Time to Roll With the Punches

As I was working with a client yesterday, one of the challenges that arose during our session was the realization that she’s at a point in her life that requires her to let go of something.  Not too surprising; it happens.  The challenge that arose for her, as she explored the topic at hand, was that she began with an unwillingness to look at what exactly it was that she needed to let go — she was fearful of what that specific thing might be.  As I challenged her to look deeper, she came to the realization that her fear was around letting go of a particular role that she has held for over two decades, in this case, the role of “mother.”  The role itself, however, doesn’t matter; the point is that she couldn’t bring herself to look at the possibility that she might have to abdicate the throne so-to-speak.  After all, this was  a role that she had held and identified with for the better part of her life.  It’s scary to let go of a cherished role, particularly when you take it on as part of your identity.  So, what was she to do, if in fact that was the “thing” that was begging to be released?

Before I share the eventual realization that she had, I want to share that I have an awareness that this applies to everyone at some point during the course of life.  And it is as relevant to those in leadership positions, as it is to everyday relationships.  As the years pass, you will encounter times where you need to let go of responsibility in order to take on new responsibilities, and release yourself from a role or two.  Whether you’re talking professionally — letting go of leadership or career roles — or personally as in the case of my client, it’s bound to happen.  After all, it’s part of the process of growth and evolution; these processes involve letting go. When it comes to roles, however, letting go can be challenging because, as I said earlier, there can be a sense that you’re giving up who you actually are.  So let me offer a perspective change — the change that my client eventually got to:  what if you don’t have to abdicate the role so much, as change the way you fulfill the role?  Even if you will have to vacate the position eventually (which I don’t think applies to “motherhood” — I think once you become a mother you remain a mother forever), there is always a time of transition that precedes the actual leaving — and this transition time is your opportunity to shift how you show up in that position.  What becomes possible, what opens up, when you can allow yourself to shift slowly rather than let go altogether?

As you move through various aspects of your life, the degree to which you succeed in whatever it is you’ve taken on is largely dependent on how you fulfill the role you’re in.  Moreover, how you fulfill the role will need to evolve over time, by virtue of the fact that the human condition is constantly changing.  Whether personally or professionally, you need to stay alert to what is needed by those who depend on you to fulfill your role, and shift how you show up accordingly.

Bottom-line:  if you want to be able to hold onto your role for as long as possible, and in a way that truly serves, you’ve got to be able to roll with the punches, shift and evolve, so that you’re meeting the ever-changing needs that your role is required to meet.  Change, adaptability, evolution.  These are essential to your growth as a leader, as a person.