Getting Priorities Straight
“Action expresses priorities.” ~Mohandas Gandhi
Woke up this morning considering priorities. I’m a big advocate of getting my priorities straight. Always have been. The challenge I realize, is that what I consider to be a priority may or may not be a priority to someone else. And it can be really easy to get all high and mighty, or judgmental about it. I mean, I’m a pretty smart person, right? So when I think a thing’s a priority, I’ve got to be right, correct? Well, not necessarily. But perhaps more important is the realization that priorities aren’t a matter of right and wrong — as in, it’s not for another to judge what your priorities are. Priorities are based in personal values, and values are inherently personal.
Why am I sharing the topic of priorities in this blog today? Because it’s dawning on me that priorities are actually something that leaders grapple with all the time. How do you determine what takes precedence on a given day? How do you determine where to put your focus? How do you decide what to put your energies into, and what to let go by the wayside? The answer to each of these questions lies in your priorities, and as a leader, part of your objective is to have people around you and with you who share your priorities, so that your energies can be united in whatever is calling for your attention.
What I know for sure is that the world at large makes its assessment of who you are and how you are as a person, based on what they witness of you and your priorities. If you are seen to spend lots of time with your family — choosing family events over work commitments — people will believe family to be your priority. If you choose to attend off-site meetings rather than tend to on-site issues and staff concerns, people will believe that dealing with staffing concerns is NOT a priority. The question for you to hold as you choose your actions, is which priorities are you wanting to honour in any given moment — and are your actions aligning with that priority?
The challenge is that priorities can conflict. Because different people can hold different priorities, others may resent when you choose a priority that doesn’t match their own. Your job as a leader is to do your best, always choosing — consciously and deliberately — what feels truly right for you, without justification or defense. Don’t get me wrong; you may have to explain your choice. And, if you align your choice with your values, and if you are consistent in your choices, the need for defense decreases. People know what you stand for, they know what your priorities are.
Bottom-line: you’ve got to choose what matters to you. Your actions as a leader have always got to be rooted in your values. So know what’s important to you, know what you value, know what your priorities are. Then act. You can’t go wrong when you get your priorities straight.
Your Experience or Undisputed Fact?
One of the things that I’ve become more aware of in recent weeks is a rather pervasive inability that many people hold; namely, the inability to distinguish between fact and personal experience. It appears that it is really easy to take your personal experience, and pass it off as fact. How often do you have a particular experience of someone, and then tell others that that person is a particular way? An example might be when you’ve had a confrontation with a colleague, and then proceeded to tell your family that that person is “difficult and controlling.” Can you relate? Or maybe you’ve had a particularly delightful vacation, and then shared with your friends that your chosen destination was “the best vacation spot in the world.”
The challenge with these sorts of extrapolations is that, your “facts” aren’t facts at all. They’re opinions. And while I’m certain that I’ve written about the distinction between fact and opinion before, my sense is that this perspective bears repeating. You see, when you take your experience and present it as undisputed fact, you mislead others — whether intentionally or not. And misleading others can lead to lack of trust in relationships, and unnecessary mistakes being made in various circumstances.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there are people who trust you enough that they will simply take your word for it, when you present a “fact.” Therefore, it behooves you to be certain of your facts, distinguish whether what you’re saying is instead a personal opinion, and allow or even encourage others to find the “truth” for themselves. As a leader, your opinions matter, for sure. You definitely want to be confident in your statements, not wishy-washy. And, you can definitely undermine your position as leader when you make blanket statements, convert your opinions into fact, or don’t allow others to hold their own experiences as equally factual. This last point may be the pivotal one in this post. Your experience is only one aspect of the truth — it’s not necessarily the be-all and end-all.
Bottom-line: whether you are a leader or not, being able to begin your statements with some version of “in my experience” provides space for the whole truth to emerge. In my opinion, “truth” is as much in the minds and experiences of those involved, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And my personal experience is that as a leader, when you allow for your experience to be simply one aspect of the truth, you actually set yourself up to garner more respect from those around you.
Feel free to share your thoughts on this. I would love to hear what your experiences are in this arena!
Leadership Check-In
It’s Friday, it’s the end of the first full week of 2011. Hard to believe it passed so quickly — and yet, that’s what time does, right? It passes. Sometimes, given that time seems to pass quicker than you’d like, you can become so caught up in tasks and activities that you forget to check in and get your bearings. Getting accurate bearings, however, is essential to being able to achieve whatever it is you’ve set out to achieve.
So, I want to invite you to take a moment right now and check in. Based on what you accomplished during this first week of 2011, how are things shaping up? Did things unfold as you anticipated? Better? Worse? What do you need to do, how do you need to be going forward, in order to have 2011 be the year you want it to be?
These are the questions that merit being asked at any point on your leadership journey. Transition points are wonderful opportunities for asking questions like these — the end of a day, a week, a month, a project — and, they can be asked whenever. The point is that you’ve got to take stock from time to time. Whether your leadership takes the form of being at the helm of a large corporation, the chair of a committee, or the head of a household, the only way you’ll be able to lead as effectively as possible is if you know where you’re at, relative to where you’re headed.
Bottom-line: taking stock is essential to your leadership effectiveness. So check in; evaluate; regroup as necessary; and keep on keepin’ on. Happy leading!
Humility: It’s Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
“…excessive pride is a familiar sin, but a (person) may just as easily frustrate the will of God through excessive humility.” ~Ken Follett
I want you to take a minute and re-read the above quote. In the event that God-language offends you in any way, feel free to replace it with whatever works for you — universe, higher power, higher self — you pick. And now think about what this quote is saying. It’s from the book Pillars of the Earth, and the upshot of it is that so often people shy away from pride and arrogance, knowing that these qualities can trip you up on your path to success. There’s no doubt about it; too much pride can blind you and doom your plans to failure every time.
The challenge is that, in an effort to avoid the crime of pride or arrogance, you very likely swing the pendulum too far and stand in a place of too much humility. Don’t believe me? Answer me this: what are your strengths? What are you good at? What gifts do you bring to the world? What are your inherent talents? In working with clients for almost a decade now, I know that questions of this sort often elicit blank stares or the ever-popular “I don’t know.” My guess is the same is true for you. You may acknowledge your strengths quietly to yourself, but there’s no way you’re going to “toot your own horn” to the world, right? That would be wrong, right?
Well here’s the thing; there’s actually a pretty fine line between owning your strengths — acknowledging the gifts and talents you’re meant to bring to the world — and walking around with excessive pride. Because the world at large teaches you the dangers of arrogance without teaching the virtues of confidence (and that is what we’re talking about here) you very likely feel challenged to confidently step into and acknowledge what you’re good at. And until or unless you can do this, there’s no way you can live up to your full potential and accomplish whatever it is you’re meant to accomplish.
So, here’s my challenge to you: today, right here, right now, acknowledge your strengths, gifts and talents. Not in a whisper to yourself, but out loud, to the world. Write these on a piece of paper and post it on your fridge. Call up a colleague or two and tell them — confidently, not arrogantly — what you believe your strengths are. Start living your talents confidently and watch how the way you show up in the world changes. Notice how your impact in the world changes. Notice what you can accomplish when you step right up to the line that separates confidence from arrogance.
Bottom-line: if you want to accomplish great things, you’ve got to know what you’re great at. Don’t let excessive humility be your downfall. Whatever you’re great at, own it. Leadership requires confidence, not humility.
Time to Roll With the Punches
As I was working with a client yesterday, one of the challenges that arose during our session was the realization that she’s at a point in her life that requires her to let go of something. Not too surprising; it happens. The challenge that arose for her, as she explored the topic at hand, was that she began with an unwillingness to look at what exactly it was that she needed to let go — she was fearful of what that specific thing might be. As I challenged her to look deeper, she came to the realization that her fear was around letting go of a particular role that she has held for over two decades, in this case, the role of “mother.” The role itself, however, doesn’t matter; the point is that she couldn’t bring herself to look at the possibility that she might have to abdicate the throne so-to-speak. After all, this was a role that she had held and identified with for the better part of her life. It’s scary to let go of a cherished role, particularly when you take it on as part of your identity. So, what was she to do, if in fact that was the “thing” that was begging to be released?
Before I share the eventual realization that she had, I want to share that I have an awareness that this applies to everyone at some point during the course of life. And it is as relevant to those in leadership positions, as it is to everyday relationships. As the years pass, you will encounter times where you need to let go of responsibility in order to take on new responsibilities, and release yourself from a role or two. Whether you’re talking professionally — letting go of leadership or career roles — or personally as in the case of my client, it’s bound to happen. After all, it’s part of the process of growth and evolution; these processes involve letting go. When it comes to roles, however, letting go can be challenging because, as I said earlier, there can be a sense that you’re giving up who you actually are. So let me offer a perspective change — the change that my client eventually got to: what if you don’t have to abdicate the role so much, as change the way you fulfill the role? Even if you will have to vacate the position eventually (which I don’t think applies to “motherhood” — I think once you become a mother you remain a mother forever), there is always a time of transition that precedes the actual leaving — and this transition time is your opportunity to shift how you show up in that position. What becomes possible, what opens up, when you can allow yourself to shift slowly rather than let go altogether?
As you move through various aspects of your life, the degree to which you succeed in whatever it is you’ve taken on is largely dependent on how you fulfill the role you’re in. Moreover, how you fulfill the role will need to evolve over time, by virtue of the fact that the human condition is constantly changing. Whether personally or professionally, you need to stay alert to what is needed by those who depend on you to fulfill your role, and shift how you show up accordingly.
Bottom-line: if you want to be able to hold onto your role for as long as possible, and in a way that truly serves, you’ve got to be able to roll with the punches, shift and evolve, so that you’re meeting the ever-changing needs that your role is required to meet. Change, adaptability, evolution. These are essential to your growth as a leader, as a person.
What Do You Do With Mistakes?
I’ve got a confession to make. One of my personal challenges is in dealing with mistakes. Anyone who knows me, knows this to be true. I make mistakes as well as any other human being. I even learn from them pretty well. What I don’t do well is move on from them. My historical tendency is to dwell on them and beat myself up for months to come, even after I’ve learned the inherent lesson. And what I know is that this whole “dwelling on mistakes” thing, doesn’t serve. It doesn’t serve me, because it keeps me playing small, and it doesn’t serve others because I hang back and don’t show up as all of me. And while I’ve got a little voice inside my head that would love for me to believe that I’m unique in this tendency, what I’m realizing as I look at the world around me, is that there are plenty of you who subscribe to the same modus operandi. So I’ve got a challenge for you (and for me): let’s stop the insanity! (Sorry Susan Powter, I’m borrowing your line for this article!)
When I first started contemplating what I wanted to be different for 2011, letting go of the “beating myself up” habit flew to the forefront of my brain. What hasn’t yet crystalized for me is the “how” — although I’m having plenty of opportunity to explore the methodology. As a start, I’ve created a mantra that I’d like to share with you. My request is that you tweak it and use it to serve your own growth and learning. Why? Because I believe that both you and I can show up in the world better, live our purposes better, serve our family, friends and colleagues better, when we can simply learn from our mistakes and not allow any residual junk to taint our future choices. So here’s the mantra:
“I learn from my mistakes; I accept responsibility for my choices without beating myself up for the errors I’ve made; I move on with grace.”
It might seem a little long. I suppose it could be more than one mantra if you’d like to split it up. Use it however it works best for you. As leaders, you will make mistakes. Heck, as humans — leader or not — you’ll make mistakes. It comes with the job. The trick now, as I’m realizing afresh, is to model moving on with grace. It can be done. It can be learned. And doing so will serve your leadership — and your followers — well. Here’s to moving on!
New Year, New Opportunities
Happy New Year! Yes, we’re a couple of days into 2011 already; however, given that I’ve been on a techy-holiday — that is, I took a two-week hiatus from techy things over the christmas break — this is the first opportunity I’m having to wish you the best of the new year, officially. I trust that 2011 has gotten off to a good start for you and yours. And if it hasn’t gotten off to quite the start that you’d envisioned, what I know for sure is that the year as a whole need not be a write-off. After all, it’s a new year — there are new opportunities just waiting to be snatched up.
Part of my objective for 2011 is to increase my visibility in the world of leadership, particularly the world of women’s leadership. I know that I have much to offer this demographic, and I intend to do that on a grander scale in the next 12 months. Already, I have more speaking engagements booked in the coming months than I’ve historically had at this time of year. I’ve got programs in development that will be rolled out sooner rather than later. And I’ve got writings that will be made available as well. These are a sampling of the opportunities that I am taking advantage of, opportunities for myself that I am currently aware of. I know that other opportunities will arise as I move along. I also know that I must commit to staying alert for the presence of opportunities as they make themselves known.
What opportunities are currently available to you? Sometimes, the way to find out is to clarify what you’re wanting to create in the first place. Once you know what you’re headed for, the opportunities seem to magically appear. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. So, if you’re wanting 2011 to be different for you in any way, shape or form, get clear on what specific difference you’re aiming for. Then, keep your eyes peeled for opportunities; take advantage of those and be willing to create others. The opportunities are there for the taking. Seize them — and make 2011 your best year yet.