myself to be pushed forward (or pulled forward as the case might be) by the desire of emergence, the craving for something new AND I need to allow the pull-back of homeostasis to keep me from moving ahead too rapidly.  I need to balance the moving forward with the staying put.  The newness can definitely keep me from stagnating, which is a good thing; and the stuff that I know can keep me from getting overwhelmed by all there is that I haven’t experienced or known before.

Bottom-line:  feeling simultaneously pushed and pulled isn’t a bad thing.  Being aware of both, allowing a space for both, allows you to move forward and stretch with a modicum of balance, slowly releasing what you know and are comfortable with, even as you step into whatever’s next for you.  It’s a good way to be.

Find the Gift Already!

So here’s what I’m noticing.  Here in southwestern Ontario we’ve all been preparing for a major snowstorm — lots of snow, blizzard-like winds, freezing temps — the sort of stuff that makes the roads dicey to say the least, if not entirely undriveable (I know, it’s not a real word, but you get my point).  The sort of weather where it really does feel better to stay in your jammies, cuddle up under a blanket with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and just read a good book.  No matter how bad the weather, however, it doesn’t happen all that often that employers close their doors or reduce their open hours — after all, there’s stuff to do, work to be completed, etc; etc;.

Well, as circumstances would have it, our particular geographical area has had a few of these crazy-weather days in the last two months, AND our schools have actually been closed for 6 of those thus far, including today (5 were before the Christmas break).  Many services and business operations also closed their doors based on the weather which was sometimes predicted to be worse than actually transpired.  Which doesn’t really bother me; I’d rather have people be safe than sorry, and I know that we can only make decisions to the best of our ability with the information that we have at hand.

Here’s the thing:  it would appear that many people — actually, a LOT of people — cannot take the gift that’s been handed them, namely an unexpected, unplanned day to relax and rejuvenate, without griping about how they’ve got far too much work to do and don’t have time for this.  I know, I can be just as guilty of this sort of thing.  What I know for sure, however, is that the “work that has to be done” can actually wait.  Even if there’s a deadline attached, there really isn’t anything that’s indelibly carved in stone.  Deadlines can be changed, the world will not stop if a deadline is missed, believe it or not the sun will rise again — even if you stop and take the gift of this day and just go nurture whatever other aspect of your life needs to get nurtured.

I think the challenge in this is that those of you in leadership positions have got to lead the way.  You’ve got to be a model of working efficiently for sure, however, you’ve also got to model being relaxed enough to go with the flow, to trim your sails to match the wind, to show those following you that you can find the gift — the opportunity — in every situation and make the best of it.  This isn’t about being a Pollyanna; this is about taking whatever circumstances  you’re given, being grateful for it and embracing the gift therein, knowing that the regular routine will resume sooner than you realize.

Bottom-line:  I know you’ve got stuff to do, people to meet with, issues to resolve.  Let it go for a day.  Whether it’s the weather or illness or being needed by your family, quit griping about “having to stay home” and just do it already.  Embrace the gift of the situation — more rest, more family time, the opportunity to bake or meditate — and know that you’ll move on when you move on. Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth — even when (especially when!) the gift-horse is the universe or mother nature.