Gratitude & Leadership

An attitude of gratitude.  This phrase was first coined by Oprah (I believe) a few years back.  Since then, it’s caught on like wildfire, particularly within the self-improvement demographic.  Why?   Because there’s a realization that when you want something to shift, change or improve, the place to begin is by focusing on what’s right and working, rather than what isn’t.  Gratitude facilitates this process.

As a leader, you are charged (either by yourself or by those around you) with the responsibility of implementing change.  It might not be big change, but CHANGE is the domain of leadership.  Even when things around you are going extremely well, there are always things to tweak, augment, or modify in some way, if only because the world itself is always changing.  As a leader your job is to stay aware of the changes that are happening in the world, so that you can implement the changes needed in your smaller microcosm of the world.  Make sense?

Sometimes, implementing change can seem daunting and down-right difficult.  Where do you start?  What do you focus on?  Who do you work with?  Why do you do this?  All of these questions and a myriad of others can lead you to a place of spinning your wheels at the very least, and sometimes even to feeling completely and utterly stuck.  In those moments, looking to gratitude is what will get you moving again.

Gratitude does not in anyway have to be grandiose.  In fact, the very premise of an “attitude of gratitude” is that you put your attention on the simple:  gratitude for the opportunity to lead, gratitude for the gift of a new day, gratitude for that morning cup of coffee, gratitude for the silence in the middle of the night, gratitude for the laundry being done.  Some of these might seem like mundane things; why express gratitude for clean laundry?  And yet, can you imagine not having clean laundry?  Having to go to work in a shirt with coffee stains?  Being grateful — and expressing your gratitude — for all things, no matter how simple, keeps your focus on the good, thereby allowing you to facilitate change in a good way.  Your brain is in a “this is working” state.  Which means you can keep things working.  You can find a way.

Bottom-line:  the expression of gratitude is a wonderful anchor.  It facilitates all sorts of good things.  As a leader, no matter who you’re leading or what changes you’re facilitating, standing in an attitude of gratitude can help you in your leadership journey.  Whatever challenge you’re facing in this moment, I invite you to stop and reflect:  what are you grateful for?

Learning to Respond

Have you ever had it happen where you’re presented with a piece of information that sends you for a spin (metaphorically-speaking, of course)?  You know, a curve ball of sorts.  You’re going through your day tickity-boo when, out of nowhere, you get a call or an email that gives you information that you either didn’t need, didn’t want, or has you confused in some way.  I know it happens to me from time-to-time.  So I know it happens to you (my opening question really was a rhetorical one!).

What do you do when that happens?  This is something I’ve been playing with — consciously and deliberately — this week.  What I notice from my own experience, and I’m willing to bet that it’s true for you as well, is that your instinct is to dive in and address the issue at hand RIGHT NOW.  There’s a way that you just react.  Right?  Of course you do.  It’s what your mind is trained to do.  What I’m working at doing — and in turn inviting you to do — is start RESPONDING instead.  You know, take a moment (or 5 or 10 moments), breathe, re-read or re-listen to the information.  Remove whatever emotional charge you hear or experience.  And then, from a truly grounded space, respond.

I know, I know, sometimes there isn’t time to get grounded.  Well, what I’m learning is that getting grounded actually doesn’t take a lot of time.  The time it takes to draw a single, deliberate breath will do it.  In that moment you can release yourself of any emotion, anchor yourself in a solid way, and respond.

Why is this important to leadership?  Because everyone around you needs you to be grounded in the way you show up.  When you react, you’re likely to say or do something you’ll regret.  Something that’s not congruent.  Something that’s based on inaccurate perception.  You’ll hear insinuation where there may not be any, you’ll sense accusation that may not exist, you’ll feel mal-intent that’s really not there.  And if you react to those things, you’ll end up creating a situation that doesn’t need to get created — a situation that flies in the face of whatever your leadership vision is.

Sometimes, you will react, no doubt about it.  And yet, if you can get more deliberate about RESPONDING to whatever shows up, you’ll definitely lessen the reactionary fallout.  It may be challenging to give yourself the time to respond vs. react.  But knowing that it only takes a moment, it’s a moment that’s definitely worth taking.   So go ahead.  Breathe; then respond.

Creating a Win-Win Situation

The original title of this post was “Creating a Win-Win” — then my 11-year old walked in, took a quick glance and said, “What’s a Win-Win?”, running the two “wins” together into one big shamozle of a word (is that how you spell shamozle??).  Anyhow, in my world, “creating a win-win” is a standard phrase; my son’s curiousity this morning, however, has me realizing that the phrase may not actually be in everybody’s vernacular.  And so, in some ways, I feel like my inclination to write about this topic today is timely.  Sometimes a little validation is a good thing.

To ensure you’re on the same page with me, let me clarify that a “win-win” is a situation in which all parties involved experience a win of some sort.  In a win-win situation, everybody gains, nobody loses, there really isn’t any compromising going on, or if there is, the gain for all is far greater than any individual’s particular sacrifice, and so all involved are able to feel really good about the outcome, whatever it might be.  That, my friends, is a win-win situation.  The gains don’t have to be the same on all sides.  In fact, what one individual might consider a “win”, another might look at with scorn.  Creating a win-win situation requires the creators of the situation to be in tune to what all parties need and/or want, both collectively and as individuals in the situation at hand.

Is creating a win-win always possible?  My personal sense is that it is — and, everyone involved has to be amenable to working towards that end.  As a leader, you need to facilitate a dialogue, lay out a framework and hold the collective vision through the required conversation so that the win-win emerges as the final outcome.  It can be challenging; and it is doable — once everyone is on board.

Bottom-line:  as a leader, no matter what your current challenge is, there is a way out.  And the best way out is to follow the win-win trail.  Seek out what is needed and wanted by all involved, then facilitate the dialogue that will allow the win-win to emerge.  It might take some time; and it will emerge.

BONUS:  Here’s where I get to put myself out there and share what I know will be a win-win for some of you (for others of you, it won’t — because you don’t need or want what I’m about to offer).

One of my business goals this year is to create and roll out a couple of new programs, including a revamped version of my Women Leaders Connected group coaching program and a brand-new membership site, both in the coming months.  I’ve enlisted the support of a fabulous coach and mastermind group to help me in bringing this about.  And, as I do this, my individual coaching practice will morph a bit as well.

As I work to incorporate these new aspects into my business, my goal is to keep my current individual coaching practice full.  At this time, I have a few (3 to be exact) open spaces.  I want to fill these spaces within the next two weeks. Now, these spaces aren’t for everyone.  If you’re not thrilled about working with a coach, if you don’t have a leadership vision, if you’re not willing to stretch yourself to make 2011 better than 2010, then this is definitely not for you.  If, however, you’re at all intrigued about working with a coach, if you’re a leader in a company or organization who wants to affect some change this year, if you’re ready, willing and able to make an investment of time, energy and money in yourself and your leadership, then this  is definitely for you.  All you need to do to get started is contact me at info@stellarcc.com and we’ll set up a consultation time, to see how we can move forward effectively.  It’s a win-win situation because I keep my practice full while my business grows and evolves, and you get the support you need to create the changes and reach the goals you’re striving for.   You’ve gotta love it!

So, if this is right for you, contact me today (info@stellarcc.com).  And if it’s not right for you, that’s okay — it’s not for everybody.  Feel free to share the information with those in your circle — because it might be right for them.  And I’ll keep you posted, whether you take advantage of this opportunity or not, as to how my own goals and objectives are coming into reality.

Avoiding Blankets & Bandaids

Challenges, issues, disagreements, problems.  They come up all the time in this world in which we live.  Whether in relationships, social contexts,the workplace — problematic situations arise and must be addressed by those directly involved as well as by any and all relevant leaders.  In an effort to minimize such scenarios, rules, policies and procedures are often laid out.  The more organized the context, the greater the likelihood that a  manual of some sort exists, a manual in which as many eventualities as possible have been explored and thought about, and rules laid out for navigating said eventualities.  Which, on the surface at least, would seem to be a good thing.   When it comes to practical application, however, there’s a way that rules, policies and procedures can actually be a hindrance — and as leaders you’ve got to be savvy enough to know when such documents are serving the situation at hand, and when they’re getting in the way.

You see, no matter how far-sighted you are, no matter how broad a thinker you are, there is no way that you can create a rule-book, as it were, that will actually cover every possible challenge or scenario.  Why?  Because human beings are such a diverse lot that just by changing one person in a situation, you actually change the situation.  So, what might have posed a problem in a particular group dynamic, actually lays the groundwork for more smooth sailing in another.  If you change the rules based on the first, you’ll have challenges in the second.  This is why “blanket solutions” — like most solutions found in rules, policies, and procedures aren’t actually solutions.  They’re simply cover-ups.

The same can be said of band-aids.  There’s a way that addressing the “issue at hand” is really just a covering up of the symptom.  As a leader, your job is to deal with the symptom for sure, and you’ve also got to look beyond the symptom to the root cause.  You’ve got to implement (or cause to be implemented) a solution that actually addresses the problem itself, rather than just the outward manifestation of the problem.

Now, here’s the real kicker.  As a leader — as a really effective leader — you’ve got to find a way to look beyond the symptom (avoid bandaids) and address the root cause (the actual problem) without implementing a blanket.  There’s a way that you’ve got to be willing and able to address individual challenges within a larger context.  They go hand-in-hand.  If you simply implement a blanket policy, you negate the power of individual qualities that make a given situation unique.  If you address the individual qualities alone, you set yourself up to be constantly handling different versions of the same issue.  In other words, you’ve got another classic leadership paradox on your hand.  You’ve got to be able to hold the big picture, even while you address the issue at hand.  So what’s the solution?  From my perspective, tents.  That’s right, tents.  As a leader, you want to build a structure, a safe container that is big enough to hold the situation at large, and spacious enough to allow you to address scenario-specific challenges as they arise.  This, I think, is best seen as a tent.

Bottom-line:  as a leader you’re going to come up against problems.  They’re sort of par for the course.  If you want to be able to address and move on from them quickly, however, you’ve got to avoid both blankets and bandaids.  Build tents instead, structures that allow you to hold the whole picture, even while they provide you the space to address specific issues.

Continuing the Theme of Silence

So here’s an interesting discovery:  noise is exhausting.  That’s what I’m experiencing this morning.  For a variety of reasons I’m not feeling as energetic as I usually do.  Could be an “end-0f–the-week” thing, or even the result of my brain being in idea-generating mode for the better part of this week (like full-on, no-holds-barred, couldn’t-stop-it-if-I-tried idea-generating mode).  It could even be that my body is fighting a bug of some sort.  No matter what the cause, however, the fact is I’m tired.

This is not a new experience for me, and my guess is you can relate to it too.  Fatigue, after all, is part of the human experience.  And it’s definitely part of the leadership experience.  As a leader you’re on the go, on the move, doing what needs to be done, hearing what needs to be heard, responding to what needs to be responded to.  What I’m being reminded of this morning is that, when I’m tired — and in particular when my brain is tired — there’s a way that “noise” of any kind takes my already tired self and quickly moves me into the land of complete and utter exhaustion.  Which, given the world that we live in, is rather a hazardous situation.

I know I’ve talked before about the importance of silence — the importance of creating it, of accessing it, of allowing yourself to get still and really immerse yourself in it.  Have you tried doing so?  It can be a challenge, no doubt about it.  Everywhere you turn, there’s noise.  Even as I sit here in my “quiet” living room typing this blog, I’m aware of my child splashing in the tub, my other child muttering about the hockey stats, the furnace making some sort of white noise, my keyboard clicking away, the fridge humming, the dog breathing (actually, snoring) — sounds are everywhere.  And when I’m tired, these sounds feel prohibitive to my recharging.  So, what’s the solution?  My sense is that I need to let some of the sounds just be what they are (the furnace), do my best to minimize or turn off the others (my typing), and make reasonable requests of those around me to take the noise down, even if only for a few moments (reasonable means I’m not asking anyone to take a vow of silence, or stop splashing in a tub).  I’m realizing that one of the ways that I can circumvent the draining effects of noise is to consciously turn my focus to the sounds that are soothing rather than the sounds that are draining.  I’ve got to.  Because unless I do, I will spiral into total exhaustion, which doesn’t allow me to be any good to anybody.  Definitely contrary to playing my best leadership game.  And trust me; this lesson holds true for you too.

Bottom-line:  taking a break, giving yourself permission to rest, includes giving yourself permission to turn off or tune out the noise.  I’ve talked about finding answers in silence.  Believe me, silence can also recharge you.  So here’s my challenge to you:  carve out a 15 minute block and allow yourself to be as silent as possible, in as much silence as possible.  Immerse yourself in it.  Feel yourself recharge.  Good stuff comes from silence.

There’s the Expert, and Then There’s You

A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice. ~James Callaghan

We live in a world where experts abound.  You may be one of them.  I am as well.  By virtue of the fact that you are a leader, you’ve got expertise in some area, no doubt about it.  And, as I recently read, “expertise” is relative.  While you may be an expert relative to some in a particular field, relative to others in that same field or in a different field altogether you may be little more than a novitiate.  And in light of this, there will be times when, even as an expert yourself, you lean into the advice of experts more qualified than yourself.  It’s the nature of the beast.

Now, all that being said, there is a bit of a catch in this leadership game, and it’s brilliantly summarized in James Callaghan’s quote above.  There’s a way that leadership requires you to research and look into the advice of experts, no doubt about it.  Indeed, having a team of experts available to access at any given moment is the prerogative of leaders.  At the same time, however, wearing the leader’s hat  requires you to know your own position — which may sometimes deviate from what the experts believe or have to say — and act on that.  This requires more than a modicum of courage, for sure.  Going against the grain can be a bold move.  I mean, what if you’re wrong?  Well, this is the risk that leaders take.  It’s part and parcel of the leadership game.  Rest assured, following the advice of experts can also be wrong.  Why?  Because even the best of advice only works if the circumstances in which its applied is conducive to the success of said advice.  If there’s something about your particular situation that is different or non-supportive of the advice in question, it will not work.  And your job as leader is to know your circumstances, know your unique position, and apply the expert advice within the frame of what you know to be true.

Bottom-line:  if you want to be a truly effective leader — whether personally, professionally or both — you’ve got to be willing to hold your own, even as you acknowledge the expertise of others.  Experts are human too.  They can make mistakes as much as you can, especially if they are not familiar with the unique aspects of your leadership scenario.  Remember, when it comes right down to it, you’re the expert in your particular leadership situation; as such, you have a responsibility to know which advice will work in your circumstances, apply it as appropriate and be courageous enough to make alternative choices at all other times.

The Winds of Change

Today’s blog post is going to be a little different.  You see, I’m going to be implementing some changes to my entire business in the coming weeks and months, and this blog will definitely fall into what gets revamped.  What I’d like to do today is just share a few of the other changes that you can expect to see.  While some of these ideas are still in germination form, they are evolving fast — like REALLY fast! — and I truly am tickled pink!

First, my ezine which began 8 years ago as a quarterly publication, eventually became bi-monthly and is currently sent out monthly;  well, it will finally become a weekly publication beginning sometime in the next few weeks.  Why?  Because it’s time.  I’ve been moving in this direction for a while — as in, I’ve been feeling called to publish the ezine weekly and have always held myself back.  Well, that stops now.  It’s time for it to be a weekly ezine and so, weekly it shall be. It actually excites me, to be honest!

In light of that particular change, these blog posts will move to two or three times per week instead of daily.  I’m leaning towards twice a week, however, will meditate on that just a bit more before determining which course would be wisest.  If you’ve got a suggestion on the frequency of blogging, I’d be happy to hear your thoughts.

Additionally, my whole coaching program will be undergoing a change.  While I’m not yet crystal-clear on how it will look or roll out, what I know for sure is that there will be more programs for you to access, more options in terms of coaching and more of a global presence for the products and services overall.  Stay tuned as these things come into being!

Finally, in order to make all of this reality, I know I’m going to need the help of a dedicated team of assistants.  So, I will in fact be hiring assistants in the coming months.  First step is to clarify their roles and how we will all work together.  Once I have my team on board I will definitely introduce them to you also!

All of these changes revolve around the central idea of me taking my place on the world stage, playing a much bigger game than I’ve been playing, with a view to having the impact on the world that I know I’m meant to have.  What I know for sure is that my fundamental message — the message that life is meant to be lived with ease, that the path of ease can be found even in the midst of hardship, and that you really can have it all through the power of conscious choice — is meant to be heard world-wide.  I don’t think I’ve been playing small up until this point — and it’s time for me to play even bigger.  Really, it’s time for me to play the biggest game I possibly can.  And that’s what I’m going to step into.

With this in mind, and with all of the changes that are afoot, I have a request.  Please help me spread the word.  Invite others to subscribe to this blog post and indeed to the (weekly!) ezine.  Both can be done by going to my website, www.stellarcc.com and signing up in the appropriate boxes.  Listen in to my weekly radio show, Your Life, Your Way on 106.9, the X — which you can access by going to www.1069fm.ca and clicking the “listen live” tab on Sundays at 4:30 pm EST — and invite your circle of friends, family and colleagues to do the same.  When you or others are looking for workshops, keynotes or other presentations for your events, contact me.  My range of topics is perfect for both personal and professional development, and my signature keynote “Mastering Life — The Ultimate Balancing Act” is sure to inspire participants to achieve fulfillment like they never thought possible.

Bottom-line:  the winds of change are blowing, I’m adjusting my sails, and inviting you to join me for the ride.  I know that with your help it’s going to be a great one!  So thanks in advance for your support

From the Place of Silence

There are many resources available out there that talk about “The Power of…” something or other.  “The Power of Now,” “The Power of One,” “The Power of Less,” “The Power of Us.”  Heck, one of my own company’s is called “The Power of Two.”  And I don’t want to take away the power of anything in this blog.  Instead, what I want to do is point to something that is often overlooked when it comes to the discussion of what is and isn’t powerful.  And that’s silence.

Stop.  Take a moment and just stop.  Whatever you’re doing, whoever you’re talking to, whatever you’re thinking about, just stop.  Turn off any and all sound-making gadgets, as much as you can.  Radio, phone, television.  Now, close your eyes and notice.  Feel the silence that surrounds you.  Can you feel it?  Feel the strength of it?  The power within it?  The longer you stay with it, the more you’ll feel it.  And sometimes that can be a bit uncomfortable.  Silence is powerful for sure.

I bring this up today because I notice that many leaders overlook — or completely forget — the power of silence.  How often do you feel like you’ve got to be talking, reading, typing, interacting with information in some way, shape or form?  I’m willing to bet that non-silence is your primary way of being.  It’s not surprising.  It’s sort of the way of today’s world.  And yet, what I know for sure is that so often what we seek — whether it’s answers, inspiration, peace, connection, grounding, whatever — is found in the silence.

As a leader, I assert that it behooves you to get comfortable with silence.  Leadership is about inspiring change, growth and evolution, and these are most powerfully accessed in silent moments.  Sometimes sound is necessary, for sure.  And silence can be your greatest resource as a leader.  Stumped by a question?  Look to the silence.  Feeling overwhelmed?  Get grounded in the silence.  Seeking inspiration?  You’ll find it in the silence.

Bottom-line:  silence has become a bit of a stranger to most people in our very fast-paced, gadget-inundated world.  Get re-acquainted with silence and watch how your leadership transforms for the better.  Silence is an effective leaders most powerful resource..

Compassion in Leadership

Yesterday, I signed the Charter for Compassion.  You can check it out here www.charterforcompassion.org.  You may not know it but compassion is a really strong value of mine — like REALLY strong — and I often contemplate how compassion serves, what gets in the way of compassion and the link between compassion and leadership.  Because there is one, you know.

My personal perspective is that compassion is actually a big part of effective, meaningful leadership.  If you want to be the best leader you possibly can, then my sense is that you’ve got to find a way to make compassion part of your modus operandi.  I know that this can be hard for some, maybe even for you.  And I think the reason for this is that it’s too easy to confuse “being compassionate” with “being soft”, or letting people off the hook.  Being compassionate is none of these things.

Definitively, when you look up the meaning of compassion, you’ll find that “compassion is a deep awareness of and sympathy for another person’s feelings, coupled with a wish to relieve it.” (www.freedictionary.com.)  I think it’s the last part of the definition that gets misinterpreted.  “Relieving another’s suffering” can feel daunting and, for some reason, it’s easy to believe that relieving suffering is about bending the rules for someone, or giving them a free pass.  It’s not.  Instead, I believe that compassion is rooted in the understanding that everyone — yes, everyone — has something of value to bring, that this “something” can be hindered by personal circumstances (poverty, violence, ignorance, illness, etc;) and that an understanding and willingness to bear witness to the circumstances, to support the person in navigating the circumstance without letting them off the hook or allowing them to escape responsibility, is what allows their best — whatever their best may be — to come forward.  This is what truly “relieving suffering” looks like.  Yes, you need to give something of yourself — and often, what you give doesn’t have to be much more than your presence and willingness to serve.

As a leader, your job is to be aware of a) what it is that each person’s best is and b) the circumstances that may or may not be allowing their best to come forward.  Your job is to then stand in a place of compassion and understanding so that you can invite and coax the best out of that person.  This means that you have to take time to give of yourself; this means that you have to listen; this means that you have to be present to your own vision, and to the needs and circumstances of those around you.  Compassion is what will allow you to really lead, in the sense of leading people to become all of who they are.  And this can absolutely be done within the context of whatever systems and policies are part of your organization.  Believe it or not, you can enforce policy with compassion.

Bottom-line:  great leadership is not about being rigid or towing the party-line.  Great leadership is actually rooted in compassion.  If you think about the great leaders of our time — and historically — you will see this.  Step into compassion and lead from there.  Compassion will never steer you wrong.

Want more insight into this idea?  A fabulous read is “The Anatomy of Peace” by The Arbinger Institute.

Leadership & Letting Go

Woke up this morning, came downstairs, powered up my computer and contemplated on what to write in this blog today.  As I waited for things to boot up, I did a quick scan of my email box.  In there, I found a notification that indicated someone had unsubscribed from my newsletter mailing list.  And it’s someone I  know.  Someone who I believed was getting value from being connected with me and plugging in to my business world.  The email removal request was surprising — and, I’ll admit it, it hurt just a bit.  Until I remembered something:  her choice to remove her name from my email list is about her, her needs, and where she’s at; it’s really not about me.

I mean, yes, it’s probably fair to assume (and I really try not to assume if at all possible) that for some reason she’s no longer getting value out of my publication.  It may even be that she’s purging a whole lot of things from her life at this moment, and my newsletter happens to fall within the scope of all of that.  Regardless, however, I can’t dwell on the fact that she’s removed herself.  I can, if I wish, determine the reason why and see how I might address that need.  And, her need may in fact have nothing to do with me, or it may not be something that I can meet.  This is actually where I need to stay really clear on what I do and don’t do, have confidence in the value I bring to those who remain within my database, and truly lean in to the wisdom of the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.    Her reason or season may simply be up; and I need to allow that to be okay.

Believe it or not, I can see the implications for leadership in this little experience.  Sometimes, as a leader, you can become attached to certain people.  You can begin to think that they’ll be in the picture forevermore.  And the result is that you can have difficulty letting go when you need to let go, which means you’ll stagnate a bit.  Leadership requires you to  be willing to let go — either by your own choice, or by virtue of the fact that the person in question realizes that their path is taking them elsewhere.  Your job as  leader is to not take the changes or leavings personally, anchor yourself in what your about, tweak if need be, and continue to move forward.

Bottom-line: effective leadership requires you to learn how to let go with grace.  It’s part of the whole deal.  It’s the only way you can keep moving forward to whatever your vision is.  You need to trust that letting go and the accompanying changes serve the big picture.  And you’ve got to let go with grace so you can lead without stagnating.