Your Experience or Undisputed Fact?
One of the things that I’ve become more aware of in recent weeks is a rather pervasive inability that many people hold; namely, the inability to distinguish between fact and personal experience. It appears that it is really easy to take your personal experience, and pass it off as fact. How often do you have a particular experience of someone, and then tell others that that person is a particular way? An example might be when you’ve had a confrontation with a colleague, and then proceeded to tell your family that that person is “difficult and controlling.” Can you relate? Or maybe you’ve had a particularly delightful vacation, and then shared with your friends that your chosen destination was “the best vacation spot in the world.”
The challenge with these sorts of extrapolations is that, your “facts” aren’t facts at all. They’re opinions. And while I’m certain that I’ve written about the distinction between fact and opinion before, my sense is that this perspective bears repeating. You see, when you take your experience and present it as undisputed fact, you mislead others — whether intentionally or not. And misleading others can lead to lack of trust in relationships, and unnecessary mistakes being made in various circumstances.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there are people who trust you enough that they will simply take your word for it, when you present a “fact.” Therefore, it behooves you to be certain of your facts, distinguish whether what you’re saying is instead a personal opinion, and allow or even encourage others to find the “truth” for themselves. As a leader, your opinions matter, for sure. You definitely want to be confident in your statements, not wishy-washy. And, you can definitely undermine your position as leader when you make blanket statements, convert your opinions into fact, or don’t allow others to hold their own experiences as equally factual. This last point may be the pivotal one in this post. Your experience is only one aspect of the truth — it’s not necessarily the be-all and end-all.
Bottom-line: whether you are a leader or not, being able to begin your statements with some version of “in my experience” provides space for the whole truth to emerge. In my opinion, “truth” is as much in the minds and experiences of those involved, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And my personal experience is that as a leader, when you allow for your experience to be simply one aspect of the truth, you actually set yourself up to garner more respect from those around you.
Feel free to share your thoughts on this. I would love to hear what your experiences are in this arena!
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